To ask why evening invitations to weddings are considered rude/ cold?

[LucyLot]

I am getting married at Christmas time. We can have 140 guests to the full day but both have large ish families and actually there are a lot of people we want to invite but can't afford to have at the full meal so we have had to go through the list and we have an additional 40 or so we are inviting to the evening do.

This number includes some cousins, work friends etc. We still really value these people we just had to draw the line somewhere. MIL seems to think offering an evening invitation is an insult. We are only giving people evening invitations of they live locally (in the same city).

Personally I don't see the problem- we will be inviting them to a party with a hot buffet, cake and some free champagne, what's wrong with that! We are not asking for gifts.

Would anyone here be offended to receive an evening invitation?

You as a guest might be happy with tea and coffee in the church hall but perhaps that's not what they want as their wedding reception? And if you're moving from church to venue with photos inbetween time gets pretty tight pretty quick.

Alot of the offended easily crew seem to forget that the wedding isn't about them

Momma I wasn't suggesting that tea/coffee was necessarily what someone might want as their main reception. But it's a way of people being included for a short time, before the main reception down the road begins. As a personal preference, which I appreciate is different for us all and isn't up to the guest to decide, I'd rather do that, rather than an evening do and miss the wedding ceremony. Yes, time can be short, but I've been to weddings where there are refreshments at the church before everyone invited to the reception then goes on. Just thought it was worth mentioning as an alternative or an addition, as from this thread, it's clear that not everyone's a fan of the evening do.

i think some people also forget that not everyone gets married in a church with unlimited capacity.

Our registry office, for e.g., had only space for 50 people, including us. That limited us perforce as to who could be invited. It was a short notice wedding (only a few weeks planning) so we weren't overburdened with choice; nor were we overburdened with cash. It is Hard Work deciding who to invite and who to exclude!
People who came to the wedding, all were invited to the meal afterwards. But there were a lot of people who were invited to the dancing part in the afternoon/evening.

Again, because it was a short-order wedding, things were more spaced out than would have been ideal (although it worked out for us on the day) - so I made sure I sent out a "timetable" so that people knew what was happening when. "Evening only" people started arriving from about 4:30pm onwards, which was well after speeches/cake etc. and when the first music session was on. Some didn't come until later. There was food for them all as well, but laid on at about 6pm iirc.

The worst (and possibly rudest) invitation I've had was to help out the B&G by singing in the choir at their wedding (unpaid) - but then not be asked to the main reception, only to the evening do. It was over an hour's drive from home, and there was a big gap between the ceremony ending and the evening reception starting, so I had to either decide to go home and not return, go home and drive back later, or find somewhere else to go in between. I chose the last one - I had friends who were nearer the reception venue than my home, who were happy for me to visit them, but I still felt a bit rude for "using" them as a stopgap!! And of course the speeches overran, so I was waiting at the reception for about half an hour before being let in (along with another similar-placed friend, at least, but still!)

Hi, it's difficult!

I went to an evening do for my friends wedding and was upset when I got there to see that some mutual friends who we had both known had been at the wedding all day. I hadn't realised that I was 'second tier'!

Also, on reflection, it was odd that I had six+ of her relations staying in our house for two nights before and after the wedding - providing meals etc, all completely free.

Weddings, people! 🌻

I have a friend who was invited to both our children's wedding receptions. She then got married and invited me to only the evening reception and requested that I bring a dessert!

I should have said, I have been friends with her for over 30 years, she is disabled and I have done lots to help her over those years. She invited several people she had only known for a few months (her new group of friends).

Sorry, posted too soon. She invited them to the main reception.

I went to an evening do for my friends wedding [...] I had six+ of her relations staying in our house for two nights before and after the wedding - providing meals etc, all completely free.

I am agog at her cheek!

I also think that photo shoots which are going to take longer than maybe 45-60 minutes should happen on a different fucking day when you aren't keeping your guests hanging around wondering where you've got to.

Nothing wrong with evening invitation only.
I would only have family and very close friends as daytime guests.
Then a big evening do to celebrate with everybody else.

I would think it weird being invited to somebody's whole day if I wasn't that close to them. I think the ceremony/vows are very personal.

It's lovely to receive an evening invitation, so you get to celebrate with the bride/groom and all your other friends. It's the done thing around our way.