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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU not to pay for decapitated teddy bear

540 replies

RestlessTraveller · 10/10/2016 12:32

So I have a rescue dog who is lovely but has suffered appalling treatment in the past.
He loves meeting people but is very excitable so I am very careful when he is around people. Today I was sat outside a coffee shop and he was being extremely well behaving sitting beside my chair, a woman with a boy aged about 3 came
and sat at the table next to me. The little
boy asked if he could stroke the dog and I explained it was best not to as he might jump up at him. Cue an almighty tantrum, with him screaming "I want to stroke the puppy", his mother told him not to because the dog was obviously "vicious". I explained that he wasn't vicious just excitable. To which point the child yelled "nasty doggy" and kicked out at him missing my my dog, but very close by. I told him not to do it again and to go back and sit with his mother which he did but minutes later he threw his teddy bear at him at which point my dog looked at this soft toy on the ground, picked it up and promptly ripped it's head off. Whilst trying not to die of embarrassment I apologised but the mother completely flipped out, telling me that it was a dangerous dog and should be put to sleep. She then demanded that I pay for the toy. I told her that if he child hadn't thrown it the dog would never have got his paws on it and walked off. I don't think I was BU but my friend thinks I should have coffed up. What do you think?

OP posts:
NataliaOsipova · 11/10/2016 20:14

Love I really don't care for dogs. If a dog came up to my child, who was sitting in a coffee shop minding her own business, and tore her toy from her hand and ripped its head off, then I would probably say much the same as you. The "only a puppy" arguments would fall on deaf ears. But the child was told - politely - not to go near the dog. The child then kicked the dog and threw the toy at it in anger. That's why (I think, at least) it is not the fault or responsibility of the OP but of the mother of the child in question.

RestlessTraveller · 11/10/2016 20:25

Ok Love, I'll bite (pardon the pun). What are you confused about?

OP posts:
kali110 · 11/10/2016 20:34

It's not hard to remove a child misbehaving in a coffeeshop.
You get your stuff and you leave.
My folks managed it. My friends manage it. I manage it with my family and friends little ones when i take them out. Give a warning, still playing up we leave.
I would have apologised and left and he tried kicking the dog.
Great op, you've got another one Grin

RestlessTraveller · 11/10/2016 20:36

This one's different Kali. She "hates" me!

OP posts:
kali110 · 11/10/2016 20:49

*Grin omg that's brilliant

MiaowTheCat · 11/10/2016 21:00

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RestlessTraveller · 11/10/2016 21:05

OMG Miaw I am so going to change the dogs name to McWuffin and have a business card for his destuffing services made!

OP posts:
Headofthehive55 · 11/10/2016 21:17

I would not be happy to sit near a dog who is capable of over excitement with or without children. So I think it is unwise to take a dog into that location. If it did jump up if as you say it's prone to do so, there are hot drinks about and it could get hurt.

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 11/10/2016 21:20

I've been going to cafes, pubs and restaurants with two dogs and nothing has ever been spilled.

Sitting next to them isn't compulsory.

RestlessTraveller · 11/10/2016 21:20

He only jumps up if people come up to him, which is why I asked the child to stay away.

OP posts:
Thingamajiggy · 11/10/2016 21:54

How ridiculous! No way should you pay for something that a child chucked at your dog. I'd have told her that stupid out of control brat should be put down or at least put on a leash if she wasn't able to control it.

If my daughter did that I'd be use it as a lesson to her NOT to throw things at dogs.

Vinorosso74 · 11/10/2016 22:02

I'm not a doggy person as such but am an animal lover and no way would I let my DD behave like that around any animal. She is older than child here but knows to respect animals and to be kind and gentle with them. She loves our cat and is brilliant with cats in general.
I do wonder when animals attack kids how much they've taken before they snap.Parents really need to take responsibility to teach kids to treat animals kindly but sadly I don't think all adults know how to themselves.
So no YANBU to not pay for decapitated soft toy.

supermoon100 · 11/10/2016 22:03

I think it sounds a bit mean. The kid was only 3 ffs!

ZebraOwl · 11/10/2016 22:03

YWDNBU. And nor was McWuffin Wink

The mother, on the other hand, was vvv unreasonable not to keep her child properly under control. She shouldn't have been letting her child roam around the coffee shop simply because he mugh

RetroImp · 11/10/2016 22:04

There are a small number of posters that are truly bonkers with their unpleasant attitudes to dogs. But as much as I adore and am active in dog rescue, I totally respect someone having a phobia. It's not really fair to berate NataliaOsipova for ein nervous around them if they come up to her. She's been very understanding of the OP. Live and let live.

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 11/10/2016 22:07

The kid was only 3 ifs!

Yeah. But the mother wasn't.

Marymoosmum14 · 11/10/2016 22:23

YANBU I would have asked what the hell she knew about dogs as she cant even control her "vicious" child. How can she say your dog is dangerous when it chewed an inanimate object and her child tried to kick a living creature?

gemma19846 · 11/10/2016 22:32

YaNBU! I dont think i would of been so calm with the little spoilt brat and his mother!

ZebraOwl · 11/10/2016 22:56

Sorry, one of the ZebraCats went in for an affectionate headbutt & I hit post by accident...

As I was saying, wee folk need corralling in cafés etc full stop to stop their being baptised with scalding liquids. Or getting fingers trapped in things. Or being smacked on the head when someone pushes their chair back not expecting there to be a child sitting on the floor behind them. As well as protecting children from harm, other customers have the right not to be bothered by random small humans.

In this specific case there was a particular person (& dog) that the parent should have been vigilant about keeping her offspring away from given the earlier behaviour. But for some reason she felt it appropriate to let him go & bother them again. She's lucky that it was just a pseudo-ursine execution that was the outcome: if McWuffins The Destroyer had decided the wee lad wanted to play & had bounced up & knocked him down, the boy might have been hurt &/or frightened.

Throwing toys from prams has consequences - they might end up run over or on the train tracks or McWuffined... or sitting on Snowy Owl's lap for the next 10 minutes of Mass because dolly doesn't like to be thrown on the floor, the priest doesn't like you to throw her & you were told that would happen if you threw dolly again. (First time dolly was dropped accidentally. We then had two deliberate lobs, one of which almost made it to the sanctuary - small person in question being in double buggy parked beside Brownie pew at front of nave as is where there's space for wheelchairs or in this case a double pushchair - & as I couldn't be leaping up & down all of Mass & leaving it on the floor wasn't a plan, there was a warning. Lots of adults don't follow through on threats, of course, so my new wee friend thought she'd do some boundary-testing. And of course discovered that I'd meant exactly what I said. When dolly was returned she even got an apology... mother in that instance even thanked me for putting a stop to dollscus situation, though obviously there is a difference between brief confiscation & decapitation Wink)

I think it's v sweet you've made that donation on behalf of McWuffins The Destroyer. I'm very much a cat person but he looks adorable. I was knocked down & pinned to the ground by a spaniel when we were in the Channel Islands when I was 5 - literally from nowhere. We were walking along a road & from a lane that joined onto it this dog suddenly bounded out, barking wildly, and knocked me flat. It felt like forever before my DF could get the dog off me & I even when he did I couldn't move as I was totally winded so the dog was still trying to get back to me, barks now interspersed with whines (because of course it had gone from "hello hello HELLO LET'S PLAY LITTLE HUMAN!" to "why is the little human on the floor? why is it making those noises? SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THE LITTLE HUMAN". When the owner strolled up they did the whole "oh she just wanted to play thing" & of course I know now that she did. At 5 I was convinced I was going to be eaten. I also know now that due to my disability I produce too much adrenaline. So a dog barking doesn't just startle me a bit, it will amp up my fight-or-flight to a ridiculous degree - my body/brain responding as it would to an actual threat. The good thing is that just knowing that's what's going on can help me manage my response... So yes, I'm certainly not all "let me immediately side with the dog[owner]s. But certainly in this case YWNBUAA.

Weedsnseeds1 · 11/10/2016 22:58

No, YANBU. My friend visited my house with child in tow, child made beeline for 20 year old cat. I asked him to leave the cat alone and his mother said " you can stroke her, but be careful as she is old and frail". Child made exaggerated show of gently stroking the cat and the second he thought he wasn't being watched snatched a handful of long fur and yanked. When I shouted at him to stop, he smacked his hand down on her head and gouged her eyes with his fingers. Mother laughed and said "he is a bit clumsy". Cat put down due to broken jaw. Parents should train children not to attack animals. Child was 3.5 so same age approx as dog tormenting brat

FrancisCrawford · 11/10/2016 23:00

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrancisCrawford · 11/10/2016 23:05

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Weedsnseeds1 · 11/10/2016 23:10

I agree Francis, horrible child. I did once drive over someone's remote controlled car. As they chose to play with it on an A road at a blind bend at the top of a hill I felt not a shred of remorse. Child is no longer allowed in my house.

Weedsnseeds1 · 11/10/2016 23:13

Cat far too old to fight back. In her younger days would have been no contest.

Headofthehive55 · 11/10/2016 23:15

i think it underlines why children should not go near any strange dog. I tell mine never to go near, and certainly never to stroke or Pat them.

It's just too confusing for little ones when some owners encourage touch, and some don't. I always felt it was safer to be consistent. Unfortunately I do wish dog owners would work in a similar way. Some seem quite miffed when we don't stop to fuss their dog!