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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my sister is tight?

369 replies

BatsHitKrazee · 09/10/2016 08:37

I have two sisters - we are all close in age.

My younger sister is 29 , I'm 30 and my older sister is 33.

My younger sister and I live at home with our parents whereas my older sister has a family of her own with her husband .

At Christmas , myself and my younger sister buy our two nieces Christmas presents costing around £15-£20.

My parents (their grandparents) also spend around £20 each on them but they don't buy for my older sister or her husband.

My older sister refuses to buy for us two other sisters even though we buy her children !

Instead , she buys a "family" present like a hamper or something for around £30-£40 for us and my parents to share.

My mum has tried asking my older sister to give us an actual present or some money but older sister ignores her and buys a family gift.

WIBU to give older sister plenty of notice and ask her nicely if she could get me and my sister something specific this year?

Or should we cut back on what we spend on our nieces?

I feel it's unfair that she isn't buying us a gift but we are buying for her children !

OP posts:
HeyNannyNanny · 09/10/2016 13:57

Bloody hell. Do people really not understand that some people can't afford to move out at that age?

How many people move out into bought property? Most people rent to begin with. This idea that people "have" to buy is ridiculous - its a goal to work towards.

I live in Central London, one of the very expensive bits to be close to work. Its completely possible.

Totally derailing though... mumbles off somewhere else.

Cluesue · 09/10/2016 14:02

You're how old?

Chippednailvarnishing · 09/10/2016 14:03

Am I the only person who couldn't care less about what poxy gift I get? I buy for peoples kids because I want to and more importantly because I can. The only person I would be upset with for buying nothing is DH.

purplehaze24 · 09/10/2016 14:07

Are you a child ?? You sound like one !! FFS buy for the kids because you want to not so you can receive a gift of equal monetary value back. Grow up, move out then see how much money you have.

tired17 · 09/10/2016 14:08

When my children were younger I used to love getting them to make lovely home made xmas decorations covered in glitter! My (childless ) sister used to refuse to open them without having a newspaper on her laptop to catch the glitter (after the first couple of times when she got covered). Nonetheless she always put a brave face on and thanked them profusely. Sadly they're too old to do that now. Could homemade by your children be an option!

QueenLizIII · 09/10/2016 14:23

How many people move out into bought property? Most people rent to begin with. This idea that people "have" to buy is ridiculous - its a goal to work towards.

I live in Central London, one of the very expensive bits to be close to work. Its completely possible.

Can you tell me HeyNannyNanny how living in central London and paying private rents there, anyone could afford to pay the private rents on ONE salary and also save or a deposit?

You generally cant do both. London rents are so high that you wont be able to afford to rent in central London even a one bed flat and be able to save any decent amount of money for a deposit.

Unless of course you house share. But house sharing in your 30s with strangers can often be worse than living with family.

QueenLizIII · 09/10/2016 14:24

Purplehaze24 read the fucking thread it was a reverse

Planty18 · 09/10/2016 14:25

Well done for making it clear op, were your sisters there? Frankly it's nothing to do with your mum what you give your sisters. If your parents give you nothing and nor do your sisters i genuinely would get the kids to choose them something then the gifts are reciprocal gifts and no one can complain.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/10/2016 14:32

TBH I would stop all the gifts including the hamper. Just make token gifts. I can't remember how old your dcs are. Dd last year made little fridge magnets for the teachers at the end of term, jam jar snow globes at Christmas. I know you've said differently to your mother but she's not your boss. I just cannot get my head around adults expecting presents from adults, complaining that they want a difficult gift and not reciprocating the gesture. You really do look like a mug Outsider looking in. As I said upthread, I did this two years on the trot with brother and sil. There wasn't a third.

ShowOfHands · 09/10/2016 14:38

Oh I LOVE a hamper. They make me giddy with joy.

I'm ignoring the rest of the brouhaha btw.

SarcasmMode · 09/10/2016 14:41

Um they are children and you are fully grown adults - which one is going to be more crushed at not getting presents probably you, by the sound of things.maybe she is being stingy or maybe she's being practical - either way you'd cut down on your nieces because you won't be given a present?

You're a spoiler brat by the sounds of things.

The nieces sound more mature than you.

DotForShort · 09/10/2016 14:41

Reverse threads are so flipping annoying. But obviously YANBU and it sounds as though you addressed the situation directly and clearly. It really isn't your mother's business but since she brought it up, I think you handled it well.

Your sisters should grow up and move out. I can't imagine wanting to live with Mum and Dad at the age of 30 (barring unusual circumstances, among which the high rents in London would not qualify).

pugsake · 09/10/2016 14:44

I'm in the same boat as you brothers and sisters get token gifts. Kids get presents.

SarcasmMode · 09/10/2016 14:45

Oops My phones playing up only saw first 20 or so posts seen its a reverse.

Grabby itches.com!

loobyloo1234 · 09/10/2016 14:46

I wish people would READ THE fucking THREAD... Confused

It is a REVERSE THREAD ... please stop posting to the 'sister' - the OP is the 33 year old older sister with the children aaargghhhh wanders off to enjoy Sunday dinner

QueenLizIII · 09/10/2016 14:47

hehe

To be fair the OP shouldnt have done a reverse thread. hence people not reading 12 pages to find that out

TaterTots · 09/10/2016 14:48

I wish people would read the whole thread too, but it could all have been avoided had the OP not being playing silly buggers.

FleurThomas · 09/10/2016 14:48

I sympathise OP. It's hard when you don't have kids, but are expected to buy presents for all the other 'kids' in the family & then be expected to just accept it when the parents of these 'kids' can't even be bothered to send you a card.

milkshakeandmonstermunch · 09/10/2016 14:50

Oh bog off with your reverse threads!

Fwiw my sister and I don't buy for one another. I buy for her kids and she buys for mine. My younger brother buys something for all the kids - 4 in total - but has none himself so I buy him something from my lot.

QueenLizIII · 09/10/2016 14:54

I also think the sisters and the GPs are being more than generous.

What I cant work out though is whether or not the £20 on the children in each child or all together at £10 for each child.

If the sisters are spending £20 each on the children and the GPs are spending £20 each on the children then that is £80. That's a lot of money.

However if it is actually £20 per person per child at Christmas (and the OP isnt clear) then that is £160.

Even £80 is alot of money spent on presents for 2 children. If this is tight fisted: do you think they should spend £200 or £500 on the children?

I dont get it. £80 is a more than reasonable sum for childrens presents Confused

thinkingthingsover · 09/10/2016 14:54

You don't sound as though you like each other very much, so perhaps you should just stop giving presents altogether.

But I think you are being a bit unfair. I agree with PPs, when you're childless and single you have to buy lots more presents than you receive and it can make you feel a bit sad, and a bit skint. In my family we buy presents for each other - adult siblings, parents, my DN. I think my DSis and her DH are conscious that I buy presents for each of them and their daughter, and they usually give me an extra-generous present, or several presents (I love it when one comes direct from my little DN). I think that's nice and I feel appreciated as a sister and an aunt. Your sisters are being lumped in with their parents as a unit.

At the moment you're spending c.£10 on each sister, without giving them anything personally, while they are giving your children gifts costing (your estimate) £15-20. If that is from each sister, and/or to each child, it seems that the 'transaction' is unequal. Especially if they are good aunts and help to entertain your children. Presents shouldn't be transactions, of course, but in reality fairness is always a good idea if you want family harmony.

I hate reverse threads too.

QueenLizIII · 09/10/2016 14:55

Or maybe the OP thinks they should be buying each of her daughters an £80 present each.

SarcasmMode · 09/10/2016 14:59

I couldn't care less if it's a reverse.

Engage your brains people ?

Don't believe it? Move on or report it like you would a troll.i think reverses are a great social experiment, actually.

Well done op. If they get you nothing I see no reason why you should get them something as surely that's their argument in the first place?

Your Mum sounds like a nasty cow but prrhaps it's only in relation to your sisters.

QueenLizIII · 09/10/2016 15:11

The OP sounds equally preoccupied with how much is spent on her kids.

They are hers. She wanted them. It isn't for her to pick apart how much is spent on them by other relatives.

ToxicLadybird · 09/10/2016 15:15

OP, I couldn't be doing with these kind of immature shenanigans. They don't like getting a hamper and want individual gifts. Fine. A Cadbury's selection box each it is then. Job done.