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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Ex had my sons hair cut after I begged him not to

180 replies

4n0nym0u5 · 08/10/2016 18:41

I have a 4 year old boy and he has (had) longish hair....looked like a little rockstar and people always commented on how good he looked.

Anyway, he is having his school photo on Wednesday and I was happy he would have long hair on this school photo as last year I cut his hair the day before photograph day (which I dint realise was photograph day) I was gutted and was adamant to have it long the next time around.

Anyway, when my xh picked him up last night I said he has his school photo on Wednesday and im wanting his hair long for the photo. I got a text this morning saying that he has asked him if he wants his hair cutting and my 4 year old son apparently said, yes, I want to look like a boy. So he booked him in to have it cut this afternoon. I text him pleading that he doesn't get it cut, I rang but he never answered and when he did I begged in tears he didn't do it, that he just leave it for this weekend and Id get it cut after his photo. He said hes going to see what my son wants.

The thing is, my ex has it in his head that only girls have long hair and boys hair should be short. he is very steryotypical Hes due to drop my son off at 7pm tonight, and im dreading seeing his short hair. Im going to show a smile for my son and say wow look how handsome you are, but inside I will be heartbroken.

Whats your opinions??

I text him pleading him not to go ahead with it and called him crying and pleading and he just didn't respond

OP posts:

Soubriquet · 08/10/2016 18:57

Your underestimating your ds here saying he doesn't understand

He is 4 years old!! He will have seen his friends with short hair, tv programs with boy characters with short hair, books with boys with short hair!

Dd is 3 and if we talk about having her hair cut, she is adamant it won't happen. She will allow a little trim but wants long hair like rapunzel.

Yabu

PoppyBirdOnAWire · 08/10/2016 18:59

Opinion? That you are being unreasonable. Hair grows, for one thing and for another your son now has a cool haircut, probably.

NicknameUsed · 08/10/2016 19:00

And if he comes home saying he didn't really want his hair cut the answer will be "never mind it will grow back".

MidnightVelvettheSixth · 08/10/2016 19:00

Also having short hair at school is much easier when nits inevitably arrive :)

Konyaa · 08/10/2016 19:00

What the fuck OP this isn't even an issue

YuckYuckEwwww · 08/10/2016 19:01

YABfuckingU

You say you'ld be okay with it being cut after his usually shit and over priced and overrated school pics so what's wrong with now if that's what your son asked for?, it's HIS hair not yours, HE is allowed to change his mind about it

Go get yourself a rockstar hairdo and stop using your child to make power struggle points with your ex!

bloodyteenagers · 08/10/2016 19:01

So in the past year you have no pictures of your son with long hair?
It's just one over priced picture, that chances are by the time it's taken he will have food/paint/won't look how you sent him in.. The real memories should be from the random pictures you take during your child's life. Not the once a year posed, photo shopped one.

AndNowItsSeven · 08/10/2016 19:02

Am I reading a different thread? The op ex was using their ds to control and bully her.
My ds is four he wouldn't ask for a hair cut it wouldn't occur to him.

Original poster

4n0nym0u5 · 08/10/2016 19:03

True about the nits! Thanks for your opinions, I was pretty dramatic I guess, a lot more harder things in life to deal with than hair!

OP posts:

Jasonandyawegunorts · 08/10/2016 19:03

Ausernotanumber · 08/10/2016 19:03

What a load of drama. Ringing him crying and pleading?

BombadierFritz · 08/10/2016 19:04

op have you heard of reverse psychology? if you want your ex to do something, ask him to do the opposite eg tell him he has to get ds hair cut right now, it is a disgrace, his job etc etc etc. guaranteed he will never go to hairdressers!

YuckYuckEwwww · 08/10/2016 19:05

I think you are seven, last year the OP cut the child's hair short just before school photo, She told the ex it was school photo again and that she didn't want it short, the ex said "I'll see what the child wants" - asked child, child says yes please to hair cut, child gets hair cut..

The OP is the one with control issues not the ex!

Jasonandyawegunorts · 08/10/2016 19:07

i can't think of many rock stars with long hair from the current era....

YuckYuckEwwww · 08/10/2016 19:09

Bombadier that would only work if the ex had the same controlling mindset as the OP, but since he offered the choice to the child who actually has to wear the hair.. the outcome would have been the same..

Girliefriendlikesflowers · 08/10/2016 19:10

If you knew your ex was going to have the opposite opinion to you on this why on Earth would you mention it to him?

It sounds like your ex did this to deliberately spite you and for that I understand why you are upset, if it was a girls hair or a younger child I imagine the responses may have been different.

Original poster

4n0nym0u5 · 08/10/2016 19:11

My ex has also called me a bully to my son for allowing him to dress up in a princess dress, I have a little girl whos loves frozen ad she asks her brother to 'play anna' which he does happily. But Dad wont allow him to dress up. There is a lot more to the story but I wont go into it. just wanted the opinions of the hair thing, which I see now is a dramatic reaction on my part...x

OP posts:

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/10/2016 19:11

If your ds didn't want his hair cut the other day, it sounds as though he's trying to please his father. It's a shame you said something as your ex possibly wouldn't have thought to cut ds's hair. When your ds gets older, he will have more fixed views. Your ds will pick up on the crying and angst. It is shit to feel like you are being controlled by your ex. However, it really is necessary to put this into perspective for your mental health and the sake of your child. It's ok, your beautiful boy is still your beautiful boy.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/10/2016 19:13

So your ex has very traditional views. He's the bully for talking in this way. Nothing wrong with a boy wearing girls dress up clothes.

YuckYuckEwwww · 08/10/2016 19:14

OP don't make this about how cool and gender neutral you are, it's not about that, its about your weird fixation with school photos - if it was about "letting" your DS have long hair you wouldn't have agreed to have it cut after the school photos, and you wouldn't have cut it yourself last year, which you were happy to do until you found out it was school photo time

seriously who gives this much of a shit about school photos that they're still upset about last years to the point of crying a year later????

Original poster

4n0nym0u5 · 08/10/2016 19:14

Hair grows, so I was dramatic, maybe I should apologise to the dad when he drops the kiddies off in abit...x

OP posts:

YuckYuckEwwww · 08/10/2016 19:17

it sounds as though he's trying to please his father
if he is, then he'll also be doing that in his mums house and "pleasing" her by saying he wants long hair in her house

except the OP doesn't really care what the child wants, she said that she doesn't believe that 4yos can make their own choices and she also said that she only wants it long for the school photo (and it can be cut straight after), and not because the child wants it!

I'm all for not enforcing gender stereoypes, but the OP isn't about that

Soubriquet · 08/10/2016 19:17

Yes apologise

He is your sons father. Doesn't matter if he is more traditional with boys vs girls thing, he is still his dad and trusted to make the right decisions too.

But this isn't yours or your exH choice anyway. It was your ds's

Chippednailvarnishing · 08/10/2016 19:17

What Yuck said

JustSpeakSense · 08/10/2016 19:19

I think if you hadn't mentioned photo day, or the haircut to your XH this wouldn't have happened.

It is a valuable lesson learned, to keep talks with XH to a minimum.

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