AIBU not to pay for decapitated teddy bear

[RestlessTraveller]

So I have a rescue dog who is lovely but has suffered appalling treatment in the past.
He loves meeting people but is very excitable so I am very careful when he is around people. Today I was sat outside a coffee shop and he was being extremely well behaving sitting beside my chair, a woman with a boy aged about 3 came
and sat at the table next to me. The little
boy asked if he could stroke the dog and I explained it was best not to as he might jump up at him. Cue an almighty tantrum, with him screaming "I want to stroke the puppy", his mother told him not to because the dog was obviously "vicious". I explained that he wasn't vicious just excitable. To which point the child yelled "nasty doggy" and kicked out at him missing my my dog, but very close by. I told him not to do it again and to go back and sit with his mother which he did but minutes later he threw his teddy bear at him at which point my dog looked at this soft toy on the ground, picked it up and promptly ripped it's head off. Whilst trying not to die of embarrassment I apologised but the mother completely flipped out, telling me that it was a dangerous dog and should be put to sleep. She then demanded that I pay for the toy. I told her that if he child hadn't thrown it the dog would never have got his paws on it and walked off. I don't think I was BU but my friend thinks I should have coffed up. What do you think?

OP YAabsolutelyNOTBU in any way.

Weeds I am so so sorry, what a heartbreaking thing to happen

There is nothing worse than mothers and fathers who sit back and coo/laugh/don't react at all when their odious children cause destruction, discomfort and/or damage to the animals, people and indeed items around them.

The mum was probably having a bad day and might be scared of dogs

I really dislike dogs. I wouldn't have encouraged my DC to go up to a strange one. If they had done and the OP had said "no, don't touch", I'd have moved them on swiftly with a "don't touch". If she'd then kicked the dog if have been mortified....and at that point would swiftly have moved her away from said dog after apologising to the owner. If she then threw something at the dog? It wouldn't be the dog owner I was flipping out at. I think it's entirely the fault of the mother. And I say this as someone who has had quite a few run ins with dog owners whose dogs aren't under their control!

And yes, lashing out like that - whilst not a sign that the child is some kind of psychopath larva - is nevertheless not a good sign, and is certainly indicative that drastic action needs to be taken.

The mum was probably having a bad day and might be scared of dogs.

So if she's scared of dogs then it's ok the let them be kicked?

Someone once let her child terrify my dog, with intent, and just looked on smugly. Child is growing up to be lovely. not

You said you didn't want your dog petted.

The mother wrongfully called your dog vicious, you could argue she scared her child due to this.

The child tried to kick your dog.

The child threw an item at your dog and your dog probably thought it was a game.

Hmm... I can only see the mother and child being in the wrong here so YANBU. You shouldn't have offered to pay for a new toy, maybe it'll teach the child not to throw objects at a person or animal.

Children who are instinctively cruel to animals frighten me.

And rightly so. It's a really bad sign.

Children yes, toddlers no.

It's not normal for even toddlers to kick animals in anger.

That can be rough when playing, that's goes with the territory, but kick to hurt, no.

Children who are instinctively cruel to animals frighten me.

You would be scared of a three year old who kicked out near a dog after his mother told him it was vicious?

I've posted on this thread since the beginning CKS and am firmly on the OP's side BUT you're being unreasonable.

Toddlers lash out, it's what they do, they do it at their parents, their siblings, other children and animals, theirs and strange ones. They're learning how to behave appropriately and sometimes their emotions get the better of them. If a 5/6 year old was throwing things at animals I'd worry, a 3 year old is just being a 3 year old.

Well, you have your opinion, and I have mine.

True but yours is wrong

Do you know who I'm frightened of?

People who vilify children for things beyond their developmental control.

People who call children little shits.

People who would laugh at a child when their toy is destroyed. (Not Kali )

People who think 'poetic justice' is something that should apply to the behaviour of a three year old.

Yeah, I've found this thread worrying.

Can I just say I'm really pleased this thread is still going and that is has also addressed parents who pass their fears onto their children.

Thank you so much for all the messages of support and for all of the compliments about my frankly adorable puppy.

[shrugs shoulders]

As I said above, it has happened to my lovely dog and the child in question turned out a right little shit later.
If the toddler kicks a defenceless animal and the mother doesn't do anything about it, worse, she encourages it, then do you really expect him to grow up a lovely decent a loving person?

We only have the ops say so that the child was three. Several children I know looked three, and wore three year old clothes when they weren't even two. You have no idea whether the child had special needs even.

i don't consider the dog attacked my child when it tried to play with the thing my child was holding, it was doing what dogs do. A bit of tolerance comes in handy at times.

Absolutely kondos. Throwing, hitting are all developmental stages. Doesn't mean they grow up into horrid adults. Tolerance. Gentle guiding.

my frankly adorable puppy

Ha!

So you admit he is "frankly adorable"!

Everything is YOUR fault. You should not have a dog like that (from his photo I can see that he is almost terminally cute - in real life, wagging his li'l tail and skipping about on his tiny li'l paws he must be heart-meltingly gorgeous!

That is the wrong sort of dog.

We had a bull terrier (bless him!) who was so FUGLY that no-one willingly came near. He also had breath like an open sewer and the other end exuded noxious gases that were most probably contrary to the Geneva Convention.

He loved to be petted, and he adored kids - but none of them wanted to touch him because he was Very Scary to look at. That is the sort of dog you need.

(He would still have eaten the teddy, though . . . )

If the child was indeed 3. I suspect he may have been younger. The mother and child's side of this story are unknown so most people are just assuming the child was a NT three year old. I don't think kicking out at a dog is a sign of concern without knowing the child either. My friend's son is 6 but functioning on a level of a small baby. He tests the world around him very like a baby but with the strength and dexterity of a 6 year old. Coming to our farm is beneficial for him but we do need to keep close. Luckily our dog is a trained farm dog so for obvious reasons she doesn't have squeaky toys or rip and shake games. He has on occasion pulled at her fur and hit her with his comfort towel. Our children and his cousins/friends firmly take his hand and teach him how to be gentle, he's not dangerous or cruel. Anyone who didn't know him could easily call him a insensitive brat with a bad mother. They would be very wrong though.

If the toddler kicks a defenceless animal and the mother doesn't do anything about it, worse, she encourages it, then do you really expect him to grow up a lovely decent a loving person?

So, you are justified in the vilification of a three year old because you assume he is predestined to become a shit as an adult?

As a result of poor parenting?

Am I clear in understanding your logic there?

Yes.

Capiria I see you have had the comment as to why I won't engage with you reported and deleted. (slow hand clap).

Now yes you're right I don't know for sure that he was three, as I said in my OP he looked about three. I made this judgement on the fact that I work with children a lot of which are about that age. I wasn't simply guessing.

I despair.