AIBU to not help DD with hair every morning?

[Ilovehamabeads]

She's almost 12 and just started high school. She already gets up 75 mins before she needs to leave and spends about 60 of those minutes dicking around with her hair. She's fallen out with me because apparently everyone else's mum does their dd's hair in the morning, she hates her hair and why can't it be straight like everyone else's.
I never helped when she was at primary school and just don't have the time or inclination to be trialling fancy styles at that time in the morning. While she is doing that, I am downstairs making breakfasts and packed lunch for my younger DS.

Should I be getting her and me up even earlier to do her hair for her? If it's the norm to help your almost 12 year old and I am wrongly neglecting her then I will certainly make the effort. I definitely can't be doing with this drama every day.
Thanks!

i do my dds hair every day and always have done, their 8 and 3 and i'll continue to make that effort for as long as they let me, i wash and dry each night and braid every morning, i'm a hairdresser tho so can do intricate braids etc very quickly

if it's not something you want or can do, then don't, invest in a good pair of straighters, very good quality heat defence, a decent hair dryer and a few good brushes, kirby grips, and small hair elastics, help her research hair care etc

i know most parents don't do it, but i do it because it's easy for me, both my children resemble Merida dragged through a hedge so i can't just tie it back

My eldest is 15 and still asked me to help with her hair some mornings. As long as they ask and I can do it I will.

Why don't you look into keratin or Brazilian straightening for her?

You could also pay for a blow dry session where they teach this in the salon...

i wouldn't recommend brazilian or keratin treatments on such young heads, i have several requests for this on teen girls and won't do it

I occasionally will do 2 french plaits for my daughter on a pe day.. but not every day.. or every week.. she says the is always someing who during morning registration will do fancy plaits as there are always a few girls who can do it. other than that my daughter just sticks it up in a ponytail or does her own normal plaits.. my daughter gets up at 7 and leaves at 7.45 so does just get up and get on.

Personally, I have not done dds hair now regularly for about 6m. She is 10. Some days she comes and asks for help with a plait or whatever if she can't manage but generally no. I encouraged her to get her hair cut OR learn a few simple dos she was happy with because like OP I have plenty to do in the morning otherwise.

Teaching your daughter to care for herself at this age is actually better for her self esteem in the long run than doing her hair for her.

I don't think my mum ever did my hair past 10.

If you want to help her could she set the breakfast table the night before for you. So if she helps you then you have time to help her but if she can't be bothered then she has to do her own hair. Although really I think she should be doing it unless it is very difficult. Could a hair dresser help by showing her? It might be worth the money for a cut and style.
I know it seems to be a bit of competition even at primary school.

OP I have a fuzzy hairline. Hairspray on a toothbrush then that to tame the fuzz works.

might add before i get slammed down for doing my daughters hair and not helping them care for themselves which i think is the biggest load of bull ever seens as 80% of my hairdressing income comes from women who want boxer braids, a curly blow dry or a hair up and these are adults who can't do their own hair

my girls have had access to training blocks since they were tiny and my 8 year old can do all sorts or hair up, braids and a curly blow dry and recently did the flower girls hair for my friends wedding, so i'm not lowering their self esteem by doing their hair, i'm spending precious time with my daughters

My niece (living with me) is almost 12, just started secondary school and also has thick curly hair. I do tight braids or a braid style for her every other night to keep in in place as otherwise she spends hours doing nothing to her hair but matting it! She's grateful, and it's probably about time she started learning to do it herself, but I'll keep doing it for as long as she wants me to - it's nice for us to have some time together in the evenings while we do it if I'm honest.

I still do my DDs hair a few times a week.
Just some French braids. She can do fancier styles herself, but some mornings she likes a loving hand to care, she is sometimes cold, or sleepy, or worried about a test that day.
I pop a cushion on the floor and she sits between my knees while I plait her hair and we have a 5 minute chat about the forthcoming day.
It's a simple act, it's a loving act for us, it shows her that as fast as the world spins there is always time for some mother daughter love.

She has curly hair? Curly hair is difficult.
My Dd is 13 and mixed race with curly hair - I still have to help her with her hair.
Look up 'curly girl method' and join a Facebook group that will help.

Forgot to say my DD is 16.

Why not spend 10 minutes doing her hair (not done a style yet that takes longer .... for school that is) then to make up time she can help downstairs later?

My mum was terrible at hair. So she got me videos and books so I could try myself.

Try hair serum and blow dry at night then a bit more in the morning to tame the frizzy bits

awesome no idea it was that harmful (I'm from the era of bubble perms!)

A blow dry session is good i know someone with curly/wavy hair who professionally dries her hair every day but learned on you tube.

I spend a lot of time faffing with my hair, there are fab websites full of simple updos using twists, french plaits, dutch braids, but they all take some practice. I would definitely do it for my daughter, I wish my mum had done it for me.

awesome- I agree.

My DD sometimes does my hair too, it's a lovely way of showing you care about someone.

My DD is 13 and The Hair is very important in the morning! I've helped her in the past, shown her how to use mini straighteners and she's practised French plaits and Dutch braids on my own hair. She sorts it all herself now... but if it goes wrong she either does a messy bun or high pony. Frizz Ease spray or dry shampoo are what I let her use on a bad hair day!

Btw- daily straightening will not happen in my house, if I can help it. It is bad for hair and once those split ends start all tou8can do is chop them off.

Show her some hair styling tutorials online so she can practice some herself. Sweethearts Hair Design have some brilliant and very doable styles. Would doing a fancy braid the night before be an option? If you use some hair oil it won't frizz overnight and will still look good x

She apron ably wouldn't spend an hour 'dicking about' with various hairstyles if you helped her.

Some 12yo wear a ponytail, hair down, plait. No problems. Clearly for your DD this is important - therefore it should be important to you too.

I'd suggest putting aside some time this weekend to help her learn how to wash it effectively and straighten it well. Then look at hairstyles and help her practice doing them.

I totally believe in independence - but I also believe some things will take others longer and some people need more help to be independent.

some chemical straighteners contain ingredients that when mixed with water product formaldehyde gas, yes hair will feel amazing but you can't have it done just once because hair tends to be awful afterwards and needs redoing, it's not a one off thing :(

if she teaches herself to blow dry in sections, with a directional nozzle and a good brush...straighteners won't be needed.

she just wants helps to learn, she's shown she's willing and i'm struggling to understand why you can't take 10/15 mins out of your day, or help her a few evenings for an hour with practice, your not just dismissing her physically, your ignoring her upset and stress