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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my sister is tight?

369 replies

BatsHitKrazee · 09/10/2016 08:37

I have two sisters - we are all close in age.

My younger sister is 29 , I'm 30 and my older sister is 33.

My younger sister and I live at home with our parents whereas my older sister has a family of her own with her husband .

At Christmas , myself and my younger sister buy our two nieces Christmas presents costing around £15-£20.

My parents (their grandparents) also spend around £20 each on them but they don't buy for my older sister or her husband.

My older sister refuses to buy for us two other sisters even though we buy her children !

Instead , she buys a "family" present like a hamper or something for around £30-£40 for us and my parents to share.

My mum has tried asking my older sister to give us an actual present or some money but older sister ignores her and buys a family gift.

WIBU to give older sister plenty of notice and ask her nicely if she could get me and my sister something specific this year?

Or should we cut back on what we spend on our nieces?

I feel it's unfair that she isn't buying us a gift but we are buying for her children !

OP posts:

Oysterbabe · 09/10/2016 11:34

I can't believe I wasted time reading 4 pages of a fucking stupid reverse thread. They should be deleted.

Soozikinzi · 09/10/2016 11:36

Our family we only buy for children once the sibling has had children it's much easier when you have children you will understand .otherwise it gets ridiculous running round trying to buy for kids and adults . I think your sister is being perfectly reasonable .

loobyloo1234 · 09/10/2016 11:38

I can't answer for everyone but I hate reverse threads because I really don't see the point of it. Just post as yourself... as the person telling the story. Not how you think the other person would type it up! As in how does the OP know this is what her sister would say? She's just guessing

EvansAndThePrince · 09/10/2016 11:41

First poster has it spot on. You're very similar aged but she has a family to provide for, you don't. Ffs grow up, you get your sisters kids presents and resent it because you don't get a personal present back?! You're lucky to get a shared hamper for that price, I wouldn't be bothering, what with your shitty attitude!

user1472419718 · 09/10/2016 11:45

Have just had another thought now I know that it is reversed.

Do your younger sisters see you as the wealthier successful older sibling? Does your family appear financially successful (nice holidays, owning property etc). Just wondering if it's a bit of sibling jealousy that you appear to have more than them, and they feel entitled?

EvansAndThePrince · 09/10/2016 11:46

Oh it's a reverse! The rest of the three didn't load until after I posted, sorry!

OP give the sisters a fiver each in a gift card, wouldn't bother with your parents at all TBH, none of them get ANYTHING for you? Sound like my in laws, all need to grow up a bit and realise life isn't about just them.

Oldraver · 09/10/2016 11:57

I think anyone demanding a present is fucking rude and your Mum should not be going along with this. She should of told your sisters to STFU.

So, I would go with £10 in a card each

Aeroflotgirl · 09/10/2016 11:59

You are being unreasonable, that sounds absolutely fine, you are both adults, not kids! A hamper would be lovely, mabey she is struggling for cash, supporting her home and kids.

Aeroflotgirl · 09/10/2016 12:02

Oh right, its a reverse. Your sisters sound like spoilt brats who need to live in the real world, and not let mummy and daddy do their dirty work for them. A hamper is lovely, I would not expect that either, just a card or simply Happy Christmas. You give from your heart, not because you want a gift in return, totally misses the point.

Aeroflotgirl · 09/10/2016 12:03

Get them a cheap bottle of wine and a box of chocs each, or slip £10 gift voucher in each card. They are adults, not kids.

Memoires · 09/10/2016 12:05

Grow up.

You don't give anything at all to your older sister. The hamper should really be for your parents and you and little sis are muscling in on their present.

Of course you buy your nieces and nephews Xmas presents, and you should be giving them bloody good ones too.

You are so juvenile, no wonder you still live with mum and dad.

Bumplovin · 09/10/2016 12:05

I would tell your mum if your sisters want equal presents as a child maybe their mummy and daddy should become Santa again and leave them a sack! Really? Are they serious? I spend about £50 on my nephew and my brother in law gets a pair of socks and my sister gets something for around a tenner. Neither of them would complain about getting less than a child. Tbh Id buy them nothing out of principle money is not what christmas is about.

Chewbecca · 09/10/2016 12:09

Reverses are hated (by me anyway) as you don't actually get the perspective of the other person so obviously you side with the OP.

OP - I think I get that hamper is probably not the best choice of gift. I don't think many 30ish year olds actually want jam/biscuits etc. It doesn't show a lot of thought or effort to the individuals. Of course they should still be polite and grateful but you could make more of an effort.

Why not spend £10 on each of them, something thoughtful that they might like, piece of make up, cheap jewellery, book, voucher, bottle of their favourite something. Select something personal to each person, you don't need to spend any more than you did on the hamper.

Memoires · 09/10/2016 12:10

Oh sorry, didn't RTFT. That diatribe was to your silly sisters.

You either ignore their childish resentment, or you talk to your mum or you talk to your sisters.

"Xmas this year? I know you two would rather have personal presents from me, as I would from you of course.... How about we each give a goat to charity and if any of you would like to give the children actual presents that would be lovely."

JustSpeakSense · 09/10/2016 12:12

Sorry if I'm repeating what someone else has said, I haven't read every response.

Why don't you get your kids to make something special for each auntie, a personalised creative gift that they certainly can't turn their nose up at. That doesn't cost very much

NataliaOsipova · 09/10/2016 12:18

I'd tell your mum where to go. Your sisters are being absolutely ridiculous. If they resent the money they spend on your DDs, then they shouldn't do it. Tell them not to. If your mother demurs, the only other reasonable suggestion is that everyone buys your DDs a £5 present and they (your DDs, obviously with you buying but the label saying "from DD1 and DD2") buy a £5 present to give to them. Your kids would probably enjoy that, would probably be happy with a selection box or a sparkly hairband or whatever - and nobody is out of pocket.

Why is Christmas just for kids, someone asked up thread. It isn't - but adults spending time and having a hassle to buy random stuff for other adults which they probably don't want anyway seems ridiculous. For me, at least, Christmas is about some nice relaxed time and a few drinks with family and friends. The presents thing is an annoying irrelevance. (IMO, anyway!)

Tanith · 09/10/2016 12:18

Or get them each a copy of Noddy in Toyland and a Christmas selection box

Better check it really is them whinging first, though!

BabyGanoush · 09/10/2016 12:21

The problem with a reverse, OP, is that you basically start out with saying: " I don't trust you lot"

That's the bit that gets people's hackles raised

WeAllHaveWings · 09/10/2016 12:22

If resentment is festering, there is nothing wrong with sitting down and discussing/agreeing the present giving in your family.

Buying a hamper for your mum/dad is lovely but giving it as a shared present for your sisters is probably causing the confusion as they think they are getting a present that they don't want and prefer something different. Who wants a jar of jam to share with their mum and dad?

Have a chat without your mum and agree as sisters if you are going to buy presents exchange cash for each other or not. The children's presents are separate as they are for your children not you.

ParForTheCourses · 09/10/2016 12:38

I think your way is fine op and they are pretty grabby.

However you could always get the 3 for 2 boots gift boxes and stay I'm your budget. They get a gift each (sisters and one parent) and your buy something using the rest of your usual budget for the other. I wonder if they'd then moan it's not enough?

moomoo222 · 09/10/2016 12:40

Oh bloody hell reverses are exhausting to read and OP, even if you are in the right become incredibly confusing and the replies then get mind-blowingly confusing as a mixture of have and haven't RTFTers get more confused. You kind of lose the sympathy of everyone reading.

Also if this is all you have to worry about (or even if it is near the top of the list) then I applaud you! Spoilt brat Peter Pan sisters aside you probably need to take a deep breath and think 'whatever', then move on, they sound like jealous childish twats, you are the lucky one - just be happy!

chanie44 · 09/10/2016 12:41

Childless family members often pull the short straw when it comes to presents. My SIL has no children (yet) but has 5 nieces and nephews to buy for (birthdays and Xmas). I think your sisters are in the wrong, but we don't know their perspective. For example, maybe it's more about getting a gift from their nieces rather than the gift itself.

Personally, I wouldn't be interested in a shared hamper. I like jam and I like biscuits, but I could buy that with my weekly shop (I'd still be grateful if I got one though)

I think a tenner in a card each is probably the best option.

RebelRogue · 09/10/2016 12:48

When you talk to your mum just tell her "you know what mum? You're right! Since you guys seem to do gifts for the kids only, I won't do the hamper this year and instead get just the girls something with the money. As mothers we both know how delighted kids get on xmas morning wink wink "

user1471544305 · 09/10/2016 12:51

Christmas is about children not adults. General once you reach the age of 18 siblings don't buy for each other anymore.

Didijustgetwinkpointshitcanned · 09/10/2016 12:55

I love a good reverse it's the nasty pile on comments aimed at the "OP" followed by the I HATE REVERSE embarrassment posts straight afterwards that make it for me

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