AIBU to not help DD with hair every morning?

[Ilovehamabeads]

She's almost 12 and just started high school. She already gets up 75 mins before she needs to leave and spends about 60 of those minutes dicking around with her hair. She's fallen out with me because apparently everyone else's mum does their dd's hair in the morning, she hates her hair and why can't it be straight like everyone else's.
I never helped when she was at primary school and just don't have the time or inclination to be trialling fancy styles at that time in the morning. While she is doing that, I am downstairs making breakfasts and packed lunch for my younger DS.

Should I be getting her and me up even earlier to do her hair for her? If it's the norm to help your almost 12 year old and I am wrongly neglecting her then I will certainly make the effort. I definitely can't be doing with this drama every day.
Thanks!

My Dd has waist length hair which sometimes needs my help on bad hair days. I agree that if it's a desire for fancy styles then she needs to learn these (YouTube videos or a good friend). I quickly learnt how to french plait, Dutch plait, chignon, French pleat etc when my Mum admitted defeat but asking for help to get into a neat low ponytail for school isn't unreasonable and takes five minutes. It's also a great five minutes for chatting about stuff.

Yabu! I still like my mother helping me with my hair and I'm 30! It's a nice bonding activity and she will go to school feeling good about herself. Surely that's a good thing, for just 5-10 mins of time in the morning. Especially if it saves her having a meltdown which must be stressful for everyone. Not a good start to the day. However, me and my mother are abnormally close, I consider her my best friend. Who knows, maybe her helping me do my hair and other small things like that, when I lived at home contributed to that. Chill out and enjoy your mother daughter relationship. It's a special thing.

Ghd straighteners for xmas would be my recommendation. They are pricey but worth it and last for ages. Had Mine for God knows how long! Given her age tho she will need supervisin with them. Then on the sunday wash her hair, blow dry it and straighten it (using sections and a comb-c u tube videos if ur unsure) and a little finishing spray or hair smoother on the ends not the roots. Get her to practice this so she learns how to do this eventually on her own when she can be trusted with straightners. This style should hold for quite a few days. Make sure she doesn't wash her hair daily twice a week max. Use a bit of dry shampoo mid week if roots need a pick me up. Also if ur daughter can access u tube videos and practice quick and easy styles (on the weekend not in the morning) this could help. Mastering how to plait ur hair or do a nice bun or pony tail will pay off for all the years to come. I have thick frizzy hair and these straightners are a life saver. Good luck op

Oh and I don't think u abu! But I would help a little with straightners or researching online for some easy solutions But I wouldn't be getting up earlier t do this just when u have the time to x

It is nice if you could just take a bit of time to help her with her hair. It's prob taking so long as she can't do it herself. Another option could be going to the hairdressers and having a hair relaxing treatment for curly or frizzy hair which will make thick frizzy hair silky soft and straight.

Has she got a decent cut, as in done by a hairdresser who is up to date? When I was 12 I was still going to the same salon my grandmother went to, she used to take me along every 5 weeks with her. Lovely hairdresser but by her own admission, she couldn't do "trendy" styles. I hated my hair. It was thick and blocky and unmanageable. No amount of gel or mousse (it was the 90s!) made any difference to how awful I felt it looked and how low my self esteem was. Having some layers and a cut that suited my hair as well as my face when I was about 14 was a breakthrough moment in my life. I've always said for my own children that I will pay for decent cuts - we go to a village salon with low prices but excellent stylists - and yes, I help them manage their hair. I remember acutely how crap I always felt at school and if I can support them, I will.

My hair is very thick and takes looking after and effort (and cash) to look good. Now, I love it and often complemented on it. As a teenager it was a nightmare. I understand mornings are busy but please give your daughter some support with this. She is probably feeling vulnerable and self conscious (and needs her Mum). Girlie time, when you are not busy, helping her to sort it could be fun and do wonders for herself confidence at a time when she needs it. Big school can be daunting as we all know.

I have battled naturally frizzy, wavy hair for years and was recently introduced to the Babyliss Curl Secret tool by my son's girlfriend. In five minutes and I can convert a frizzy bed head into shiny loose curls. They are not cheap (£120 new) but I got a cheap pair on eBay for £40. Best beauty buy EVER!

Frizz Dismiss Rebel Tame by Redken is what she needs!

My dd,10 has the most beautiful thick golden wavy/curly long hair to her waist, sometimes she deals with it herself but i wld never say no except if there was no choice even if it were just a quick do. I want her to feel good about herself and i dont want her to leave for school lacking confidence. It is such an easy way to knock out a potential problem YABU. There is so much for them to worry about so take some of it away. Those who advocate independence are in a sense right but why take a stand, you will miss it and her when these days are gone

Both me and my daughter have very thick very curly hair. I straighten hers for her since she started high school. Takes about 40 mins on a Sunday and lasts the school week. I hope one day she loves her curly hair but I remember what it was like having mad hair as a kid (before ghds existed!) so for now i'm happy to help her look as she feels happiest! I also got her a straightening hot brush so she can top it up safely during the week.

If plaits etc are taking her too long, how about a bun? If she gets a couple of nice hair ornaments (forks or sticks) she can learn to make a pretty secure bun in just a couple of minutes each morning. Some good ones to start with would be a lazy wrap bun or cinnabun. All can be secured with stick/s or a fork.

Maybe also look at The Long Hair Community for styling tips. Its a US based site, & has a lot less traffic than MN, but I've found it really helpful dealing with my DD's hair (and in helping my own to thicken up).

I used to struggle with my hair at that age but no way would I have expected my mum to do it for me. It may be expensive but it would probably be easier to cope with if you could take her to a really good hairdresser who could shorten it and 'thin it out' properly. There are loads of ideas in hair magazines and of course on the internet which, if they suit her could be attempted by a good hairdresser so that it 'falls into place' each morning without too much faffing about.

She's at a sensitive age - it took decades for me to get a good hairstyle which really worked well for me. During my youth it was the thing to have straight, sleek hair - no way was my thatch ever going took look like that - then punk came along to save me.

Just can't believe anyone wld even post this question. A child asking for help with anything - how could you not? When they're grown and gone, you'll look back with regret that you didn't help when she needed you to.

I've only skimmed and read the OP's posts, and I may also be projecting, but I feel sorry for your daughter. Her hair sounds like mine. If you brush it (a mission in itself) it looks wavy. It isn't, it's curly.

I spent my childhood and teen years HATING my hair. Even at age 10 I remember my friend telling me I should put water on my hair to smooth it down so it would be shiny and glossy like hers

My friends during my teens had long silky hair that was easily brushed that they wore down all the time. I only ever wore ponytails and buns. I never felt pretty as a teenager.

As an adult I have discovered the curly girl method and my hair is stunning. Yeah I'm bragging, but I hated my hair for nearly 30 years, I've earned some bragging rights!

Also, it's easier to deal with now. 2-3 washes a week and each morning I get up and go, no real hair maintenance required.

Do not treat her hair as if it's straight or try to make it straight, try to discover what her hair is naturally like and go from there. There's websites dedicated to curly hair, get her looking online for hair tips.

Oh and if a hairdresser offers to thin her hair using thinning shears or razors, don't do it! It's the worst thing to do for curly hair!! The thought makes me feel a bit sick...

Pinterest is your friend here. Sit down with your daughter and do a search on there for quick & easy hair styles. She can learn to do them herself And hey presto!
There will come a day when you will miss the touch of your daughters hair so never begrudge it while it lasts but at her age, no I don't think YBU.

I don't do hair. I can assist with a best pony tail & after years of practice I can now do a ballet bun but that's it.

The hairdresser tried to teach me how to do a French pleat on dds hair but I failed miserably.

So no, I wouldn't faff around with dds hair in the morning. She does her own bun & has her hair cut at an appropriate length.

Why not sit this weekend and have a look at Pinterest and find a style that you can both cope with for school mornings? If she is, as you say, 'dicking around' with her hair, maybe 10 or so minutes helping her would free her up to help you with the stuff you need to do. Make a deal like that?

My dd is 11 and has just started secondary too. Her hair is long, thick and inclined to be tangly. She is happy to just put a band around it herself (this has only happened in the last few weeks) but she can't get the tangles out -she just hasn't quite got the hang of getting around all parts of her head yet. So I just do it for her - in fact she begs me not to at times but I insist as otherwise it gets into a complete state!

But yes, I'd certainly help any child of any age if they wanted me to. If you can decide on the style she wants, which takes a reasonable amount of time to do, at a more suitable time of day, then it's not likely to be a huge chore surely?

I have VERY thick curly/frizzy hair and at school i hated it. I really wanted straight hair like everyone else and spent years going against what nature had given me and ruined my hair in the process. After a bit of research I learned how to care for it and now i love it. For a quick hair do i put it in a messy bun on top of my head, it takes about 30 seconds! Have a look at 'curly girl' websites for care and style advice x

I have a 3 year old and she has long wavy hair, I do whatever hairstyle she wants. I'll keep doing it until I'm not needed anymore. If it meant getting up earlier with her to straighten it section by section then I would. 12 is a important time!

OP, when I was your DD's age, I used to get up hours before I had to leave for school to do my hair. My mum used to help me, but she was awful with hair, didn't appreciate she was doing it really badly and just wasn't interested, so I learned how to do my hair myself. But I did get up that early and spend that long on my hair. These days, I wash, brush, put a little product in and off I go, but when I was going through puberty, I spent so much time preening.

I had body issues at that age and I guess the thing I felt I could change/control the most was my hair. My weight and health problems seemed out of my hands, but I could figure out how to do amazing hair and feel good about myself. Looking back, I don't know how I ever got up that early to do hair (I don't have the patience or skill anymore) but it was important to me at that time.

Don't underestimate how big a deal good hair can be for a girl that age even if you didn't care then and still don't now. Could you look into a hair/pampering session with a local hairdresser one weekend so your DD can get some tips on how to control her own hair herself? Maybe you're not the right person to help her, but perhaps you could line up someone to help her help herself.

And me, help her you should feel honoured she asks for your help! Soon she will be all grown up and not wanting or needing your help!