To want to call my nephew and tear him a new one?

[Agerbilatemycardigan]

Okay, a bit of background to illustrate why I'm so angry.

My younger sister was married with 2 DC, until her husband left her for OW.
He was also spending the mortgage money on OW which resulted in my sister and her children almost becoming homeless.

Fast forward a few years, and my sister now has the mortgage under control, having worked every hour she could to support her children, who have never gone without anything.

Had a phonecall this evening as apparently she can't pay her bills as there is no money in her account. Further investigation has shown that her 17 year old son has taken the money without permission. She is totally devastated and feels utterly betrayed. He's away at the moment but will be back tomorrow.

Our mother was in tears about this too, as we all thought that he was a decent kid. We really don't know how to proceed. Does my sister involve the police or punish him in some other way?

It's such a difficult one

Oh wow. I'd be livid. And because of the complete lack of remorse I'd be sorely tempted to involve the police.

I really hope your Dsis can see sense and send him to his Dads. Hopefully your other sister can talk some sense into her. The fact he doesn't even appear to be remorseful means she can't allow him to stay. He will walk all over her.

I'm not sure that sending him to dad's is the right thing to do. Surely mum needs to take control of the situation rather than just passing the buck to dad? It seems to send the wrong message to me.

Anyway, good luck to your sister. It sounds a crap situation.

Surely mum needs to take control of the situation rather than just passing the buck to dad?

By doing what? The kid isn't sorry at all. Is she to sell all of his stuff, get a job for him and drag him there every day to make sure he goes?

sending him to the Dads as a punishment isn't buck passing, it is a statement that he isn't fit to be around them having stolen from both his mum and his sister, and presumably she's going to struggle to feed everyone this month so one less mouth is a good idea. Also remember the DS keeps waving going to his dads over her as some sort of threat and that bluff needs to be called.

Your sister may as well lay down and let him use her as doormat. She really isn't doing him any favours in letting him get away with it all. I wonder how long his father would put up with it all.

I'd be sending him to his dads and having nc until hes paid back all the money and paid for the trip to spain.

what a nasty piece of work he is.

Trust me, I'm fully aware that the little swine needs to be punished. I've been seething over the whole thing. No doubt more will be revealed in the fullness of time, but the ultimate decision rests with my sister. Her overriding feelings at the momemt are those of hurt and betrayal. The anger hasn't really kicked in yet.

presumably she's going to struggle to feed everyone this month so one less mouth is a good idea

AND, if she takes his key or changes the locks, she knows that he isn't going t be able to trash the house, steal stuff or eat every scrap of food in the fridge.

I would think that a few months with his dad would also be likely to let the little git see where he was well off, because I can't see his father and partner putting up with this shit.

Is there anyway that on this occasion your ex would support your sister. It would sound so much better if your nephew had both parents in front of him putting him right. Your poor sister.

Firstly op I'm sorry to hear your sisters having a hard time with her teen.
My eldest daughter is 18 and the last two years with him have been a challenge and downright horrendous at times but we seem to be coming through the worst of it now.
Firstly your sis needs to get angry with him and show him he's really stepped over any line. If he had done that to someone else he would have a criminal conviction now for theft and fraud.
I can understand how your sister has protected him in the past as I was a single parent at 18 and I'm sure that's where my protectiveness and softness came from.
It all came to a head this summer for me whilst going through a really stressful time my dad who has a part time job as well as studying blew all the money he was saving whist I was helping him out paying for things that came to a good few hundred pounds.
I found out during a family break away that he's been lying about saving and was behaving appallingly deliberately trying to ruin our only family break away. (He had a week in Spain and a week in Cornwall with his dad also) and something inside me clicked. It made me realise by covering up for his behaviour and allowing him to treat me so disrespectfully and speak to me the way he was was only turning him into a not very nice young adult and that by allowing it he would continue into adult life like it.
I got very angry with him and told him time to grow up and be responsible for himself. I stopped funding £70 a month for him to travel to his job and nights out. I stopped funding his driving lessons and any other fees I was before and I told him I expect every now and then that he pays into the home even just £10 here or there. He does earn part time but has no idea of budget and I've allowed that to happen.
He's had a few stark reminders in the last few weeks of his actions coming back to bite him on the bum and as much as I want to rush in and sort it out I've really sat on my hands and let him deal with his own doings and do you know what,he's learning!
I have the odd occasion where he will speak disrespectfully to me or will swear in front of younger siblings but I directly tell him enough not acceptable and walk away now. At 17 your nephew is old enough to know what's right and wrong and to understand boundaries and respect.
There are no excuses for what he has done and he needs to prove to your sis that he respects her and is sorry and that it will never happen again.
Good luck and keep supporting her how you are as these teen boys can really grind you down at times so it's good to have support

OP, remind your sister that she has not failed in any way. shape or form as a mother.

What her ds needed was his father to show him how to be man, a gentleman, how to treat women with respect - HE failed his son. He did not provide a good example for his son to follow - pre or after divorce. His son has simply copied his dads behaviour, maybe because he thinks 'dad got away with it and everything's fine so this will blow over too'.

This won't be the last time he tries to steal off someone. If she doesn't want to report him to the police - which is the kind of sharp shock he needs right now - then she needs to secure her bank card and details.

Making sure she wipes all the cookies and auto-fill form data on the computer.
If she sets up online banking, then each online transaction will ask for a password to authorise it.
She can access her statements asap and can turn off paper statements.

She can set text alerts to her phone when her account balance dips below the set amount.

Remind her to change the pin on her account.

Hi All. Had some more info from Dsis 2. My nephew's console and games have now been sold to pay off some of the debts, and my Dsis 1 has contacted the bank about changing her details. Looks like the majority of the money went on online gaming and not on drugs - which is still bad but at least he's not a drug addict. Also, my BiL has agreed to spend some time with him so that he has a positive male role model as his dickhead father definitely doesn't cut the mustard on that score. He's also been grounded and his phone has been confiscated. This means no contact with his friends and no football training. This is a big one for him as he loves his football. This explains why a lot of the stolen money was used to play FIFA online.

I think hope that he's starting to realise the impact that his actions have had on everyone - not least his mum and sister.

Bloody well hope he is starting to realise the consequences. Good result - hopefully. Great that bil will spend some time with him.

So pleased there's a positive male role model for him and that role model is happy to step up. That's really special.

Thanks for the updates, I'd love a happy ending to this one. I really hope your sister can work through her emotional issues too. Sometimes good things can grow from bed situations

but physical activity football training should be encouraged not removed. talk to the coach. have him do MORE football training not less. make him go out and do more training. volunteer to teach younger ones. that kind of thing.
having him sat at home is far worse than running around a football pitch.