To ask why evening invitations to weddings are considered rude/ cold?

[LucyLot]

I am getting married at Christmas time. We can have 140 guests to the full day but both have large ish families and actually there are a lot of people we want to invite but can't afford to have at the full meal so we have had to go through the list and we have an additional 40 or so we are inviting to the evening do.

This number includes some cousins, work friends etc. We still really value these people we just had to draw the line somewhere. MIL seems to think offering an evening invitation is an insult. We are only giving people evening invitations of they live locally (in the same city).

Personally I don't see the problem- we will be inviting them to a party with a hot buffet, cake and some free champagne, what's wrong with that! We are not asking for gifts.

Would anyone here be offended to receive an evening invitation?

Just wanted to add something - I don't think it's always a gift grab when the wedding couple don't make an effort. In the case of the couple im talking about, it was a "looks better on instagram" thing. Lots of guests = popular people.

We found it difficult to find a large venue. We got one we liked with capacity for 100 in the day and 170 at night, but there was very little choice. We gave evening invitations out for colleagues and neighbours, so no disappointments to people who thought they were best buddies.

I'm generally happy to receive an evening invitation, although we did politely decline the one that was 150+ miles away that would have involved trying to sort overnight care for a young toddler (no local family). It was too impractical for a few hours of disco, but we weren't offended as it was a friendly friend of a friend rather than a close friend. It was nice to have been considered.

The evening shindig is the best part of the celebrations imo.
I would only be offended if it was a first degree relative/best friend who didn't invite me to the main event.
I wouldn't expect to go to the actual wedding/wedding breakfast of a work colleague/distant cousin. Nor would I really want to.
I'd love to turn up, get tipsy, eat vol au vents and dance though

I'd much rather be invited to the ceremony only, if such an invitation type existed. Get to see the dress in its fully glory, before it gets trodden on and champagne spilled and the veil removed but then get to bugger off in time to enjoy the evening on my own couch. I don't give a fart about the mass produced dinner or the ceilidh/disco (bleurghhhh)

It's not something I'd do myself but I wouldn't be offended to receive such an invitation. They're very easy to turn down. They're usually given to workmates etc. people you like and whose company you enjoy but aren't ultra close to.

We had a very small wedding (only 20 people; family and a small handful of bestest friends) then invited 100 for the evening. I sincerely hope they didn't all feel we were being rude!

For all those who say they wouldn't bother attending because it's too much hassle for just an evening - do you regularly refuse party invitations for the same reason?

I live s evening invite, my heart sinks if I'm invited to the day too. Hth, lol

I think with a wedding there's a feeling that when you arrive as an evening guest you've already missed half the fun.

I will never understand why people get offended or upset about wedding invitations. They are invitations, not command performances.

The person up thread who was totting up how much it cost...guess what, you can say "no thanks I can't make it". I really don't see why that's so difficult. Let's face it, in 6 months, most brides and grooms won't even remember (or care) who was there anyway.

I was once invited to the evening reception of a colleague. There was quite a big group of us from work and I was pleased to get an invite at all. It was local so no big expense involved. However, we all rocked up at the allotted time of 7.30 only to find that the wedding breakfast and speeches had massively overrun and us evening guests were not allowed in the marquee. We had to wait in the hugely expensive hotel bar until 9pm before we were allowed in. Slightly put a damper on the whole evening.

I think it's perfectly acceptable to invite evening guests but treat them with courtesy rather than an afterthought.

"It's rude imo"

No it isn't. Are you always so easily offended?

We have been invited to one evening only in the last ten years. We politely declined. Not because we were offended, but frankly, we couldn't be arsed.

I am not remotely offended by an evening invite. The evenings the fun bit. I just see an evening guest as someone the bride and groom are friendly with, but aren't family or close friends.

I had a tiny day reception (just 30) and then an evening do for 150. You may think me mean or thoughtless, but in actual fact I'd been dumped a few weeks before the wedding, and the thought of a big wedding second time around scared me. Luckily our friends were not snobs, and 98% accepted, lots travelling two or three hundred miles and staying over in hotels. We had a huge, wonderful hot and cold buffet, so hopefully they got more than a sausage!

I don't think it's rude at all, and makes sense if finances are limited. I tend not to accept evening invitations though - it's not that I am offended, I just hate bloody weddings.

Sorry, that didn't make sense, I was dumped before a wedding to my previous boyfriend a few years before...

I agree with squoosh. The vows and the speeches are the most interesting bit. But as an evening guest you don't get to see them. It's like being invited to half a do.

I don't find evening invites offensive
I do see them as acquaintance level and I dislike weddings, so I turn them down because I figure an acquaintance can't really complain
Only exception is if it's local but I always seem to get invited to weddings that aren't, def not worth travelling for an evening.

I have been to a few evening dos of work colleagues. I was delighted to be invited, and had had no expectations at all of being invited to the wedding itself.

Weddings are expensive and I don't understand theses "professionally insulted" folk who take offense at an evening invitation. They sound pretty miserable to me.

Compromise. One guest list for the whole kitten kaboodle is best. If you want them there, they do the whole thing.

I wouldn't travel to go just for an evening but am not offended. But there are pit falls. Most weddings seems to run late and I've been at several where the evening guests arrive at the time they were told to find speeches still
ongoing and guests still seated. They then hang around feeling awkward. Even if things are on time there's still that feeling of joining an established group but not quite belonging, especially if the evening is in same venue as the main reception so guests have a base and you don't. We were invited to one but couldn't go but apparently those who did had all that plus had to pay for drinks and were starving only to have to wait until 10pm for a bacon butty. I think as PP said, if doing it, look after them, assign someone to meet and greet and give them a welcome drink and make them feel wanted.

I hadn't heard of it being rude until I read on here. I had always thought it normal practice. Family and close friends to the whole thing, other friends and colleagues etc to the evening. We had mainly family to the whole thing, then gave details of the ceremony for those wishing to attend that at evening invitations for extended family (second cousins etc) and friends. We had 100 for the sit down but, that was the maximum and only 8 of those were friends.

I don't find it rude.

I think it's OK to invite work friends as a group to the evening do only but family and proper friends should be invited to the whole thing. It's awful to invite anyone to the service and evening do, without being invited to the reception in between and it's not good to invite anyone who would have to travel a long way to the evening do only.

Young people may enjoy coming as a group for a night of dancing and drinking but no one else will. It can be particularly awkward for anyone who doesn't know anyone else at the wedding.

Not rude but I wouldn't be too bothered about attending them. I feel like the party would already be in full swing.

As dusty said, it was very normal to have close family only to the reception, but open invite to church and friends to the evening do. Rarely would friends attend the reception.