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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU not to pay for decapitated teddy bear

540 replies

RestlessTraveller · 10/10/2016 12:32

So I have a rescue dog who is lovely but has suffered appalling treatment in the past.
He loves meeting people but is very excitable so I am very careful when he is around people. Today I was sat outside a coffee shop and he was being extremely well behaving sitting beside my chair, a woman with a boy aged about 3 came
and sat at the table next to me. The little
boy asked if he could stroke the dog and I explained it was best not to as he might jump up at him. Cue an almighty tantrum, with him screaming "I want to stroke the puppy", his mother told him not to because the dog was obviously "vicious". I explained that he wasn't vicious just excitable. To which point the child yelled "nasty doggy" and kicked out at him missing my my dog, but very close by. I told him not to do it again and to go back and sit with his mother which he did but minutes later he threw his teddy bear at him at which point my dog looked at this soft toy on the ground, picked it up and promptly ripped it's head off. Whilst trying not to die of embarrassment I apologised but the mother completely flipped out, telling me that it was a dangerous dog and should be put to sleep. She then demanded that I pay for the toy. I told her that if he child hadn't thrown it the dog would never have got his paws on it and walked off. I don't think I was BU but my friend thinks I should have coffed up. What do you think?

OP posts:

ZebraOwl · 11/10/2016 23:18

Oh Weeds

That's terrible. Child, as PP said, basically killed your cat - and their parent laughed it off... have just startled ZebraCats by squooshing into their snugglebundle for a moment because I needed to cuddle them.

Don't blame you at all for not letting child into your house. Ugh.

Dontpanicpyke · 11/10/2016 23:24

weeds

You just despair don't you? I brought up my 4 to respect and love animals. 17 year old dd rescued a fruit fly from her drink yesterday and blew on its wings until it was dry and flew away.

I actually feel bringing your child up to mistreat animals is child abuse.

Ipsie · 11/10/2016 23:34

YANBU And you are well within your rights to sit outside with your dog at a cafe or indeed anywhere that accepts dogs. As long as they are under your control. No problem. And people big and small - and the smells supervised by the big if too little to understand better, should ask if ok to stroke dog and if told no to go away. No reason or explanation is needed. They ask - answer no. The end.

If a stranger asked to hold your baby and you said no would you be expected to give an explanation? If they asked to have a go on your bike do you need to explain why they can't? Should you not take your children out as they may (often kids do) walk into or run into people and cause accidents?

The dog was under control minding its business. Either ignore and carry on with your own business, ask and get told no - carry on with business. No reason at all as to why dog should not be there. Child has tantrum - deal with child! Child throws toy and toy gets broken - 'that's what happens when you lose your temper and are disrespectful - learn from it. Now we go home' 3 yr old learns a very important lesson. Actually home time would have been the second child tried to kick dog.

Phobia - yes I understand that can be extremely uncomfortable. My sister has a phobia of dogs. To the extent that until recently just reading the word 'dog' would cause a panic attack. She can now hold a picture of a dog but it's been a long journey. But she accepts they are part of life. And it's for her to learn to master something that is affecting her life. That others get a tremendous amount of joy and fulfilment from them. She sees no reason why they should be banned from parks town centres or anywhere just because she has an extreme phobia. As she puts it phobias exists in many forms - water, trees, balloons, books, pencils, spiders, knees.... the list is endless (she goes to a support group and has come across very surprising phobias - actually she's terrified of flies too) ... do we ban those things? Cut down all trees in parks, kill all spiders and flies? Ban balloons, straws and books? Insist all cover up their knees? All men be forced to shave? No. Phobias are awful things to live with but its not a good enough reason to ban something.

Continue to enjoy your dogs company wherever he is accepted.

Weedsnseeds1 · 11/10/2016 23:35

We never had pets as children as my mother didn't like animals, but were certainly taught to respect them ( I am a twin, not the royal we). My old girl had done nothing to deserve it and nor had the OP dog. Chuck a toy at a dog and it will pounce at it and mother was lucky the dog obviously saw it as play not aggression

kali110 · 12/10/2016 02:36

weeds omg i'm so sorry.
I'm really not sure what i would do if a kid did that to one of mine.
Cannot believe it did it on purpose!
What a shit! What an awful mother.
As if she laughed, great parenting there.
Not allowed in your house? They wouldn't be allowed on my street

Bulbasaur · 12/10/2016 03:18

I told him not to do it again and to go back and sit with his mother which he did but minutes later he threw his teddy bear at him at which point my dog looked at this soft toy on the ground, picked it up and promptly ripped it's head off.

That's pretty funny actually.

Kid got what he deserved. I would have been doubled over laughing.

Kid's 3, so it's not really his fault per say. But mom should have to pay for her own mistake of not supervising her child correctly, or teaching him how to treat animals. My 2 year old knows how to be gentle with animals (under supervision of course, she does hug them a bit rough on accident). This kid was obviously never taught if he's deliberately kicking at the dog.

sykadelic · 12/10/2016 03:55

I wouldn't have paid either in the situation you explained.

I have 2 jack russell x dogs, each around 16 lbs. One of them is lovingly nicknamed "destructo-puppy" because she will "kill" toys that are supposed to heavy duty in less than 5 minutes. If it has a squeaker it'll be even faster.

The other one couldn't care less about toys until they've been de-squeaked and then sometimes she'll play with them but her real obsession is laser pointers. Absolutely obsessed with the things!!

In neither case are my dogs EVER aggressive towards people. Even if a stranger tried to take a toy from them they'd let them. They don't have a "leave" command but will react to wait or a loud "Uh!" sound... that is if I get enough time to issue that command.

The OP has clearly stated the dog was asleep under the chair between her legs (or feet if you want to be pedantic). The dog was hit in the back of the head with a toy. It wouldn't have looked around to see who threw it, it just thought "TOY!". The child throwing the toy would have been very quick about it, we all know what a 3 y/o's tantrum is like so the OP highly likely had no warning and not sufficient time to say leave and frankly having now seen the (adorable) photo of the dog in question, there's absolutely no doubt in my mind hes exactly like my 1st dog and will kill a toy in a heartbeat

embo1 · 12/10/2016 04:19

YANBU.
This could have been my son on an extremely bad day, though he's never tried to hurt an animal, thinks worms are 'cute' etc
He loves dogs and hates 'no'. I'd have intervened as soon as you said no and talked to him about why. And made sure he was taken away from the situation, even if just made to sit at the table.
The second he dared to think about being violent, I'd have intervened.
He'd have learnt a difficult lesson about not throwing toys!
Definitely not your responsibility.

supermoon100 · 12/10/2016 07:36

This is a dog lovers thread obs bit I feel the pain of the poor child who lost their toy. It was an accident and poss the mothers fault but poor kid. No-one intended for toy to get eaten. Therefore an accident. Everyone seems a bit vitriolic.

Headofthehive55 · 12/10/2016 07:37

You can't always prevent a child throwing stuff as like someone says they are very quick unless you don't give them anything in the first place.

I wouldn't worry about the words nasty doggie, they are they exact words we used when there were strange dogs near. Not because they were definitely nasty, but my children understood that word and it made the dog less desirable.

hazebaze87 · 12/10/2016 08:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SusanneLinder · 12/10/2016 08:33

Also have rescue dogs. Sweetest dogs ever and know how to behave. But a lot of dogs have dog toys that are soft ( usually with squeaks) and they don't know the difference between their toys and my bear... Hardly makes them vicious.
I would probably have offered to pay for the bear because a child lost his, but I blame the mother for not controlling their child. But you were not under any obligation to do so IMO

user1468518769 · 12/10/2016 08:39

Yanbu. Why should you pay for a child who threw something at your dog. Don't feel guilty. I really wish parents would teach children from a young age how to treat animals. I HAD a friend who kicked my dog because he sniffed his pregnant wife, they had come into my home and knew I had a young border collie. Then had the baby and allowed there bratty little boy to hit him and squeal in his face. We avoided seeing them until after a torturous hoilday, never spoke again. I did stick up for my dog and he was my dd best friend. She would steal the dog biscuits and serve it to him on her toy plates and give him water in her teacups. (I did wash them).

Roversandrhodes · 12/10/2016 08:59

You did the right thing telling the mother and child not to let child stroke the dog.Your dog mistook stuffed toy for chew toy after being hit on the head with it.Totally understandable.
the mother should be the one apologising to you for her child kicking your dog and no you shouldn't be replacing child's toy ,he threw it at your dog ,your dog didn't go over grab it and chew it's head off.
Disgusted at the poster saying you should have kicked the child back when it kicked your dog.Hope you don't have kids

OdeToAutumn · 12/10/2016 09:58

I'm not a dog lover and I still said op was in the right. I think some of the words used to describe the child have been a bit much, he's only 3, but I do think the mother is responsible. I don't care if she had just bought a coffee or whatever, if my kid tried to kick another animal or person, I would apologise and leave.

ooodly · 12/10/2016 10:07

Just wanted to add to the chorus of YANBU.

Awful kid, awful mother.

Jaxhog · 12/10/2016 11:02

I'm not a dog person either, but if a child tries to kick your dog, then throws a soft toy near him, what did the mother expect to happen? Her response was horrible too.

I have a cat that hates furry toys, especially ones with squeakers in. It can dismember them in a heartbeat.

KirstyLaura · 12/10/2016 12:23

Also adding to the chorus, YADNBU. I'd have disciplined my child for throwing his toy at the dog and thereby losing it. Sorry child, my three year old is enough to know that is inappropriate and comes with consequences.

Headofthehive55 · 12/10/2016 12:48

Dogs don't know the difference between their toy or child's toy. If the dog had been another child would you all have felt the same? Or would you have prevented your brat from destroying someone's property? I think even if your property falls into someone else's land, you still are obliged to return it.

Dogs do like to wrestle with toys. Unfortunately my little boy was walking through the park when a dog ran up to him and grabbed the thing he was holding.

NataliaOsipova · 12/10/2016 12:54

Unfortunately my little boy was walking through the park when a dog ran up to him and grabbed the thing he was holding.

That's awful - in your situation, I would have very different view. There the dog basically attacked your child....but in the situation the OP describes the child attacked the dog. (Maybe attacked not the best way to put it, but you see what I mean). So I do think it's different and that the fault lies with the mother who failed to control her child (rather than the OP failing to control her dog),

IrianOfW · 12/10/2016 13:09

No yanbu.

There was poetic justice and conveniently instant consequences for the boy. If he loved his teddy bear so much he shouldn't have chucked it.

Terriers were bred to kill rabbits with a quick shake of the head so I guess teddy bears are similar

I think you should make a 'Teddy Killer' badge to go in his lead That'll keep the furry little buggers away!

supermoon100 · 12/10/2016 13:13

The child did not attack the dog, the child kicked out at the dog! Thats not legally considered an attack, however brattish the behaviour may be percieved. Ironic that the op got offended at the use of the word vicious to describe her dog- 'not vicious just excitable' and then the dog goes on to tear the head of a teddy bear off!

maxington · 12/10/2016 13:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

alltouchedout · 12/10/2016 13:21

The strength of feeling on this thread is interesting!

TBH the 3 year old was doing what 3 year olds often do and the dog was doing what dogs often do. Both 3 year olds and dogs have limited understanding about social niceties.

No living things got hurt, the child might remember that dogs can bite quite effectively the next time he considers trying to kick one, the dog, well, IDK if it's ever reasonable to expect a dog to refrain from biting the head off a soft toy but if it is I suppose OP will train him appropriately. Not worth being upset about. The mum was probably having a bad day and might be scared of dogs. Its' not like her words will have hurt the pup's feelings, shrug and move on.

Dontpanicpyke · 12/10/2016 13:27

None of my 3 year olds would have kicked an animal! Sorry no that's not normal behaviour for a child. Bad parenting.

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