to be annoyed that my MIL goes in my room?!

[lightsussex]

Firstly, this isn't a MIL bashing thread, well, I don't mean to be! We do all tend to get on. They live far away, so she can stay for a while to spend time for GC. Thats all fine. However, when she is here she will go in our room and tidy up - basically go through the wash basket, put clothes away, take clothes out of the wardrobe to iron them (I rarely iron!). Once, she forgot to bring her face moisturiser, I was about to say 'borrow mine' but she said 'luckily I found yours in your bedside table'.....

DH doesn't really see it as a issue but I can't cope with it, just hate the thought of her going through my things and sorting stuff out. DH has said not to say anything as she can be 'sensitive' and is 'just trying to help'. I'd prefer her to spend the time playing with the kids, rather than going through my dirty washing!! AIBU?!

Nope. Absolutely not. Just because she is his mother doesnt mean she can treat you both like children.

Can you lock your door?

YANBU, by the way.

YANBU in the slightest. That's very inappropriate.

Put a lock on the door.

I would hate that. Yadnbu

Yanbu we used to have this with bil-just walking into our room going through our shared wardrobe to get a top or rooting through our things to see if he could find something. I put a key lock on the door-he still didn't take the hint. Dh also asked me not to say anything at the time as he's 'sensitive' imo that's just code for an adult who tantrums when they don't get their own way, which he did do when I expressly asked him to stop going in our room...after the tears he did stop though.

Does she have daughters? And if so, does she do the same to them?

I closed the door last time she was here but that wasn't enough of a hint. She had emptied out our bag from our night away. It was tucked away, round the side of the bed, cos I thought she wouldn't see it there!! ...I sometimes feel embarrassed, as she must just think I'm so messy/lazy!!

Throwing a strop at not being able to access someone else's private space is just bonkers.

Mine took to sleeping in our bed during the day. Found her in my bed when I had to come home early. Oh, she won't be stepping foot in my room anymore. I made sure of that. YANBU! Put an end to this soon, or you will never be able to stop her.

Things like this, I think you just tell people straight out, politely. So bite the bullet and say "I don't want you to go in our room please, MIL. I appreciate you are doing things to help, but it is very much our private space." Stick to that simple message no matter what she says in reply. She may always have done it to/for DH, but he's married to you now and that changes things. It isn't just a rule for her, it applies to your parents, etc

If she cries, say "I'm really sorry you are upset, but I am not budging on this. It isn't a reflection on you, it is just something that's important to me." And repeat and repeat.

Nope nope nope, my MIL provides a lot of childcare and cleans a lot when she's here, she never goes in our room though and it's how it should be that's your private space.

Yes, leave a gimp costume on your bed, like you're planning to wear it later. Or your DH is.

"Mil, it's lovely having you here. Please don't go into our room for anything, I keep that room private"

Say it with a big smile and a firm tone. Repeatedly until she gets it.

And speak to your DH again. Privacy from visitors is very important.

Leave her a pile of laundry in the kitchen ready next time

And yes - skanky things around the room to see what it takes to embarrass her

OMG takesnoprisoners I don;t think she'd sleep in our bed!

Noodle

May I suggest one of these if a lock isn't a option?

I had similar with my MIl, she offered to clean the house whilst we were on holiday (so far so good) except when we returned home I discovered she had thrown away ALL of our bedding, duvet, pillows, sheets, the lot. And replaced everything with cheap nasty polyester crap and some questionable silver satin bedding......
It took years for me to get my pillows 'just right' !
I went apeshit, she totally crossed the line.

What have you done up until this point? My answer depends on that.

Ha, yes I shall leave out lots of embarrassing things although I have a feel either she wouldn't care or probably not never notice! Glad I'm not being unreasonable. DH really doesn't care but I think it cos she has always tidied up after him and she treats me the same.

Oh god, PatMullins, that looks like it would belong in a museum of torture!

I understand how you feel, when my DP and I were away for a weekend my MIL went into our bedroom put our pillows in the outside bin and replaced them with pillows she thought were better.

I've never found a pillow I like since the ones she chucked out