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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex had my sons hair cut after I begged him not to

180 replies

4n0nym0u5 · 08/10/2016 18:41

I have a 4 year old boy and he has (had) longish hair....looked like a little rockstar and people always commented on how good he looked.

Anyway, he is having his school photo on Wednesday and I was happy he would have long hair on this school photo as last year I cut his hair the day before photograph day (which I dint realise was photograph day) I was gutted and was adamant to have it long the next time around.

Anyway, when my xh picked him up last night I said he has his school photo on Wednesday and im wanting his hair long for the photo. I got a text this morning saying that he has asked him if he wants his hair cutting and my 4 year old son apparently said, yes, I want to look like a boy. So he booked him in to have it cut this afternoon. I text him pleading that he doesn't get it cut, I rang but he never answered and when he did I begged in tears he didn't do it, that he just leave it for this weekend and Id get it cut after his photo. He said hes going to see what my son wants.

The thing is, my ex has it in his head that only girls have long hair and boys hair should be short. he is very steryotypical Hes due to drop my son off at 7pm tonight, and im dreading seeing his short hair. Im going to show a smile for my son and say wow look how handsome you are, but inside I will be heartbroken.

Whats your opinions??

I text him pleading him not to go ahead with it and called him crying and pleading and he just didn't respond

OP posts:
flippinada · 10/10/2016 10:48

Epic autocorrect fail there! Confused

In English - I'd maybe ask for this to be deleted

Original poster
4n0nym0u5 · 10/10/2016 13:30

Hi...not sure why its in the The Sun, desperate I guess!
My boy looks handsome no matter what, I didn't go out to make him look like a 'rockstar' I was just trying to give you an idea of the length of his hair.

I later found out that my ex had told our son if he didn't get it cut the lady at the shop would shout at him as they had already booked him in.
Ive not risen to it, ive kept my mouth shut...like someone advised im going to teach my children to have their own opinion on what they want to do with their body, hair....I would only give them advice.

OP posts:
TeenyW123 · 10/10/2016 14:31

An0n

There's a thread in 'Relationships' titled 'Parenting with a narc ex' or something like that. Go and have a look. It talks about counter parenting, rather than co parenting. Experiences on that thread sound similar to the sort of dynamic you're trying to deal with.

He's being a shit because he can. He knew it would upset you.

Original poster
4n0nym0u5 · 10/10/2016 15:55

Thanks, ill take a look. Im goi to keep my mouth shut with him in future!

OP posts:
SpareASquare · 12/10/2016 07:33

This is now on an au site!

www.mouthsofmums.com.au/should-fathers-seek-permission-before-getting-their-childs-hair-cut/#

Damselindestress · 12/10/2016 11:31

It's so irresponsible for journalists to use forums like this as fodder for articles. Yes, it's a public forum but the ex is much more likely to read the Sun than Mumsnet and if they recognise the scenario it could cause problems.

Original poster
4n0nym0u5 · 12/10/2016 23:47

I wouldnt mind, but people are getting the impression my son agrred to having his hair cut....he didn't, he said no and his dad badgered him until he said yes.....thankfully he is happy and he had his photo taken today and he can now see, haha!

OP posts:
MissMoo22 · 13/10/2016 00:56

It's disgusting that journalists are taking topics from here to pass as 'news'. People come here to post for support usually because they are embarrassed or have no-one in real life they can discuss it with so want to get some advice/feed back. For journalists to then make it so much more public than Mumsnet will ever be is just vile. But it smacks of their lack of skills in their field if they have to just steal content from here to fill their quota. It would be laughable if it wasn't so dangerous.

BrainPrions · 13/10/2016 07:49

Woman rants on Mumsnet after her ex cuts their four-year-old son’s long hair without her permission… but users insist she’s unreasonable

Grin Can we just take a moment to marvel at the title?

GrinGrin

God bless.

quicklydecides · 13/10/2016 07:55

I've only read the first page, I just had to skip ahead and give you some support.
Your ex is a bully and he's using your little boy as the battleground.
He's only lying when he says your son asked for a hair cut.
I'm sorry, I too would be so upset.

Oblomov16 · 13/10/2016 07:58

Oh dear, the sun?
And the blogger has linked to it too?
Sad

flippinada · 13/10/2016 08:15

Lovely. Clearly these irresponsible, unethical journalists are too lazy to write their own content.

I've reported this and asked for it to be removed.

Original poster
4n0nym0u5 · 13/10/2016 15:53

Thanks for doing that flippinada, I didn't know how to. x

OP posts:
littleflamingo · 14/10/2016 00:00

He should not cut your child's hair! What a bullshit "he has the same rights"... For fucks sake what's wrong with some people? I would tell my ds categorically that I said that I didn't want his hair cut.

user1471429010 · 14/10/2016 06:31

I have to go against the majority and agree with you op. My ex did the same to my 3 year old ds when I was in scbu with my premature dd. He had the most beautiful curls and my ex didn't even bother to take him to a hairdressers and gave him a grade 2 all over with his shaver and his beautiful baby curls were lost forever. I never even got to keep a piece Sad. He even laughed telling me how scared he was of the noise but now looked like a boy rather than a sissy girl I insisted on making him look like Angry! It may seem irrational but having his hair cut meant he was growing up and I was very upset by the whole thing. It's something that should have been decided together Flowers

Tanith · 14/10/2016 06:36

Ah, that could be why you got such harsh replies from some quarters. Looks like the journalist(s) wanted to stir things up a bit for their planned article Hmm

flippinada · 14/10/2016 09:04

MN said they wouldn't take this down without a request from OP so I've re=reported and highlighted your post saying you want it removed 4n0. Hopefully it'll be gone PDQ.

georgiamum · 26/12/2020 23:12

Hi there .
What can I do if my ex partner cut my sons hair super short and put the hair to his bag with clothes on purpose inside the bag ...(and I am talking between every clothes and dropped in to make mess )so I can find it when he gets back home on Christmas day...and telling my son that he looks like a girl in longer hair.Child abuse?

I will add. I AM NOT upset about this hair to be cut ....I am upset that he disrespect my sons clothes and do stuff like this on purpose.

PandemicPavolova · 26/12/2020 23:20

I find it highly suspicious that he said this, I can't imagine a level un biased playing field of hair options being posed to the boy.

Rather absolutely leading questions and getting it done...

ProudAuntie76 · 26/12/2020 23:23

@georgiamum

You’d be better starting your own thread rather than confusing people by replying to one that’s years old Hmm

Yeahnahmum · 26/12/2020 23:23

You shouldn't have told him about picture day...
And in the end it is up to the kid if he has long hair. I love boys with medium or long hair. Really hate all those short hair does with shaved sides

MariaK91 · 26/12/2020 23:40

If ds is happy then I don't see the problem. Bit much drama over a 4 year olds hair. Do you want your son's hair to be long for him, or for you?

katy1213 · 26/12/2020 23:49

He's not your toy and he doesn't want to look like Little Lord Fauntleroy. Or even a rockstar.

Lifeisforalimitedperiodonly · 27/12/2020 00:05

ZOMBIE THREAD………

eaglejulesk · 27/12/2020 00:40

I text him pleading him not to go ahead with it and called him crying and pleading and he just didn't respond

I'm not surprised he didn't respond, your reaction is totally OTT.

It's only hair, it will grow again, if your DS wants it to, and you can take photos then.