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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my sister is tight?

369 replies

BatsHitKrazee · 09/10/2016 08:37

I have two sisters - we are all close in age.

My younger sister is 29 , I'm 30 and my older sister is 33.

My younger sister and I live at home with our parents whereas my older sister has a family of her own with her husband .

At Christmas , myself and my younger sister buy our two nieces Christmas presents costing around £15-£20.

My parents (their grandparents) also spend around £20 each on them but they don't buy for my older sister or her husband.

My older sister refuses to buy for us two other sisters even though we buy her children !

Instead , she buys a "family" present like a hamper or something for around £30-£40 for us and my parents to share.

My mum has tried asking my older sister to give us an actual present or some money but older sister ignores her and buys a family gift.

WIBU to give older sister plenty of notice and ask her nicely if she could get me and my sister something specific this year?

Or should we cut back on what we spend on our nieces?

I feel it's unfair that she isn't buying us a gift but we are buying for her children !

OP posts:
Usernamegone · 09/10/2016 12:57

OP you can send me your hamper - I'm in my 30's and love hampers Smile

I'm seconding go to boots and get them all a 3 for 2 gift set - then job done as they obviously don't want a present with any thought in it.

Then, get the DC's to make them a picture (or something) as a gift which will be adorable (unless they are complete bitches).

Then, moan to your DM all year about how you didn't get a present from them but you and the DCs got them a present (just to show how petty they are - you should do this but I'm sure you won't as you are too polite)

HeyNannyNanny · 09/10/2016 12:57

I quite like reverses. Mixes things up.

I can't believe that anyone thinks its reasonable to live with their parents at 30 without a really solid reason.

Yes, life is expensive but how many people actually want their children living with them much past 18?!

GeekyWombat · 09/10/2016 12:59

Boots 3 for 2 gifts are your friend. A tenner each if that's what they must and then just don't bother.

I'm sorry you don't get anything though. It's a bit rubbish feeling like once you've had kids you cease to exist as your own person. Even a nice box of chocs would be a good thing - maybe suggest THAT to your mum ;) (Good luck with the chat btw)

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/10/2016 13:01

Let us know how you get on and don't get bullied.

TaterTots · 09/10/2016 13:03

I think you would have got more sympathy had you been honest instead of this stupid 'reverse'.

I don't think it's unreasonable for them to buy for the children but not for you. I do this with my sister (at her suggestion), as otherwise I'd be buying for three people versus her buying for just me. However, I do tend to get her and her husband and bottle and some chocolates; otherwise I feel like I'm ignoring them.

What I DO think is unreasonable is them, or your mother, trying to dictate what you buy or how much you spend. It seems a bit 'entitled' (although I hate that word) and is definitely rude. That said, now you know they don't appreciate the hamper, it just seems belligerent to keep on buying it. Get them some wine or something instead.

leaveittothediva · 09/10/2016 13:06

Well aren't you both a pair of tightwads. I'm surprised your sister buys you anything. Your parents are enabling you both, living at home at your age. You all sound a bit stingy with presents for kids, to be honest. Getting your mum to ask your sister, how absolutely pathetic. A reality check is what you two need and soon. London is too expensive, boo hoo.

QueenLizIII · 09/10/2016 13:09

You sound as babyish as your sisters with a reverse thread.

Just stop buying each other anything.

OnceThereWasThisGirlWho · 09/10/2016 13:12

Bloody hell. Do people really not understand that some people can't afford to move out at that age? I'm from London, I'd love to live near my family and I can't unless I move in with them.

People have no clue.

QueenLizIII · 09/10/2016 13:13

Yes, life is expensive but how many people actually want their children living with them much past 18?!

You'd be surprised. I had to deal with my mother whinging when i went back to uni after the holidays, what am I going to do losing you again....

She wanted me around as emotional support to deal with all her shit.

expatinscotland · 09/10/2016 13:14

This reply has been deleted

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MooseAndSquirrel · 09/10/2016 13:14

I don't get why you should buy for them specifically, when they don't buy for you.
they may buy for their nieces' but it seems they haven't grasped that those children are their family, its not about buying for just your kids.
That set up happens with friends - childless friend buys for my kids so I get them a gift, but mark it from my girls.
They buy presents for their family, minus you but are now moaning that you don't buy them enough?!
I buy for my nephew because he's MY family, has no bearing if presents are exchanged between adults or not.

MooseAndSquirrel · 09/10/2016 13:15

Also...id love a hamper.

QueenLizIII · 09/10/2016 13:19

Bloody hell. Do people really not understand that some people can't afford to move out at that age?

That is so so true. It is absolutely crazy down here.

The cheapest one bed flat where I live is over £300k.

The cheapest one bed flat to rent per month is over £1000k a month exclusing bills.

Do you seriously expect people in their 20s and early 30s to have that kind of money?

You need an income of about £80 in London to buy property

QueenLizIII · 09/10/2016 13:20

Income of £80k to buy property.

maddiemookins16mum · 09/10/2016 13:21

I don't think it's a reverse actually. YABU, but I certainly won't be as nasty as some people on this thread about it. The reality is the two living at home probably have far more "spare money" than the one living with DH and kids.
As to still living at home at 30, that's a whole other thread really.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 09/10/2016 13:21

I have to say, if your mother insists on bringing it up, I'd go with "fine - I won't give the family a hamper this year. I'll give each sister half the cash cost in a card, from the kids, and that will be it".

See, if you make the gift from your children, then it is proper quid pro quo - they get presents, they give presents in return. Job done. And your parents miss out, just as you have been doing all this time. Then of course, as your DC get older and stop receiving presents, -they you can stop giving too.

Chippednailvarnishing · 09/10/2016 13:23

Love hampers. I often visit my local supermarket on boxing day and pick up all the reduced price hampers, because no bastard has been generous enough to buy me one. Sob.

QueenLizIII · 09/10/2016 13:26

Issues aside, ages aside, living at home aside.....jesus starting this in October over Christmas presents.

The nieces probably have plenty of plastic tat and clothes and books and dont really need presents.

Adults dont need presents.

It's just so unnecessary.

Shouldhavedoneitsooner · 09/10/2016 13:28

It's interesting how we all see this scenario from different perspectives. Whilst I agree that the sisters are being childish by begrudging the gifts they are giving to their own nieces and nephews, I think that they are likely to have a slightly different idea of christmas is about.

Posters here are all jumping in to say that Christmas is 'all about children anyway'. However, that is the case when you have decided to become a parent. If you ask a single person what Xmas is about they are likely to say 'family' and as such that makes a different perspective. If you imagine this from your sisters' paint of view (which by doing a reverse you have not allowed people to give you), they are potentially receiving one gift for themselves on the day from their parents. You, I assume on the other hand will have received at least three - from your partner, kids and parents. That must feel a little painful. A small gift that they would like such as a pair of earrings or a handmade gift from your children would go a long way to making the feel included in a 'family' not just a 'child's' celebration.

One of the previous posters asked 'Why when you become a parent do you cease to matter?' I would state that 'Why when your family increases to include children do single people cease to matter?'

Original poster
BatsHitKrazee · 09/10/2016 13:45

expatinscotland I apologised twice for the reverse . I also said I wasn't aware it wasn't ok .

Frankly your post is just downright nasty . Calling me a dickhead for starting a type of thread some people don't like?

If that makes me a dickhead then your post makes you something a whole lot worse !

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 09/10/2016 13:46

Maddie you think the OP is lying when she said it's a reverse? This is all getting a bit meta for me.

Tanith · 09/10/2016 13:49

"Hampers are shit. Who the fuck wants jam, coffee and biscuits as a gift? "

I do, I do Grin! I love getting them and trying to work out how to use it all.
One of my minded families does a gorgeous one, full of cooking ingredients, and the child decorates the box. Really thoughtful and considerate - I love receiving it!

Original poster
BatsHitKrazee · 09/10/2016 13:53

Update

We've had lunch . The Christmas issue was brought up .

Mum says that sisters don't really appreciate the hamper but they (parents) do .

Mum suggested I could do a smaller hamper and maybe give my sisters some money or vouchers.

I listened and said fine but I won't be spending more to accommodate it , it will be a token amount - then I asked her to pass the roast potatoes Grin

Mum looked like she was chewing a wasp but she knows there's nothing she can do about it as I think she knows she is being a bit rude !

OP posts:
QueenLizIII · 09/10/2016 13:53

Why when your family increases to include children do single people cease to matter?'

This is true and I can actually see the other sisters points.

I have 2 nieces and a couple of god children and lots of my friends have had babies.

It is never ending. Baby showers, gifts at birth, christening presents, 1st birthdays, 1st christmases, easters as godparents should honour a religious occasion......

Do their parents for the most part even send me a birthday card. Nope. It does get a bit much.

cheekyfunkymonkey · 09/10/2016 13:56

YABU. She has kids, she may well be skint and family pressie is a compromise. If she doesn't buy you one for yourself then don't get her a specific pressie back (if you want to be petty about it) but don't take it out on the kids. You are their aunt ffs. Aren't gifts supposed to be about giving anyway?

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