AIBU not to pay for decapitated teddy bear

[RestlessTraveller]

So I have a rescue dog who is lovely but has suffered appalling treatment in the past.
He loves meeting people but is very excitable so I am very careful when he is around people. Today I was sat outside a coffee shop and he was being extremely well behaving sitting beside my chair, a woman with a boy aged about 3 came
and sat at the table next to me. The little
boy asked if he could stroke the dog and I explained it was best not to as he might jump up at him. Cue an almighty tantrum, with him screaming "I want to stroke the puppy", his mother told him not to because the dog was obviously "vicious". I explained that he wasn't vicious just excitable. To which point the child yelled "nasty doggy" and kicked out at him missing my my dog, but very close by. I told him not to do it again and to go back and sit with his mother which he did but minutes later he threw his teddy bear at him at which point my dog looked at this soft toy on the ground, picked it up and promptly ripped it's head off. Whilst trying not to die of embarrassment I apologised but the mother completely flipped out, telling me that it was a dangerous dog and should be put to sleep. She then demanded that I pay for the toy. I told her that if he child hadn't thrown it the dog would never have got his paws on it and walked off. I don't think I was BU but my friend thinks I should have coffed up. What do you think?

Glastonbury why don't you think it's a good idea to sit outside a cafe with a dog?

I was all set to say yabu but having read your op I'd say yanbu. The mother shouldn't have let her child kick at your dog or throw his toys at it.

YANBU

Usually I'm a bit biased on these threads as I'm someone who's very nervous of dogs but crikey YANBU! I'd be mortified if my toddler behaved like that, and would be hoping the dog hadn't swallowed a small part.

However on the "vicious" dog comment, in the woman's defence, my DD is 3 and I always ask before she can stroke dogs. If it's a 'no' (which I always appreciate BTW!) I say the doggy doesn't like to be stroked and if she persists i might explain further that some doggies hurt children who stroke them and we don't want that to happen do we. I know dogs who do actually hurt kids are rare but sometimes putting that fear in them in that situation is the only way to get them to STFU explain it!

"Die of embarrassment" OP? I've almost died laughing, due to chewing and laughing simultaneously, while reading this
one image.
And just as well the kid wasn't holding something hard and heavy when he lobbed what he had at the dog....
Oh, and YADNBU, OP. I appreciate that children can have off days, but I think that the mother should have managed hers better.

I'd kick the kid if it kicked at my dog quite frankly.

Really? Fuck me, here come the crazy dog people, brace yourself.

Three year old can be brats. I don't think they should have it held against them on account of them being three. They might also kick out at things, it needs dealing with but again, it shouldn't be held against them on account of them being only three. And anyone who tells you otherwise is a dick.

Other people, for all sorts of reasons, can be unpredictable too.

If

You shouldn't kick them either, even if they kick your dog.

The child did the right thing to ask before touching the dog. Having a tantrum and throwing a toy afterwards are obviously not nice, but pretty usual 3 year old behaviour. Calling him a brat is not nice.

Regarding the toy, yanbu to not pay for it, but in this situation I would have apologised and offer to replace with a similar soft toy to keep the peace. I have loads at home, and would happily have given one. Alternatively they can be picked up for pennies in charity shops.

I don't think it's a good idea to sit with a dog outside a café.

Why not? If it's a dog friendly cafe I don't see a problem.

Yeah it's not possible to remain dignified whilst walking away from an argument with a terrier with a mouthful of teddy bear innards in it's mouth tucked under your arm.

There is also a world of difference between a dog which will happily rip apart a soft toy (most puppies) and a dangerous dog.

(And the backstory isn't relevant!)

Of course it is. It explains why OP (rightfully) is careful with her dog around people.

YANBU. Awful mother, awful child.

"I don't think it's a good idea to sit with a dog outside a café."

Yes, you should stay at home, along with parents of babies and children, in fact anything that isn't a young beautiful hipster isn't allowed at a café. Begone and become hermits.

I think the fundamental point is that the dog was asleep, woken up by a teddy bear bonking it on the head, and ripped the teddy bear's head off. I don't know about dogs, but personally I just don't think that's ok. If you take your dog out and it destroys stuff then you have to pay for that stuff. The kid's previous behaviour and how the mother acted are not relevant (since the OP has said they didn't contribute to the dog's behaviour).

It's a natural consequence isn't it - you throw your toy at an animal, it gets eaten. I wouldn't offer to pay.

Fucking hell. I don't like dogs at ALL but even I think this woman is waaaay out if line (I don't like them because my son was bitten on the nose by one requiring stitches) so you saying....no don't stroke him was the responsible thing to do. Her child and she have learnt a lesson.

Yanbu. The mother needs to look at this as a life lesson for her child.

Hahahaha sorry but o would have loved to watch.

My DD once wanted to pet a dog and got a 'no, the dog isn't always okay with children' response..she also kicked off, so I put myself between her and the dog and explained calmly that it wasn't a big deal and there would undoubtedly be other dogs to pet in the future, and when she didn't settle, I just picked her up and walked her out of the situation.

I don't like dogs, I don't believe they should be kept as pets, but if you think there is the slightest chance your child is winding up a dog you have just been told might not react well to children, surely you just take yourself and them out of the way?

Surely avoiding escalation is the primary concern, not leaving your kid to kick at or throw things at a dog?

YANBU

*i

But the child chucking the toy at a dog which rips the head off is a similar accident to the child chucking the toy under the wheels of a car which crushes it, or over a bridge into a river.
In the first example, the car driver wouldn't be responsible. It's an occupational hazard of throwing your toy around.

Although his mum had a terrible attitude, you can't expect small children to behave around your dog, nor can you expect all parents to have their children under control. Toddlers have tantrums, it's par for the course, and occasionally throw toys.

I think I would have apologised and offered to pay for the teddy to diffuse the situation.
However, I think you behaved responsibly by warning the parent and were sitting in an outside area with your dog tied up. You sound as though you have experience with handling dogs but I do wonder if taking an abused, excitable dog to a coffee shop was a bad call? Sorry.

YADNBU!!!!!

It's not your fault, or your dog's if someone hasn't brought their child up properly. I would have told her to stuff it up her arse. You are obviously much more polite than I.

YANBU and I would have told her she needs to concentrate on raising a nice child.

YANBU at all - if some kid kicked my dog and then threw something at it I would probably have ripped the head of the bear myself!!