Invited to a wedding, can't bring DD... :( AIBU to tell her it's her coming too or I won't be there?

[FireplacePick]

DD is only 9 months, she's our only child.

I do often leave DD with my mum (when I'm at work for a couple of hours) and I'm fine with it.

DH can't come to the wedding anyway, as he is working away. It's in a different country (the wedding) but not exactly far, but need to go on a plane. It's my best friend, so I'd rather not miss it, she is like my sister. No children are allowed... it clearly says on the invite. There's a massive apology that babies and small children cannot attend. I'm assume a few teens will be there (she has a lot of family that are about 12+). Of course it's her wedding and she can invite who she likes, but I don't think I'm happy to leave DD with my mum for 4 days and nights... 1) not sure it's fair on my mum 2) I don't particularly want to leave her for that long on her own, as she definitely can't settle properly (at night) without me

I literally feel so sick.

I meant dd not dad...

If you really want to go. Your options are to go for one or two nights, leave baby with your mum. Or ask your mum to come and leave her with her on day of the wedding.

Otherwise only option is to politely decline.

I don't think it's that people are being harsh it's more the way you worded the title, as an ultimatum. You would of course be unreasonable to say that to your friend. YANBU to not go if it isn't convenient however the invite says no kids so you can't say you're going to bring yours. You've said it's someone you're very close to, so just politely explain you are unable to attend as you cannot get childcare for that long or that you don't want to leave your baby. Job done no drama.

Take your mum, or go for one night. Or don't go. I wouldn't leave mine for four days at that age either, but I would find a way to go. You haven't responded as to why you can't take your mum with you?

It's an invite. You do not have to go. I am sick of the entitled attitude of some people! Some people want a day where there aren't any bloody kids.

We're getting married next year (he proposed to me 15 years ago, but that's not the point...) and aside from our two sons, who will be 15, there'll be no kids at the ceremony. We may invite some on the night, but they will be close family. Sorry, but I don't get why you should think you are more important than everyone else? Presumably you've known about the wedding for a while and know there were no kids allowed. Ah, but I bet you thought they'd make exceptions for your darling daughter, didn't you?

Well tough shit. The rules are NO KIDS - you are not more important than everyone else and neither is your daughter. The day is about the couple getting married, not you. Frankly, with your attitude I wouldn't want you there.

WHAT ABOUT YOUR MUM GOING WITH YOU

^^^ this but op is purposely ignoring it considering its been suggested every other post! I just think she wants to take her dd regardless of what the bride wants!

She's not such a good friend if she knows you have a young baby and she's said no kids. I wouldn't bother going.

Just read the bit about giving up life to care for DD

Good luck for the period when DD has grown up or grown tired of being your whole life, that's one hell of a pressure for a child. OP, children should enhance your life, not replace entirely that which went before. Therein lies madness.

Just go and have fun, even if it's only for one night, or don't go. I wouldn't want to leave my son for 4 days either, but you have other options.

At the end of the day, if the invites state no children, you would be unreasonable to insist upon it. If your friend said yes, you might end up pissing other people off, especially if they really wanted to take their kids too but respected your friend's wishes.

Have you asked your mum? My mum did several wedding with breastfeeding and clingy babies for my siblings and me. She enjoyed it!

My oldest child was very needy - later diagnosed as autistic - and I really couldn't leave him over night at that age. A couple of hours down the pub was all I'd managed! Daytimes were different, of course, he went off happily to CM when I went to work . So I either went with him or couldn't go. He would have been terrible at weddings after six months anyway!

Are you really not able to change your plans to just go for one night if your mum can't come with you?

I think no kid weddings are preposterous and up themselves anyway.

I can't take my mum because she's fucking terminally ill, happy now? She can't get a fit to fly.

Now I'm fucking off.

i think youve been harshly judged, yes its no children i did the same but my difference was it was a local wedding and it was one day, she is expecting you to find childcare for a small baby for 4 days in another country so her expections are somewhat unrealistic. i didn't attend my MoH wedding in cyprus because the costs and only 9 months notice and ds just starting primary school.

op is finding it harder as she is a first time mum, it is new to her and she most likely won't go, -the cynic in me would say there will probably be another wedding to attend in a few years anyway- .
i think some posters on here are probably forgetting the 'first baby thing', all are special but lets be honest as much as we love subsequent dc, the 'firstness' cannot be repeated as it is different with each child -been there, done that. millions of photos of the first born, thousands of the second, hundreds of the third, about fifty of the fourth, ten of the fifth and um, not sure about #6, well that was me anyway

Nermerner that's a silly thing to say. It's not like she's said everyone can take their kids except the OP lol. You can't have one rule for one person and one for everyone else!

Plus, kids can be a pita at a wedding. If I ever get married, I would probably say no kids as well.

Yes, I have had a clingy child, he is still clingy at 10 years old. He is my second child.

Yes, I did leave him overnight with my Mum for 2 nights whilst we attended a wedding. She also had Ds1 who was 4.

Because, God forbid you have an accident which requires you to be in hospital, who is going to settle your baby then? Why can no-one else do it?

I agree with PP,

take your Mum make it a mini holiday or
Go for a shorter amount of time
Decline the invite.

DO NOT ask to take your child with you.

Have you thought about asking your mum to go with you ?

Oh and cancel the cheque

Fireplace I completely understand that you wouldn't want to leave your DD overnight at that age. I wouldn't have left mine at 9 months either.

Unfortunately in this case that means you have to decline the invitation.

I realise it's very upsetting and not the answer you wanted but it's the only thing to do.

Send back a very polite decline saying wishing the couple a wonderful day and that you'd love to come but unfortunately you can't leave DD overnight. I'd probably add a note that you hope to get together with them after their honeymoon to hear all about the big day.

One of two things with happen:

Either she will call and tell you to bring DD

Or

She won't.

But it's her decision because it's her day. You can't force or manipulate her into it.

I'm sorry about your mum. It would have helped temper people's responses if you'd mentioned that at the start.

God why are people being so horrible to the OP. It's her best friend's wedding and she's sad at the thought of missing it, this is hardly a crime. Personally I think that in the case of a best friend it is fine to say that you would love to attend but can only do so with baby, and leave the ball in the friend's court.

I had a kids table at my wedding with special food and two teens to entertain them. I love children and wanted my friends children there.

I can't take my mum because she's fucking terminally ill, happy now? She can't get a fit to fly

OP I am sorry, some proper cunts on here.

I think you clearly cannot leave your baby with a terminally ill woman, so you cant go. there that's £600 you have saved.

Well she's clearly well enough to look after your DD isn't she...?

As for "clearly you don't have a clingy child?" well actually I do. DS2 was always clingy to me and still is. From an early age he knew that sometimes he would have to stop overnight at Grandma and Granddad's when DP was on deployment and I had things to do on the evening at school (parents' evenings, open evenings, governors' meetings, school plays etc). He got used to it. He was still clingy but he realised that sometimes it can't be helped.

If you really want to go to the wedding, then go. You sound very PFB, sorry. I didn't have a choice but leave DS1 and DS2 at that age - we both had to go out and earn money, which meant leaving them with family at a young age.