AIBU to expect my OH to accept this

[Playingitbyear]

When DS was born, we found that we all got the most sleep by co-sleeping. Then when DD was born, she would only sleep on my chest. 1 1/2 years later, I still sleep in her room on a mattress on the floor with her head on my chest.

If all four of us were in one room I don't think any of us would get much sleep.

Obviously OH and I haven't had sex for a long time. When we talk about it, I say it is temporary and that everything is on hold until the children sleep in own beds/rooms etc, and he is kind of ok with that. I didn't think it would take this long either!

Anyway, has anyone had a similar arrangement with their relationship still intact? And got their sex life back after a long break? Is this weird or normal? And AIBU to expect my OH to accept this?

You don't sound very happy OH - quite aggressive, in fact.

PigletWasPoohsFriend
And I am now expressing my own opinions. Seems fair.

Good for you OP's OH.

However for future reference I will second the pp. There are many wonderful, supportive boards on MN where people are more than happier to give their advice. On AIBU they give their opinions. It's rather the done thing.

OH If people answering an anonymous post on a forum have "contributed to this weekend being our own private hell" I strongly suggest you both step away from using forums.

Oh wow OHof I haven't commented yet, but if I had, I wouldn't appreciate being told off for giving an opinion that someone had actually asked for. Your wife asked for advice. She got it. You are both totally welcome to carry on not having sex and sleeping on the floor with your kids. All anyone has really tried to say is that you can actually have children that sleep in their beds, that aren't emotionally messed up, and you can still maintain a sexual and romantic relationship with your partner. It's not one or the other. It's almost as though you're suggesting.... If you don't sleep with your kids then they won't be confident and happy. Really?? If you aren't having sex, you think your kids need you for sleep, and mumsnet has had the power to destroy your weekend - maybe you need to ask yourselves why that is?

Naicehamshop
Not at all; however, I do feel strongly about this...as do others.

I repeat - don't ask for opinions and then fly off the handle if you don't like them.

Sorry, your last point is? What do you think it was? You have a certain tone. You may not know that you do, it might be socialization but men coming on and telling us off doesn't fly.

10 pages of differing advice and you come on and tell the numerous posters we are all wrong. FWIW I think co-sleeping is completely problematic and that CIO isn't a choice I would make.

mygorgeousmilo
You are right and, as someone said earlier, this thread spews opinion whilst other threads may give advice. Our mistake. My OH, and I now, hoped for advice.

FFS spellcheck, Unproblematic.

There's a sleep topic and a sex topic. Those could be better for sleep advice and sex advice.

AIBU is asking if people think you are being unreasonable. Fairly obviously I would have thought.

I do feel strongly about this...as do others.

Others?

Wow, make some couple time. No need for it to be in your bed and at night only

You have received advice OH but you've chosen to ignore it. That's your right of course, but please don't come on here telling us all off; you are not coming across well.

MrsTerryPratchett
"...men coming on and telling us off..."
I am not 'mansplaining', if that's what you mean, and me being a man on this forum surely shouldn't matter.
What I meant was, I genuinely didn't understand your last point.

Naicehamshop
Point taken.

If advice is what you're looking for may I suggest AIBU isn't the best place? It's well known for being fairly brutal. That said, it being responsible for "a weekend of personal hell" tells me you're taking it way too much to heart.

I am not 'mansplaining' Fish don't see the water they're swimming in.

What I meant was, I genuinely didn't understand your last point

Judging by your posts you don't understand the point of forums. Your wife posted for advice in AIBU and people answered her post. You then post saying posters have contributed to making this weekend a private hell for you both. As I said earlier, if people can't deal with the advice they get on forums then what's the point in posting?

ayeokthen
Good point.

My original point was that making your partner (both partners) feel valued, loved and wanted is hugely important. Whether that's sex, cuddles, spending a bit of time together each day having a wee chat, just showing affection is up to each couple.

JustCallMeKate
Kate (well you did say), I think that's just it. There was much 'opinion' but only a few bits of 'advice'. I must say, though, that a lot of the advice was well received, so thank you.

Weetabix, yeah I've got the book on that - I scored very highly on all 5, lol. The thing is, with the Ops lifestyle here, they spend so little time together, I'm not sure the others would 'score' much higher - maybe the 'words' one, or gifts, but I think it's rare that those without any firm of action, whether that's spending time together, or intimacy of some kind, is truly satisfying.

I think the mistake the book makes(or maybe we make in interpreting it) is to assume that we/they have got a primary love language and as long as that's satisfied, it's all good. Whilst we may well 'score' differently for different areas, I'm not sure that any can truly ever be abandoned, and I think many people would feel dissatisfied if more than 2 weren't given much attention.

ayeokthen
I agree. And having read all of this it has reinforced that I must do a lot more of that.

this is getting more and more bizarre... and has further convinced me that people who co-sleep for an extended time with their children have their own emotional crap going on. It's nothing to do with the children in reality.