To feel a bit humiliated by his reaction

[gembran]

At work today was sitting with a group of people I normally sit with, 5 work friends I guess you could call them - been in the job just over a month and we all started together. All seem really nice. It's a grad scheme so almost has a university freshers feel to it, we're all young and have fun together in our free time.

I was idly chatting about wanting to use my languages more in the workplace. One guy in the group also speaks the same foreign language as I do, both as a second language. I asked him if he got much of a chance to practise and must have looked keen ("I'm loooking for someone to practise with" hint hint) as two of my friends burst out laughing (nicely) and slightly took the mickey, insinuating that I wanted him to do it. Was good-natured though!

He kind of stammered and then said something about how his girlfriend had just started to learn a new language, obviously just trying to shoehorn her name into conversation and make it clear he wasn't available! Feel mortified as I definitely don't fancy him and don't find him attractive in that way at all - was just being friendly and chatty. He then returned to being bantery and friendly

I don't think your friends laughing and taking the mickey helped.

why did he seem so hideously put-off at the thought of us having a bloody chat

My first thought is he isn't a confident user of his 2nd language and doesn't want to be "found out."

Or he's an exceptionally fluent user of those languages and would rather have his teeth pulled than converse with a potentially stuttering non native.

I think the girlfriend comment was directed more at your colleagues than you.

Either way, no biggie.

I'm just a bit curious about why you think your offer was you doing him a kindness?

Yes, I was wondering how asking him if he got a chance to practice his languages was being 'kind'. Unless you mean you were being patronising since he's so unattractive and you're way out of his league or something.

Overthinking, anyway.

That's annoying, but overall it is good that he wants to be clear that the relationship between you is platonic, even if he did it clumsily.

Mentioning a girlfriend really doesn't have to mean "I think you want to shag me so I am warning you off."

But if often does, and in this context it sounds like it does.

A LOT of guys pull this and it's really irritating.

He and your friends sound childish. Its their problem not yours, dont say anything.
If that group of women are going to interpret anything you say as interest in the opposite sex, watch your back.

One time on a training course this guy actually drew me aside at a party to explain seriously and earnestly that he was very sorry but he didn't fancy me and in fact had started something with my best friend and they were both awfully sorry if I was hurt. I didn't even like him let alone fancy him!

Very similar happened to me, I just told the guy straight that not only did I not fancy him I didn't like him and I was baffled why he thought I did.

I think the problem there were your two friends, not you.

It's not a rejection of you, but I can understand why he felt the need to clarify to all that he's not looking for anything because he has a GF.

(Also, attractiveness doesn't often have to do with relationships. You do sound a bit shallow)

You could tell him it'd be great to meet his girlfriend and she could join in the learning languages experience too. That might sound like you want a threesome though........

I watched a male friend do this to a female friend. She was just joking with him - really, really there is absolutely no attraction there at all - but he leapt to the wrong conclusion and held up his hand and pointed to his wedding ring at her.

It was toe-curlingly awful. My female friend has a fine line in swearing, and her reaction showed levels of the highest linguistic creativity.

But isnt that an absolutely standard thing? It certainly is for women: "he seemed interested so I gently dropped my BF into conversation".

I think if this was a reverse, he'd be getting a lot of comments like "its not all about you, shes letting you know in a nice way and youre being unreasonable for being upset or annoyed about it."

You accidentally sounded like you were coming on to him. Friends laughed. He has a girlfriend so mentioned that immediately in a non-confrontational way, just in case. Then he went back to normal. What's up with that? Brush it off. Laugh.

Relative attractiveness is irrelevant. Unless you think that men with girlfriends should accept advances from prettier girls. Or that men who are out of your league should know their place and not be so ridiculous as to assume you were coming on to them when you sound like you were coming on to them.

Unless you think that men with girlfriends should accept advances from prettier girls. Or that men who are out of your league should know their place and not be so ridiculous as to assume you were coming on to them when you sound like you were coming on to them.

This.

Considering all the cheats, it's a good thing he's establishing boundaries early on with people he's meeting.

I don't know how anyone could consider "Oh, you speak Klingon too? Do you get much practise with that?" as any kind of come on. It's hardly worth a panicky reaction from him and sniggering from friends. (Unless the conversation was quite different from what has been posted and possibly involved comedy eye brow wiggling and a Mae West voice.)

Neither of you did anything wrong.

There was nothing wrong with you asking if he got the chance to practice.

There was nothing wrong with him mentioning his girlfriend, in view of the fact the others were good naturedly giving it the 'nudge-nudge, wink-wink'.

I wouldn't give it another thought.

I used to work in an office where we all piled to the pub every Friday night- sometimes we would get something to eat,some weeks not.

One week only me and one other person wanted to eat, so off we went. Very early on in the meal he carefully pointed out that I was not his type. I was gobsmacked as I did not fancy him in the slightest. Such breathtaking arrogance

I think the OP felt rejected. As some have said her ego was bruised because she did not expect him to respond as he did. Maybe she expected him to be really pleased because she is so attractive, as she makes clear herself. That's it.
Re the attractiveness thing, it's not always about conventional "good looks" being attractive. We are attracted to others for all sorts of reasons. Sense of humour and other aspects of personality plays a massive part. At least that has been my experience...

Oh and while I'm here:

practise is a verb
practice is a noun

It's hardly worth a panicky reaction from him and sniggering from friends.

The problem was that the sniggering was first, which then triggered a panicky reaction from him.

What was unwarranted was the sniggering. That's what I'd be annoyed with. I'd probably have a word with your friends and tell them not to do it again.

...play a massive part

"shovetheholly

I watched a male friend do this to a female friend. She was just joking with him - really, really there is absolutely no attraction there at all - but he leapt to the wrong conclusion and held up his hand and pointed to his wedding ring at her.

It was toe-curlingly awful. My female friend has a fine line in swearing, and her reaction showed levels of the highest linguistic creativity. grin"

I am cringing right now at his hilarious reaction. Bet he saved himself for marriage and wore a friendship ring for 10 years first.
Haha

You all sound a bit immature.

And you sound a tad arrogant.

It was just one of those conversations that went in the wrong direction.

Ha Poppy, I covered my bets and spelled it both ways in two different posts. I have similar problems with licence/license!

I feel sorry for this guy. Office gossip can be ridiculous so having rumours go around however false can hardly be a good thing. He's done something loyal to his gf, not OTT, just mentioned her and nipped anything salacious in the butt.