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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my sister is tight?

369 replies

BatsHitKrazee · 09/10/2016 08:37

I have two sisters - we are all close in age.

My younger sister is 29 , I'm 30 and my older sister is 33.

My younger sister and I live at home with our parents whereas my older sister has a family of her own with her husband .

At Christmas , myself and my younger sister buy our two nieces Christmas presents costing around £15-£20.

My parents (their grandparents) also spend around £20 each on them but they don't buy for my older sister or her husband.

My older sister refuses to buy for us two other sisters even though we buy her children !

Instead , she buys a "family" present like a hamper or something for around £30-£40 for us and my parents to share.

My mum has tried asking my older sister to give us an actual present or some money but older sister ignores her and buys a family gift.

WIBU to give older sister plenty of notice and ask her nicely if she could get me and my sister something specific this year?

Or should we cut back on what we spend on our nieces?

I feel it's unfair that she isn't buying us a gift but we are buying for her children !

OP posts:
Original poster
BatsHitKrazee · 09/10/2016 15:21

I'm not sure if I can actually apologise any more for the reverse thread - I have said repeatedly I didn't realise it was not ok . And apologised .

QueenLizz111 I gave the figures for context . I don't care how much they spend on my children .

Frankly , when it turns in to a transaction rather than a gift , I'd rather they didn't bother . However , by their own admission they can't not buy for the children.

OP posts:
buttbutt · 09/10/2016 15:30

I quite like a reverse. Or at least couldn't find the energy to get as wound up about it as some folk seem to Confused We buy for the children, but we also do a kind of family secret Santa. Everyone buys a £10 present and wraps it. There is then a 'game' where a name is drawn & they choose and open a present. The next name is drawn and they can either open a new present or 'steal' the opened one they like the look of. It continues until people are wrestling on the floor over bubble bath everyone has something they like.

TaterTots · 09/10/2016 15:33

I'm not sure if I can actually apologise any more for the reverse thread - I have said repeatedly I didn't realise it was not ok . And apologised.

Then don't - but don't expect people not to be annoyed and to make their comments in light of that.

Original poster
BatsHitKrazee · 09/10/2016 15:46

I don't expect people to not post their annoyance , but some of the comments are just uncalled for !

Calling me a dickhead for it ? Really is this what AIBU is like?

OP posts:
AmeliaLeopard · 09/10/2016 15:49

I actually don't think it matters about cost. I buy for my sisters because I like them. When I've been skint I bought them something smaller. If my sister got me a hamper to share with my parents I'd think she couldn't be arsed to think of something individually for me.

I'd never stop buying for her kids tho - I buy because it is a pleasure to see their smiley faces when they open a thoughtful gift. Much like why I buy for my sisters tbh.

QueenLizIII · 09/10/2016 15:59

I come from a family where orders get placed for presents because I earn more than my sister and my mum is retired.

I.may earn more than them but they dont factor in that I don't own a home and my sisters dh pays for everything for them so all her low earnings she pockets with no outgoings.

I got orders for coats and the specific colours they didnt want and what lengths would be acceptable. Dresses, jewelery, etc other years.

Every year Ive been given a load of crap. I get called ungrateful for being bought rubbish presents when year in year out they place their specific order with me and get it.

Last year I told them im not doing christmas apart from the kids and i got called a nasty bitch ruining it.

I fucking hate it. Buying presents for ungrateful people who dont need anything.

Threads like this in OCTOBER are a joke.

camena · 09/10/2016 16:03

I have nearly 30 presents to buy every December once birthdays are included as well as Christmas. As a result there is a £10-15 limit on everyone's presents. My godson and nieces get a bit more spent on them but not much.

I think it's perfectly reasonable to limit Christmas gifts to tokens, especially for adults. I don't know if this annoys anyone! If it does they're too polite to say Grin

Cherrysoup · 09/10/2016 16:04

Can we stop banging on about people shouldn't post reverse threads? Says who, where's the law on that? Do shut up, people can post what they like on here.

I think your sisters are grabby. I bet they don't pay anything like market value rent for living with your parents, which is fine and up to your parents to change whatever they want, but whinging about a gift is pathetic. My lot all buy for the kids and do tiny token gifts for the adults. It's a huge family.

Did they really say they want money to spend in the sales? Because I'd take that to mean £50 or so, which is unreasonable, IMO. Reduce the size of the hamper and give them £10 each. What do they earn compared to you?

Jellybean83 · 09/10/2016 16:06

YABU

You should be buy your nieces presents because they are your nieces and you love them, not to get something in return. DPs sister doesn't buy us or our DS anything for birthdays or Christmas, but every year we buy her 4 kids presents, the eldest has a baby of her own now and we buy for her as well.... Because they are family and we like to buy the little gifts, not because we want something in return. You don't sound like an adult.

MakeMyWineADouble · 09/10/2016 16:14

I'd give them a charity gift it's not the hamper they don't won't, but it's also not pandering to the grabbieness and entitlement shown. And at least some good comes of the present! Seriously though getting your mum to talk to you at 30 your sisters need to grow up!

QueenLizIII · 09/10/2016 16:15

I do think the sisters are silly. My family are like that in taking it as a slight if you dont get them anything.

They are grown adults.

I dont really want much and i can buy what i want myself.

I enjoy giving to the children as i like buying toys and little clothes.

TaterTots · 09/10/2016 16:16

Do shut up, people can post what they like on here.

I assume we'll never see another deleted thread then...

deste · 09/10/2016 16:23

Oh for gods sake, it's a reverse, she has apologised, can we just move on.

Astley · 09/10/2016 16:24

I really don't get the problem. Why is it so very hard to just get your sisters a £10 voucher or something?

I personally think hampers are a bit rubbish, your sisters clearly feel the same. If the point of a gift is to make the recipient happy, you're not doing that, almost out of spite now.

Just give them a voucher, move on with your life. I know they are siblings but you don't have to behave like a child forever, you know?

Cherrysoup · 09/10/2016 16:25

I assume we'll never see another deleted thread then...

I knew I should have listed excluded topics eg racism, disablist etc threads! My bad. I meant format, I don't see anything wrong with reverses. I'm tempted myself on occasion.

I think it's a bit mad on here sometimes and some posters seem to want to dictate stringent guidelines eg not allowing pp to call the DH anything but DH-there were several comments deriding a pp for calling him 'hubby' the other day, another pp called her DC 'kids' and was bollocked. I don't think it's on to tell people to only use certain 'mumsnet approved' terms or to bang on about 'un mumsnetty hugs'. It's unfortunate to keep putting down others who use 'non-approved' terms/formats.

SallyGardens · 09/10/2016 16:31

In our family, if you get a gift you're expected to reciprocate, your own parents excepted. So you shouldn't have to get gifts for you sisters but your kids should.

So give the kids a fiver each and set them loose in the nearest Poundland with instructions to buy one gift each for their aunts Grin.

Then spend the rest of the hamper money on getting something nice for your parents that your sisters can't appropriate.

Onlytimewilltell · 09/10/2016 16:35

OP if they have stopped buying for you when you had kids then you should stop buying for them and say you'll just do presents for their kids if and when they have them!!

maxington · 09/10/2016 16:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Soubriquet · 09/10/2016 16:39

No what's tragic is people not reading the full thread

HairyToity · 09/10/2016 16:44

Me and my siblings don't buy for each other. For years I was buying nephew gifts with nothing in return. Never considered it an issue as I enjoyed buying him gifts, and loved him. Now I have my own it evens it out, but was never an issue in first place.

Oysterbabe · 09/10/2016 16:57

Threads are regularly deleted because MN believe they are made up or they think the OP is being less than honest. Reverses should be the same IMO. They are made up. They are guessing about the other person's feelings and motivation about it and biased to make them sound really unreasonable.
I'm sure the sisters would have a very different take on things. Maybe they'd tell us that the hampers they'd received previously went to waste as they did not like the contents and they are concerned about the op wasting her money.

loobyloo1234 · 09/10/2016 16:58

No what's tragic is people not reading the full thread

This 100 times over

Try again maxington Confused

HoneyDragon · 09/10/2016 17:16

Reverse threads are deliberately misleading and against talk guidelines.

The poor maligned op didn't realise and apologised. So yes, she did break guidelines. Theoretically the thread moved on. In reality it didn't ....as not all folk think reading the whole thread necessary to comment their wisdom Grin

thinkingthingsover · 09/10/2016 17:24

I like SallyGardens's suggestion. Presents to your sisters, from and chosen by your DDs. Who wouldn't be happy with that?

I'd still try to keep costs roughly equivalent between gifts given and received; perceived fairness is important to lots of people.

SarcasmMode · 09/10/2016 17:26

Oyster every single thread is biased as its one sided. It'd be ridiculous to delete them too.

Honestly, some people on here think their opinion is the only opinion.

Don't like it? Why not just not engage instead of making nasty comments / telling people that something is wrong because they think so.

What does MNHQ think of reverses, does anyone know?