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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's polite to say hi and bye when you're arriving/leaving my home?

181 replies

Itrytoohard · 03/10/2016 14:10

I'm fully prepared to be told I am BU based on DS1s looks he gave me Grin but it's been bugging me.

DS2s girlfriend came over late last night, about 10:30ish and didn't say anything as she stood in the hall whilst ds talked to me then ran off upstairs without saying a word. She then came down at almost midnight in her tiny pyjama shorts and Tshirt to say hello and apologise for not saying hi almost an hour and a half ago and said she had to go upstairs and get changed because she was freezing. Yes I'm sure she was so cold she couldnt pop her head round the door and say hello because she had to change out of her freezing cold coat, jumper and leggings into her shorts. Hmm

I wasn't expecting her to come sit with us and chat for hours, no. I knew she wouldn't because me, DP, DS1, his girlfriend and DD were taking up the 2 sofas and she's a total bitch a bit fussy when all the sofas were taken up and expects someone to sit on the floor so she can sit down I just wanted a hello.

Then an hour ago she left for college and didn't even say goodbye. I didn't know she had left until DD said her ped wasn't outside anymore.

I just feel it's rude.

Also, I don't dislike her. I understand my post might look that way but I just needed to vent and she's doing my ducking head in at he mo.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itrytoohard · 03/10/2016 14:34

Why do you expect her so to come and say hello to you, its your DS that she has come to see?

Because she's in my house, eating my food, spending my money when she wants something. I just polite isn't it?

OP posts:
Smrendell · 03/10/2016 14:36

Just ignore her. Don't cook for her, don't buy her things, don't acknowledge her. Treat her how she is you. Why should she get things for you if she's not polite enough to say a quick hello and bye.

Mozfan1 · 03/10/2016 14:38

Itry no they don't have to move. But it does come across as if you purposely want to make her feel unwelcome. From your posts it's clear there's a massive drip feed to come (or not as the case may be) you are just picking and choosing what we tell you so how can anyone give proper advice? If she's such a bitch then don't let her in your house fgs.

Mozfan1 · 03/10/2016 14:39

Sorry that was supposed to read 'you're just picking and choosing what you tell us'

(I gathered this from your comment- 'but that's for another thread...')

Mozfan1 · 03/10/2016 14:41

Why does the other girlfriend get a seat and not her? Honestly if you're making it that petty then try and see it from an 18 year old girls POV

Original poster
Itrytoohard · 03/10/2016 14:42

I don't mean to drip feed, this isn't looks for advice on how to deal with her. Just to see how others would feel. I don't think she's a bitch, she just isn't very nice about the sofa stuff. Most the time I'll make DS1 move for her to sit down but that's not a choice when he's already sat on the floor and I'm mot making his girlfriend more and if I make DD move she'll just storm off. She already isn't GF2s biggest fan.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itrytoohard · 03/10/2016 14:43

Why does the other girlfriend get a seat and not her?

Because she was sat there first. If gf2 was sat there first and Gf1 came in she would just sit in the floor or being a chair from dinning room in. No problem.

OP posts:
Chopstick17 · 03/10/2016 14:43

I would go to the door when she arrives and say "Hi" to her then she can't really duck out. Can you not ask your DS to let you know when she's leaving so you can see her out/say bye? credit to her for coming down later to say hello. She must have felt bad or was told to by your DS. I think it's just teenage awkwardness but I get that it's annoying and seems rude.

Ragwort · 03/10/2016 14:43

Are you the same OP that had a complicated situation with the DS's girlfriends not liking each other?

trufflepiggy · 03/10/2016 14:45

What else has the girlfriend done that has made you annoyed at her?

trufflepiggy · 03/10/2016 14:45

What else has the girlfriend done that has made you annoyed at her?

Lweji · 03/10/2016 14:45

a) is she pregnant or hiding something from you?

b) Did she arrive at 10:30 with DS, or alone? Why were you talking with DS and not her? Did you acknowledge her?

If it's the case of having too many people around for the seating you have in the living room, have you considered arranging more seating? Footstools or pouffes, or something like that?

Mozfan1 · 03/10/2016 14:46

But op it's hard to know how I would feel as there's no back ground and throughout the thread you've hinted she's got form. If it was a one off you could assume she was having a bad day, but you seem to have issues with her beyond this. And fwiw you may not like it but my sons would be hauling their arses on the floor so the girls could sit down. But that's just me.

Original poster
Itrytoohard · 03/10/2016 14:46

chopstick I do ask DS to let me know but most the time he doesn't. I think he told her to come say hi though and DD had shouted up "hi xxxxxx" when we realised she wasn't coming down anytime soon which I did tell her off for.

OP posts:
mathsmum314 · 03/10/2016 14:47

If your anything like me then you want your children to feel like its their home, do you ask your children to say hello and goodbye every time they go in and out, or have food etc. She is a guest of your DS and you should be asking him for rent, or imposing house rules if you don't like the arrangement.

Coming from a big family if all the children and their friends had to chase around the house looking for me and then my DP to say hello and goodbye every time they came in or out of the house I would have been pissed off.

Its not a big deal, certainly not rude. I would call it normal.

Original poster
Itrytoohard · 03/10/2016 14:47

And fwiw you may not like it but my sons would be hauling their arses on the floor so the girls could sit down

They do, DS1 was already on the floor and as I said up thread a bit Most the time I'll make DS1 move for her to sit down

OP posts:
Chopstick17 · 03/10/2016 14:48

Coming from a big family if all the children and their friends had to chase around the house looking for me and then my DP to say hello and goodbye every time they came in or out of the house I would have been pissed off.
You obviously live in a big house! Can't miss us in our house lol

Mozfan1 · 03/10/2016 14:49

Fair enough. I still think there's more to it than the seating thing. Just don't let her in your house if she's really stressing you that much.

Original poster
Itrytoohard · 03/10/2016 14:49

do you ask your children to say hello and goodbye every time they go in and out

Yes and they do as I thought that's just what you do. I don't ask her to look for me, I was sat in the lounge. If she hadn't had to walk past to get upstairs and had to go out of her way to find me then I wouldn't of minded.

OP posts:
Lweji · 03/10/2016 14:50

If your anything like me then you want your children to feel like its their home, do you ask your children to say hello and goodbye every time they go in and out, or have food etc

Interesting.

In my family, we usually tell people we're going out or say something when we arrive. Particularly if we've been away all day.
It's nice to say something, and it helps knowing who's in or not.

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 03/10/2016 14:50

Ragwort I was wondering that too

StarOnTheTree · 03/10/2016 14:50

If there are no seats left then people sit on the floor so YANBU about that.

I'm not bothered about the DC's friends or boyfriends specifically saying hello or goodbye to me. It's a big house and they'd have to find me first Grin

If I was there when they arrived or they were leaving I'd say hello or goodbye anyway. I think YABU if they need to find you in order to do this.

Original poster
Itrytoohard · 03/10/2016 14:51

And DS1 does pay rent and so will DS2 soon but he only got his first pay this month. Nowhere did I mention rent so why assume they aren't paying it?

OP posts:
trufflepiggy · 03/10/2016 14:51

It honestly sounds like you just really dislike her OP and I think she probably knows that.

What do you like about her?

Mozfan1 · 03/10/2016 14:52

If he's paying to live there then does he have to make him and his guests known to you whenever they arrive or leave? You said you buy their things and give them money op I think that's where the confusion has come from