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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my sister is tight?

369 replies

BatsHitKrazee · 09/10/2016 08:37

I have two sisters - we are all close in age.

My younger sister is 29 , I'm 30 and my older sister is 33.

My younger sister and I live at home with our parents whereas my older sister has a family of her own with her husband .

At Christmas , myself and my younger sister buy our two nieces Christmas presents costing around £15-£20.

My parents (their grandparents) also spend around £20 each on them but they don't buy for my older sister or her husband.

My older sister refuses to buy for us two other sisters even though we buy her children !

Instead , she buys a "family" present like a hamper or something for around £30-£40 for us and my parents to share.

My mum has tried asking my older sister to give us an actual present or some money but older sister ignores her and buys a family gift.

WIBU to give older sister plenty of notice and ask her nicely if she could get me and my sister something specific this year?

Or should we cut back on what we spend on our nieces?

I feel it's unfair that she isn't buying us a gift but we are buying for her children !

OP posts:

QueenLizIII · 10/10/2016 00:32

Bumsex can I have you as a sister?!

My sister absolutely spoils my kids and I always try and get her a really nice gift because she is single with no kids and we only have her to buy for whereas she gets tons for the kids and always a little something for me and dh as well.

I spoil my sisters kids too as I am single and childless and she just expects it. I get fuck all despite her being well off with DH. In fact when she invites me there she leaves me with the bill for the food and activities she wants to do. She just expects me to pay it all.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 10/10/2016 00:54

My BiL is long term single and lives alone and, though he has loads of mates, doesn't get presents off them, just something crappy from FiL. He buy us and our kids lovely gifts so we try and reciprocate so that he has a little pile of stuff to open like the rest of us (always comes to us for Christmas).

ovenchips · 10/10/2016 01:06

OP I think you've handled the discussion with your mum about it well. Hope that is it, and an end to it for you all now.

Though of course you are still entitled to mutter darkly about it all in the privacy of your own house.

LucyBabs · 10/10/2016 01:11

Hold on op they buy presents for your dc but not you?
You buy for them and they buy for your dc
Have I got that wrong?

reallyamazeballs · 10/10/2016 01:48

I really don't get the principle that you have to receive back exactly what you spend for Christmas presents. Op your family seem to operate a totting up process which is distasteful in my view and against the spirit of the thing. I was late having my kids, so gave many years of presents to other people's children. Never occurred to me that their parents had to give me bigger presents to make up for it . Actually enjoyed the process of buying children's presents and seeing them open them before I could enjoy doing that with my own children.

I'd be tempted to buy a cheaper hamper though, and just give the sisters £10 vouchers. Upset for you though that no one seems to think you deserve a present.

And I'd love a hamper!

wibblewobble8 · 10/10/2016 01:49

Why are you insisting on giving them a crappy hamper (in their opinion) when you know its not wanted? That makes you sound petty as fuck. Just give them a tenner each which they might actually appreciate. Or are you worried that they will see how (relatively) little you are spending on them compared to what they spend on your dc?

LucyBabs · 10/10/2016 01:52

wibble the hamper costs 40 euro which is given to four people so that's 10 euro each!

oops sorry pounds not euros!

QueenLizIII · 10/10/2016 02:06

There does seem to be a totting up which is distasteful for Christmas. You dont have to give like for like, maybe amongst adults, but not where children are concerned.

I get a bit more shitty about it with my family as they generally expect me to pay for most things and this is constant. I actually made a thread about it and to my surprise everyone said YANBU .

Whether I see them or they see me, they place orders for food and I get the bill. In their home as a guest, they said I fancy take away pizza and I was given a leaflet and told to buy it....they do the same when they come to mine. I get the bill no matter what. So I'm more shitty at Christmas as it's yet more stuff they want.

But in the OPs case they seem to tot up who gave what which is a bit calculating.

groovergirl · 10/10/2016 02:35

Christmas gifts when you are 18+ = CLUTTER.

The lovely thing about hampers is that you can sample some lovely posh food and then, when all is eaten, there is no clutter. (Please donate the basket to your local fete for THEIR hamper, to be won in a raffle by someone who really wants it.)

wibblewobble8 · 10/10/2016 02:35

You dont have to give like for like, maybe amongst adults, but not where children are concerned.

I think this attitude is probably the root of the problem. Maybe the sisters do resent the fact that they spent more on the ops children than what the op gives back. Why do childless people get such a shit exchange? So what if they are living at home. despite living at home maybe they are on low pay whereas the op and the husband could have good double incomes?

Op why dont you suggest to your sisters that they limit their gifts for your children to £10 each, and then they get £10 gift from you in return. Surely everyone is happy then? If they want to spend more on your dc then that is their choice and you can be grateful that your dc have such caring aunts.

Bogeyface · 10/10/2016 02:37

I have RTFT.

I am on the fence.

I have 6 children and my sister is childless, not by choice. She spends a lot on my children for Xmas, not individually but when you add it up she doesnt get much change out of £100. I cant afford to spend that much on her, but I do make extra effort for her gift because it bothers me that she spends so much on my kids and she doesnt get that back for herself. I know its not about the cash and she would never not buy for them or want me to bankrupt myself to spend on her, but I do feel bad about the inequality. This is why what I get her might not cost loads but I do go the extra mile to find something different and unusual that I know she will love.
Your kids get, what? About £100 worth of gifts between them? Why not tell your sisters to get them a £5 book token each or something like that for a token amount, then you can spend the same? I have to say that what you are spending versus what you are receiving does seem to be a bit tight.

wibblewobble8 · 10/10/2016 02:39

Christmas gifts when you are 18+ = CLUTTER.

Pahahahaha thats ridiculous. So by your logic, no one over the age of 18 should get any xmas presents unless in the form of food? And since the op's sisters asked for cash i seriously doubt they hate that extra tenner cluttering up their purses

Bogeyface · 10/10/2016 02:41

I love getting Xmas gifts! They are not clutter to me at all. How joyless life must be to think like that about something that someone has spent time and money on buying for you.

CrikeyPeg · 10/10/2016 02:42

Ohdearducks

notangelinajolie · 10/10/2016 02:43

Stopped reading after page 2. Did anyone mention Christmas being about children. I think 30 counts you out. Grow up.

QueenLizIII · 10/10/2016 02:45

notangelinajolie as you stopped reading you didnt find out it was a reverse.....oops.

wibblewobble8 · 10/10/2016 02:49

Christmas isnt just about children. Thats pretty fucking heartless for anyone who doesn't have children for a start. Plus its not true. Xmas is for everyone :D

RufusTheSpartacusReindeer · 10/10/2016 07:49

wibble

Christmas gifts when you are 18+ = CLUTTER.

There is nothing wrong with thinking that adults should get food gifts or nothing

As long as they are not buying presents for you

reallyamazeballs · 10/10/2016 08:31

This thread seems to prove that one person's nightmare scenario is another person's dream. Christmas certainly feels like a minefield and it's a shame when presents are part of that.

I'm in the hating clutter camp but it doesn't make Christmas joyless for me. I still enjoy nights out with friends, spending time with family members, going for long walks, eating yummy food. Shopping starting in October for days on end isn't part of all that on my side. Although as I said earlier, buying for children is completely different.

In the OP's case, I wouldn't keep buying something someone actively said they didn't like though. If someone says what they want I'm thrilled because it's quite hard to imagine what someone might want if it's something I'd absolutely hate. I spend more on one sister, for instance, because she loves getting presents but I have to check with her what she'd like. The other one is more like me and I'd rather treat her to going out because that's what she prefers. But if one of them had said to me when the kids were younger that they weren't buying me a present but they expected one from me because they were buying for my children I'd have been a bit to be honest.

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