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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to call my nephew and tear him a new one?

192 replies

Agerbilatemycardigan · 11/10/2016 22:25

Okay, a bit of background to illustrate why I'm so angry.

My younger sister was married with 2 DC, until her husband left her for OW.
He was also spending the mortgage money on OW which resulted in my sister and her children almost becoming homeless.

Fast forward a few years, and my sister now has the mortgage under control, having worked every hour she could to support her children, who have never gone without anything.

Had a phonecall this evening as apparently she can't pay her bills as there is no money in her account. Further investigation has shown that her 17 year old son has taken the money without permission. She is totally devastated and feels utterly betrayed. He's away at the moment but will be back tomorrow.

Our mother was in tears about this too, as we all thought that he was a decent kid. We really don't know how to proceed. Does my sister involve the police or punish him in some other way?

It's such a difficult one Sad

OP posts:
RabbitsNap01 · 12/10/2016 19:06

Time for his dad to sample some of this behaviour surely?

P1nkP0ppy · 12/10/2016 19:08

He's a thieving, deceitful, lazy little toe rag.
I'd send him to his father's and tell the exH to sort him out.
Very nasty piece of work with no conscience.

Soubriquet · 12/10/2016 19:13

Well with his X box sold, he won't be able to stay in his room all day playing will he?

FurryLittleTwerp · 12/10/2016 19:21

sounds like a chip off the old block Sad Angry

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/10/2016 19:28

Good point furry Sad

oleoleoleole · 12/10/2016 19:28

Id be digging deeper, what's he spent it on? Alcohol, drugs, is he being bullied. As well as solving the problem you need to look at the cause.

FlabulousChic · 12/10/2016 19:30

She needs to kick him out and get him to stay at his dads for a bit. He doesn't appreciate his mother nor respect her and that's real sad. His dad needs to be told what a shit his son is

Stripeyblanket · 12/10/2016 19:31

If you report to the Police, regardless of if you don't want to press charges, or if you 'just want him spoken to' under the counting rules from Home Office it would still have to be recorded as a crime. So while he has done something wrong, consider the outcome of what you do because if it is reported and recorded, he will still have a record.

mysistersimone · 12/10/2016 19:34

Hopefully now the truth is out your sister can get support and it sounds like sonny boy needs to go to his dad's. It's good your niece supports her mum. I really hope this can be the start of a positive change.

Stripeyblanket · 12/10/2016 19:35

Posted before I'd finished.

If your sister does want him dealing with via the law then definitely report. I'm not for one minute suggesting you don't, I just wanted to explain that if the Police are informed, regardless of if your sister doesn't want to take it further, they are still required to record that a crime has happened.

FlabulousChic · 12/10/2016 19:37

If this was my son I would get the police to talk to him. Id also tell the school and anyone who would listen. Id shame him

Original poster
Agerbilatemycardigan · 12/10/2016 19:37

Definitely think that he should be sent to his dad. His father needs to find out just how much crap my sister's been putting up with.

OP posts:
RabbitsNap01 · 12/10/2016 20:52

Yes, it's not normal that he's showing no remorse for stealing his mum's and sister's money - surely there is an age where you have to show that awful actions have awful consequences? I'd kick him out to his dads definitely. It doesn't add up that he thinks it's ok to steal, then refuse to get a job. My lovely p had a similar situation where they had to kick a teenage gc out for stealing (and he was threatening to live with dad), after a few months with dad he realised he was much worse off.

Tonsiltennis · 12/10/2016 22:03

Id be digging deeper, what's he spent it on? Alcohol, drugs, is he being bullied. As well as solving the problem you need to look at the cause.

^^theres something more going on.

Memoires · 12/10/2016 22:29

Your poor sister and neice Flowers they are having a really horrid time.

Would shipping him off to his dad help, in reality? Would his dad be as much of an arse as ds is, and encourage him to think what he's done is ok and that the women are over-reacting? In the US, don't they send boys wh do this to some sort of camp? Wink

ohtheholidays · 12/10/2016 22:38

Honestly OP if he's being that much of a spoilt little shit about it your sister does need to ring the Police!

I know most others on this thread won't agree but there was 2 people in my extended family that behaved that way when they were teenagers and they're parents covered for them and they both went onto get criminal records,they honestly believed they could take what they wanted when they wanted and Mummy and Daddy would cover for them,the idiots didn't seem to understand that once they were adults there was nothing they're parents could do for them.

CheddarGorgeous · 12/10/2016 22:44

What an awful situation. In similar cases it's often turned out to be drug misuse at the core of it.

Sending the boy to live with his dad might get him away from bad influences.

Flowers for you and your sister.

Original poster
Agerbilatemycardigan · 12/10/2016 23:16

We don't think he's taking drugs, but he's got in with a rough crowd. It might be a good idea to put some distance between him and them for a while to see if that helps.

OP posts:
Flyingbellycopters · 12/10/2016 23:55

Just caught up with this after reading last night. I just wanted to say I'm really sorry things have turned out how they have. Was hoping for a remorseful boy willing to do anything to make it up to his mum - and now sister. But appears not.
Sounds like your sister has had fairly rotten time with her son but kept of from you because she was ashamed or hoped would get better or whatever.
Hope you can be support for her, sounds like she is really going to need you.
If he stays or goes to his dad it's not going to be easy.
Also agree with others - you need to find out where money went so you can get to underlying reason for what he wanted money for and where it went.

GabsAlot · 13/10/2016 00:29

he sounds like a brat eats all the food trashes the house?

you dsis has got to to stand upt o him now and stop being treated like a mug

he knows he can do what he likes and she wont do anything

amusedbush · 13/10/2016 09:09

I'd pack him off to his dad's without a second thought. What a horrible, selfish brat.

RabbitsNap01 · 13/10/2016 09:18

if nothing else, she needs to send him to his dad's to take back control and stop him making that threat and thinking that's allowing him to behave that way at home. And also because he's showing no remorse, and she can take back control by 'choosing to send him to his Dads. 2 birds, 1 stone.

Original poster
Agerbilatemycardigan · 13/10/2016 09:27

Hi everyone. Just checking in. No more news as yet, but am hoping that my Dsis does what is best for her - basically, sending him to his dad's for a while. Will give her a call later and find out what she's decided to do.

OP posts:
BowieFan · 13/10/2016 09:31

Tear him a new one? I'd do more than bloody that, I can tell you. I feel so sorry for your sister. All her hard work ruined by a greedy little twat. Sorry, but I feel there's no excuse for his behaviour. He knows what happened in the past, surely? Why would you ever want to leave your own flesh and blood, the woman who gave birth to you, in that position again? Disgusting.

fuzzyduck1 · 13/10/2016 09:44

I've been through this with step kids. Not taking out of the bank but taking a lot of stuff and money from house. Ended up splitting us up.

Waist of time involving the police they are only interested in doing kids for littering or fighting so it makes there figures good.
If it went to court and he did get fined it would be his parents that would have to pay it anyway.