To expect DH to shower more than twice a month

[IsItJustFuck1ngMe]

As the title goes really. DH has become very shower averse now there is a slight nip in the air, and has confessed to a shower hiatus extending to 12 days . Has dispensed with regular full showers in favour of a 'whores wash' in the sink.

Maintains he is clean, I disagree and thinking of picking him up and putting him in the shower. DAILY. Regardless of screams and tantrums.

I'm not BU am I? . Unless in fact is a gremlins and melts???

This makes me feel physically unwell. Just gross.

I came on to suggest MH / depression , that's how I get, use up all my energy caring for the kids & have none left for self care

I need to nag my adult husband into showering. He'll wash himself once a week, with reminding, and anything beyond that needs nagging. Yes, MH issues. He's a lovely man, but seriously lacking in motivation in self care. But it's also a learnt habit. MIL only washes once a week, and DH and his brothers used to share a bath once a week when growing up, as anything else was wasteful. He got better as a young adult, but old habits come back when he's depressed.

I've been reading to him bits from this thread this morning, while boil washing our sheets again (sweaty with a skid mark!). At least I think he'll have motivation to shower tonight...

Id certainly not be sharing a bed with someone that unclean.

That is vile I hope you have separate bedrooms.

I'm kind of the other end of the spectrum myself. I have OCD traits and get very very anxious if I can't have a good wash in the morning. Usually another one in the evening. It's not that rare that I hop into a third shower in the middle of the day if I get very anxious. I know it's completely unnecessary and my skin gets very dry. I just feel "unclean".

Some people genuinely don't smell of BO if they don't use deodorant. I think it's genetic. (Sadly I'm not one of them.) They still reek if they don't wash though.

Posted too soon.

They just smell of arse crack and smoke etc, instead.

Hope this doesn't come across as insensitive or rude to your DP or anyone, but I read recently that poor personal hygiene can be an early sign of depression - is he otherwise ok in himself?

If he's fine, buy him some Molton Brown and a Brillo pad and make him use it!

That's disgusting. Shove the grimy bugger in a warm bath.

I thought the thread was going to read 'to expect dh to shower more than twice a week' and even then, I thought that was quite gross!

Never heard anything like it, the musty smell must be really quite bad. I smell musty myself after about three days, even with a pits and bits wash...and I'm not a sweaty person.

When I broke my ankle I couldn't shower for 8 weeks. It was grim. I had to stay downstairs on the sofa bed and wash in the downstairs loo - I put lots of towels down and got dh to pour water over me, i felt so grubby. The feeling after I could get up to the shower was awesome.

He's being revolting. A daily shower is personal hygiene 101, my teens know that!

my ds is on the spectrum.
he struggles with showering/bathing/hairwashing.
he is 12.
I am dinning into him that he MUST wash each day (shower/bath/hairasneeded)

there was a good thread I started recently with some top ideas of how to persuade him.
I'm not sure how to link but I'll try.

For my ds, it is genuine sensory issues.
However, I did once work with someone simply too arrogant to care if he stank. He was 'too busy' to bother with such commonplace stuff. He stank like a polecat.

Only you will know which category your H falls into.

Absolutely gross. I am actually struggling to believe it. It makes me wonder whether he has undiagnosed mental health problems? Personal hygiene (or lack of) is often a tell tale sign not all is well.

Gwen you keep moving the goalposts by making general statements, reading replies and then applying them personally to the OP's DH. That makes your argument a bit of a nonsense.

Just one example. You said.... "The people who smell on public transport are those who don't use deodorant."

When I replied....."Not showering but using deodorant, just makes you smell like someone who hasn't showered the stale sweat off and tried to cover it with deodorant."

You then replied with, " The man washes his pits"

YANBU. That is rank.

A shower every day is not essential and not what the majority of the world do. Twice a month is obviously the other extreme but I only shower/bathe three times a week and I don't smell.

I would start by telling to wash once a week on a Sunday and then build it up from there so that a routine is established. It is annoying that sometimes it feels like we are mothering our dh but if they were never taught by there own mothers it can be hard for them to get used to it.
That's not saying that some people even though they weren't taught don't just clean daily anyway.

As childish as this sounds, I would get his towel and clean pants ready for him and tell him the showers ready, literally leading him to it. Then repeat once a week until he starts to do it for himself. Then do it twice a week. It does also sound like MH issues in which case small changes and a routine may help.
I seem to read a lot of threads about dps poor hygiene be it teeth brushing or washing.

I hope you have separate bedrooms because I sure as hell wouldn't share a bed with him!

A shower every day is not essential and not what the majority of the world do.

It's clearly culturally defined. Expectations of what's socially acceptable will differ according to where and when you are.

In 21st century British society, as we've seen on this thread, a daily shower (or similar if you don't have access to one) is a cultural expectation.

Eurgh. YANBU, OP. The absolutely bare minimum is three times a week, for anyone and that presupposes a non-active lifestyle non-smelly food, and optimal weather conditions! In practice, few people can get away with that!

It's a tangent, but "cleanus whorus" is pretend Latin. It's more clearly a joke in context (urban dictionary). It is absolutely not genuine Latin for "to wash in between having sexual relations".

weegie - for me it was 6 weeks and I had a very elaborate system for washing, I know the feeling. After I was recovering from a broken back, when I was first home various people were here looking after me and I could hear them willing me to get out of the shower because they were so scared of me falling over, but I was like "ooh shower" - even if the pain was worse for hours because of the standing up!

Byefelisha to be honest that is just way too much mothering for me to stomach.

I'd be saying to DH; 'get in the shower you bloody stinky arse'.

Mine showers twice a day, costs a fortune in electricity.

Byefelisha's method is something I do with DH when he's in the depths of depression and wouldn't even get out of bed without lots of encouragement. I have lots of patience and understanding at those times. I wouldn't do that when he's more than able to do stuff himself. I don't want to feel like his mum.