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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's polite to say hi and bye when you're arriving/leaving my home?

181 replies

Itrytoohard · 03/10/2016 14:10

I'm fully prepared to be told I am BU based on DS1s looks he gave me Grin but it's been bugging me.

DS2s girlfriend came over late last night, about 10:30ish and didn't say anything as she stood in the hall whilst ds talked to me then ran off upstairs without saying a word. She then came down at almost midnight in her tiny pyjama shorts and Tshirt to say hello and apologise for not saying hi almost an hour and a half ago and said she had to go upstairs and get changed because she was freezing. Yes I'm sure she was so cold she couldnt pop her head round the door and say hello because she had to change out of her freezing cold coat, jumper and leggings into her shorts. Hmm

I wasn't expecting her to come sit with us and chat for hours, no. I knew she wouldn't because me, DP, DS1, his girlfriend and DD were taking up the 2 sofas and she's a total bitch a bit fussy when all the sofas were taken up and expects someone to sit on the floor so she can sit down I just wanted a hello.

Then an hour ago she left for college and didn't even say goodbye. I didn't know she had left until DD said her ped wasn't outside anymore.

I just feel it's rude.

Also, I don't dislike her. I understand my post might look that way but I just needed to vent and she's doing my ducking head in at he mo.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itrytoohard · 03/10/2016 20:58

I'm sorry mathsmum but your comment is ridiculous 🙄 If they don't want to follow the one rule I have and be polite then they can find someone else to live. Considering he is earning £500 a month I don't think it's possible. 😂

OP posts:
mathsmum314 · 03/10/2016 21:21

Itrytoohard, I am not saying he SHOULDNT follow your rule. I am saying if he pays rent he has rights. I have never seen a legal document with a clause about saying hello and goodbye every time you enter/leave the house. If you dont like how he (or his guests) behave why don't you evict him? And they are his guests, not yours because he pays rent.

Original poster
Itrytoohard · 03/10/2016 21:26

He doesn't pay rent yet though, he hasn't the whole time there has been an issue and he won't pay for another month or 2.

Evict my son? Are you for real. That wouldn't be evicting him that would be ruining our relationship. He is a 17 year old with £500 a month. How is he supposed to survive.

Legal document? I don't have a legal document with my fucking son. 😂 It's just basic manners.

OP posts:
Omgkitties · 03/10/2016 21:28

mathsmum314 How old are your kids?

Ninasimoneinthemorning · 03/10/2016 21:32

mathsmum what have you been sniffing? Grin

FrancisCrawford · 03/10/2016 21:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mathsmum314 · 03/10/2016 21:47

OP, I am confused I thought you said your DS1 was 19 and paying rent.

I can see it sounds harsh to evict your son but I am meaning it in the sense of a reality check ie if you and your gf dont respect me then go and have a look at what the real world looks like and then come back and get down on your hands and knees thanking me for providing a roof over your head.

Original poster
Itrytoohard · 03/10/2016 21:54

Yes DS1 is 19 and pays rent, his girlfriend is 18 and not the one we have an issue with.

DS2 is 17 and only got payed for the first time last week. I've given him a couple of months of not paying me anything so he can get the things wants such as clothes, things for his gf and a few days out or to save. His girlfriend is the one with issues.

OP posts:
Smrendell · 03/10/2016 21:59

Could the problem possibly be with the other girlfriend?

Not necessarily the girlfriend actually having done something wrong but maybe jealousy?

amicissimma · 03/10/2016 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Amethyst81 · 03/10/2016 22:00

Yes I think she is being rude, all it takes is a quick hello! She's obviously not just popping in if she's bringing other clothes to change into, so if she is staying in your house you should get a bit of respect, especially if she knows you quite well, it can't be a shy, first meeting the parents type thing. I don't think YABU.

Original poster
Itrytoohard · 03/10/2016 22:10

smrendell I wouldn't be surprised tbh. I've thought it ever since GF1 came into the picture and that's why I've tried to have a bit more one to one time with her that I do the other girl. I can't make GF1 an outcast just to make gf2 happy though.

OP posts:
Shemozzle · 03/10/2016 22:16

I think you have strange expectations! I don't think every family always says goodbye every single time they leave the house and I only would in that situation if they were passing you on the way out.

Original poster
Itrytoohard · 03/10/2016 22:26

She was passing me though. Both times she had to walk right past the room I was in.

And how exactly is a polite hi "weird expections"?

OP posts:
mathsmum314 · 03/10/2016 22:36

I don't think 'hi' is a weird expectation. But its just not an expectation everyone has. I know plenty of people that walk past me without saying hi or bye. Maybe because I live in a big city and grew up in a big family, its just not that important to say hi and bi to everyone all day everyday.

In this case can't it just be a difference of expectations and leave it at that?

If not why dont you just tell her she has to say hello to you every time she enters the house and goodbye every time she leaves?

MargaretCavendish · 03/10/2016 22:41

I would guess that she was hiding something and so didn't want you to see her when she first came in. Either she wasn't appropriately dressed or she was drunk or she smelt of fags or weed or she'd been crying. Possibly her and your son had been arguing.

Ragwort · 04/10/2016 14:41

Do both your sons live at home with their girlfriends? Do you have a mansion? Grin

I find it odd that you consider this acceptable, why do they all have to live with you?

Please don't let them all take you for granted.

Original poster
Itrytoohard · 05/10/2016 13:54

No the girlfriends don't live here. Even so if 17 and 18 year old girls lived with me there would probably be a good reason and hardly "unacceptable" Hmm

OP posts:
Donthateprocreate · 05/10/2016 14:01

I wouldn't bother with her anymore tbh. It isn't hard, no matter how cold she was, to have just poked her head around the door and said hello then explained she is just going to run upstairs to change as she's cold, she didn't have to chat for ages. I don't think my children would even let their friends go with out a quick hello/goodbye.

Just stay polite with her but forget the one on one time with her, taking her out and paying for her things.

I would also have a word about manors and what you expect from your kids and their friends in your home.

Original poster
Itrytoohard · 05/10/2016 17:33

I did speak to DS last night after Monday when his girlfriend kept giving the other girl dirty looks and tutting/rolling eyes when she spoke and told us DS is no longer allowed to order in McDonald's as a girl she doesn't like and he does works there Hmm (she thought it was funny and we would laugh, we did to be polite but none of us were impressed obviously.) and then yesterday started shouting at him down the phone and writing nasty status about him on Facebook when he told her he was going to hang out at home for a few hours before going to hers.

He told me she is doing his head in too and she's just super stressed out as her best friend has left college now and she doesn't like any of the other girls seems to be a theme of her not liking girls doesn't there Apparently she came down in the end on Sunday because he had told her she was really rude. I did explain to him that it still doesn't make her being rude okay, if she isn't feeling up to talking to us she can just say a quick hello and then go upstairs. I've also told him that she can't turn up at 10 at night and go straight to bed then leave again first thing in the morning. If they are spending the night here then they need to be here by 7/8ish at the latest, I'm not running a hotel. Obviously making exceptions for when she's working late.

Surprisingly he was actually calm and nice about it all and apologised to GF1 for the looks and tutting.

So new rules hopefully everyone will follow;

  1. Saying hello and goodbye when coming and going. That includes 16 year old DD through to 50 year old DP.
  2. All 3 can have as many sleepovers here as they like but have to be home at least 2 nights a week and if bringing people over no rocking up at bed time.
  3. If someone has something to say about someone in the room say it or keep quite. No tutting, eye rolling, nasty looks, sly comments. Another rule that applies to all of us.

Hopefully our house will be a happy, peaceful place now.

OP posts:
MuffyTheUmpireSlayer · 05/10/2016 17:51

Sounds like a good plan itry.

Smrendell · 05/10/2016 19:45

when his girlfriend kept giving the other girl dirty looks and tutting/rolling eyes when she spoke
DS is no longer allowed to order in McDonald's as a girl she doesn't like and he does works there
shouting at him down the phone and writing nasty status about him on Facebook when he told her he was going to hang out at home for a few hours before going to hers.
she can't turn up at 10 at night and go straight to bed then leave again first thing in the morning

Fuck me. All that along with what we've already been told about her it's no wonder your DD doesn't like and you aren't keen ATM. She sounds god awful and I could never imagine being that rude towards any one let alone my future in laws!

Donthateprocreate · 05/10/2016 19:50

Sounds like you've got a good plan there OP. I agree she sounds bloody awful. Grin Congrats to you for not loosing your cool.

Hopefully it all works out for you now. If not, perhaps we will see you on future threads haha.

Original poster
Itrytoohard · 05/10/2016 20:02

They got home 2 minutes ago at 7:58 so one day we've had the rule and they are already pushing their luck.

Yeah, she is a real pain atm!

OP posts:
Donthateprocreate · 05/10/2016 20:53

Well do you have punishments if they don't follow the rules? Tell them they were pushing their luck today and next time it happens they'll get chosen punishment.

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