To feel a bit humiliated by his reaction

[gembran]

At work today was sitting with a group of people I normally sit with, 5 work friends I guess you could call them - been in the job just over a month and we all started together. All seem really nice. It's a grad scheme so almost has a university freshers feel to it, we're all young and have fun together in our free time.

I was idly chatting about wanting to use my languages more in the workplace. One guy in the group also speaks the same foreign language as I do, both as a second language. I asked him if he got much of a chance to practise and must have looked keen ("I'm loooking for someone to practise with" hint hint) as two of my friends burst out laughing (nicely) and slightly took the mickey, insinuating that I wanted him to do it. Was good-natured though!

He kind of stammered and then said something about how his girlfriend had just started to learn a new language, obviously just trying to shoehorn her name into conversation and make it clear he wasn't available! Feel mortified as I definitely don't fancy him and don't find him attractive in that way at all - was just being friendly and chatty. He then returned to being bantery and friendly

Yes fair enough. I didn't mean to come across like that, if you had read all of my posts you would have seen it comes from insecurity. I don't at all wish to imply he should be flattered!!!!!! Just not so disgusted that he had to shoehorn his gf into conversation.

And also immediately assume that he was so irresistible my attempts at idle chat were oh no she wants me, how to let her down gently

Ah don't worry about it, someone else will say something on Monday,everyone will laugh and that'll be it, your thing will be history.
I doubt anyone else has thought about it since it happened in fact, so feel free to let it escape your brain too.

Your conversation sounds totally standard to me. He was saying he doesn't practice much because his girlfriend has started speaking Spanish, and he doesn't see the point in them learning different languages. That's relevant. I don't think he was warning you off by mentioning her. I honestly wouldn't have blinked at his response. I don't think he took it that you were implying he should practice with you, and I don't think he purposefully bought up his girlfriend so you would know he's taken. If he was embarrassed at all, maybe he was a bit ashamed that he isn't practising his language when you've made it clear you're still pursuing it, and he felt it reflected badly on him.

I really wouldn't think about it any further, & think one/both of you read the conversation entirely wrong.

I'm just obsessing that he or everyone else thinks I have some unrequited crush I'm not bold enough to have come up with some witty put-down and just embarrassed really about what they all think of me

I have read the posts.
So now you are blaming insecurity? I see.

Oh bugger off Poppy, I'm not blaming anything, this is an anonymous website so I am being completely and utterly honest. Leave me alone.

Overthinking r us. Move on.
Bet he isn't agonising over the minutiae of this amazing occurrence. Good grief.

Cool. Bye then. At least I do not have to be rude.

You were rude though - you accused me of "blaming insecurity" as if I was making an excuse. I'm clearly unhappy and you're not being gentle or kind, just seem determined to make me feel like shit!

gembran You've explained and re-explained. You don't deserve the pitiful goady responses. Just ignore them, no matter how often they keep bumping your thread to keep it going.

Have you ever thought about getting real life help speaking to a counsellor. None of us knows whats going on in your head I think there is more to it. Why should it bother you him mentioning his girlfriend he is just a work colleague not a friend. I think maybe talking to someone about your insecurities may help you get over them.

He was probably embarrassed by the others' joking reaction (and also, if he's not particularly attractive) wanted all you girls to know he was spoken for.

This sort of thing has happened to me, and yes - it's a bit embarrassing, but it's best ignored and soon forgotten.

Let him think he is your fantasy shag if it makes him happy.

There is a saying don't mess around with the help. He has standards not to mix business with pleasure. Never mix the 2 but in your head you are trying to. On Monday he will look normal and getting on with work and you will look disheveled from all the thinking you have done.

Poor OP. She is 22 and I guess that most of us on here are a lot older than that. At my age I couldn't be embarrassed if my knickers fell down in the street. I'd just step out of them. If, however, some bloke had imagined I'd fancied him and then rebuffed me when I was 22, I'd have died and yes, I would have been going over and over it all weekend.

Frankly, it does sound embarrassing, but it is your colleagues' fault with their silly joke. Unless you both did madly fancy each other it was never going to end well. If OP had had a boyfriend, she may well have mentioned him to diffuse any perceived heat from Language Lad.

I don't know why some posters are being mean - I'm sure a great many of us have mentioned or even invented a phantom boyfriend in the (dim and distant) past to ward off the attentions of someone rather than be rude and state we aren't interested.

yy RhodaBull, nice post.

Sounds like he thinks any woman that wants to be friendly, wants to go out with him. What a dullard.

I don't think I would have been embarrassed when younger either. I can't remember if this has ever happened to me but I think I would have found it funny rather than humiliating. Someone I used to work with years ago often warned any man that talked to her that she had a boyfriend and they used to really laugh about it. They certainly didn't feel embarrassed or humiliated and neither should you OP.

good point Rhoda, I thought it was the man's embarrassment, but I didn't realise the OP was as young as 22!

The thing is he seems to be fine around other girls, it just appears to be me!! Oh well!!

My tears of experience suggest to me that he does like you. Especially after your last post.
Your only ' crime' here , is the fact you are just 22.
Don't be embarrassed- you are just fine and he panicked.

Years of experience obviously.
However, tears fit quickly nicely too.

The thing to remember is, your friends were joking. No one really thinks you fancy him OP. Please don't waste anymore time over thinking this.

My tears of experience suggest to me that he does like you. Especially after your last post.

That is what she sees with her eyes it could be perceived differently by him or someone else. We can't suggest he likes her when we don't know him. He could find her annoying for all we know.