To feel a bit humiliated by his reaction

[gembran]

At work today was sitting with a group of people I normally sit with, 5 work friends I guess you could call them - been in the job just over a month and we all started together. All seem really nice. It's a grad scheme so almost has a university freshers feel to it, we're all young and have fun together in our free time.

I was idly chatting about wanting to use my languages more in the workplace. One guy in the group also speaks the same foreign language as I do, both as a second language. I asked him if he got much of a chance to practise and must have looked keen ("I'm loooking for someone to practise with" hint hint) as two of my friends burst out laughing (nicely) and slightly took the mickey, insinuating that I wanted him to do it. Was good-natured though!

He kind of stammered and then said something about how his girlfriend had just started to learn a new language, obviously just trying to shoehorn her name into conversation and make it clear he wasn't available! Feel mortified as I definitely don't fancy him and don't find him attractive in that way at all - was just being friendly and chatty. He then returned to being bantery and friendly

In the butt?!
I think you mean " in the BUD@.

"in the BUD"

Well the other 2 were giggling so maybe their reaction embarrassed him rather than you hinting at talking languages. He may not like talking in his foreign language as may not be as good as you so started talking about his girlfriend learning to kind of change the subject. I don't think it's a big deal.

I'm looking forward to the day when in my workplace I can talk to a man about the kinds of things I might talk to female colleagues about, and which male colleagues certainly talk to male colleagues about, and it not being misconstrued as being about shagging ('nudge, nudge, wink, wink, you know what I mean, you know what I mean'). Honestly. You were keen about practicing a language. Others inappropriately interpreted that as you wanting a shag (in my view they were immature and out of line). He got embarrassed and handled it badly. Imagine this in a world where gender and sex mattered less and we could haev conversations without innuendo being presumed. It would be seen for what it was - a conversation between colleagues about a possible mutual interest. Really.

I would like to blame autocorrect here, but in reality it was probably more my idiocy. My point still stands, regardless of what the OP does with her butt.

Hmm I think his comment was aiming at the sniggering colleagues more than anything tbh.

I bet everyone else involved has totally forgotten about this exchange and I think you should try and put it out of your mind too.

You mentioned that your new job has a "university freshers feel to it" - sounds very like my first job and my advice would be just bear in mind that it's not uni any more, it's work.

Wow. Patronising or what.

What's patronising Poppy?
I think you come across as quite patronising tbh.

I would suspect he just wants to fit in with the rest of the ppl at workplace and doesn't want to appear 'different' by having to talk to you in a different language. Not everyone feels comfortable making it obvious that they're from somewhere else. My guess is he would feel awkward practicing the language which is not understood by ppl sitting/working next to him.

I have just been looking for the clip from the Fast Show where the guy thinks everyone fancies him but I can't find it!

To those saying I'm arrogant because I said I was fairly attractive, sorry I don't know why I said it. I am nothing special, I certainly don't consider it, I just said it to provide context!

I think the issue is that the two friends made it something it wasn't, or the Ops tone made it sound like something it wasn't.

He might have assumed it was a come on either from the friends reaction, the ops tone or both.

The fact that OP says that she was doing him a kindness, when she was actually asking him for a favour says a lot imo.

As does the fact that she is shocked he made it clear he wasn't interested, based on the fact that she is more attractive.

I think it's possible she came across wrong which is why the friends made a joke of it. He became uncomfortable and tried to head it off, ops ego is bruised.

Just one of those things. I can not see how any of it is his fault.

Get over it and get over yourself

I think it was the fact that you made it clear you were attractive and he wasn't. That and the fact you clearly thought he should fancy you.

I didn't think that. I don't know why I mentioned it, it's probably not even true, it's a defensive thing because I'm insecure about how I loook (I've actually not had a boyfriend yet, I'm 22) and just feel really slighted and hurt when people respond to innocent comments in such a way.

There have been so many times when men may or may not have been hitting on me and I have responded to them with a smile, with impeccable politeness.

I am overreacting

Just resent the way it had to be such a big deal that he has a girlfriend, I do not care

You need thicker skin don't worry about it he's probably forgotten the whole thing by now. I used to worry about silly things and then as you get older and start a family well thats where the real worries begin. You have done nothing wrong and he's done nothing wrong. Move on its not a big deal it may feel like that but its not.

Don't you think that maybe your friends behaviour had something to do with the way he reacted though gembran?
He may have thought they were having a laugh at his expense, and was embarrassed.

Seems like you do care an awful lot about something. Is this a case of the lady doth protest too much?

He told you he practices his language with his girlfriend. He doesn't want to practice with you. What's the big deal? Find a language club to practice at.

You're overthinking this OP.

Humiliated is a big word.

Would it not have been better to converse in your mutual second language? That way no one would have known what you were saying.

I agree with others that you are over thinking this and I don't really get why you were humiliated. He was probably just responding to the childish sniggering of your colleagues but even if he did think you fancy him, so what? It's not a rejection (for all you know he may have been interested if he didn't have a girlfriend) but even if it was, why does it matter?

I can't see where he made a big deal of saying he had a girlfriend.