To write a 'wake up' letter to my obese sister

[SisterSister123]

Name changed for extra privacy as this is a delicate subject.

Basically my older sister (early twenties) is morbidly obese. I think the cause was a cycle of being a chubby kid, teasing at school, comfort eating, being a chubbier kid etc... My mum often found evidence a serious secret binges. Tried to support various ways but ultimately she was the only person who could stop.

She is currently living with our parents. Whilst they were away for the weekend they asked me to go in and walk the dog/feed the cat as sister works at weekends.

I'm not sure if she knew I was due to be coming around as the kitchen was full to bursting with junk food. I'm talking pizza boxes, Chinese wrappers, chocolates, ready meals, cake, muffins, cheesecake, crisps, cream, ice cream, muffins...my mum doesn't buy things like this as she is conscious to support my sister (currently dieting). My parents were away for 3days and so she was obviously planning to eat all of this before their return.

I was devestated to see all that. I am terrified that she will get ill (diabetes cancer and heart disease are all in our family). Basically she is eating herself to death and I feel that nothing we can do will help. Any conversations over the years have been met with defensiveness and basically ignored.

It's not just her health, her confidence and therefore social life has also massively suffered. She is often miserable and nasty (I'm sure as a defence) Which is so sad to see.

I wanted to write her a letter, something she could read and digest in private. Tell her how scared I am and that she needs to change for her health. I wrote it out but in the end was too scared to leave it as I didn't want to upset her. Now I feel like a coward.

As a family we have tried various things before. Asked her to come along with me to slimming world when I was trying to loose my baby weight etc. She came but didn't change any habits so her weight stayed the same.

I'm very much aware that she is an adult and it's her choice to eat what she likes. But likewise she is my sister and I love her and I want her to be healthy and happy. Should I have sent the wake up letter? Or am I getting involved in something that doesn't concern me?

This.
Is.
Five.
Years.
Old.

She has an eating disorder and you sending her a letter will make it worse. Please don't do it.

Pointless. As others have said. Have you been to therapy yourself, could be a good way to bring it up. I think ''go and have therapy'' is a bit shocking but if you've had therapy yourself then you can tell others how it benefitted you and that way it seems less like ''YOU are flawed and Im not''.

You sound lovely.

If you and your parents want to help, pay for intense counselling. Sorry but she needs professionals.

People really don’t read threads…

I think if it helps you, write the letter and get all your feelings out on paper, but do not send it to her. This is all about your feelings rather than something that will actually help your sister. What will help is being kind, loving and taking every opportunity to boost her self-esteem and confidence. You don't lose weight when you feel shit about yourself. The will to make changes and get help has to come from her. Then you can help by accompanying her going for a walk or doing other exercise together perhaps.

Please don't send that letter. She needs support with her mental health not a ridicule letter to read in private from someone whose supposed to be her safety net!

@RomanticWalksToTheFridge

Also - I am obese, I know it. What makes me furious is when I catch my mother or father looking at me sideways, ...... my mother taking a peak at the labels in my clothes to check my clothing size....... suggestions that 'perhaps we should skip the planned sunday lunch and just have a sandwich' etc.

It makes me think that my value to them is in how I look rather than who I am.

My mother does that too. I cut out all labels before she visits and it has very badly impacted my relationship with her. She also makes comments about how glad she is the Dcs take after their dad (who is very slim). if she wrote a letter to me out of 'love' it would damage my relationship most likely irreparably.

I'm sure she knows she's obese.
Do not send her a letter.
You have to leave her to it and hope she will make the necessary changes herself eventually.

This happened in 2016.
This happened in 2016.
This happened in 2016.
This happened in 2016.
This happened in 2016.

Hello all. We're going to close this thread now as it was started in 2016.