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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's polite to say hi and bye when you're arriving/leaving my home?

181 replies

Itrytoohard · 03/10/2016 14:10

I'm fully prepared to be told I am BU based on DS1s looks he gave me Grin but it's been bugging me.

DS2s girlfriend came over late last night, about 10:30ish and didn't say anything as she stood in the hall whilst ds talked to me then ran off upstairs without saying a word. She then came down at almost midnight in her tiny pyjama shorts and Tshirt to say hello and apologise for not saying hi almost an hour and a half ago and said she had to go upstairs and get changed because she was freezing. Yes I'm sure she was so cold she couldnt pop her head round the door and say hello because she had to change out of her freezing cold coat, jumper and leggings into her shorts. Hmm

I wasn't expecting her to come sit with us and chat for hours, no. I knew she wouldn't because me, DP, DS1, his girlfriend and DD were taking up the 2 sofas and she's a total bitch a bit fussy when all the sofas were taken up and expects someone to sit on the floor so she can sit down I just wanted a hello.

Then an hour ago she left for college and didn't even say goodbye. I didn't know she had left until DD said her ped wasn't outside anymore.

I just feel it's rude.

Also, I don't dislike her. I understand my post might look that way but I just needed to vent and she's doing my ducking head in at he mo.

OP posts:
mathsmum314 · 03/10/2016 14:53

If she hadn't had to walk past to get upstairs and had to go out of her way to find me then I wouldn't of minded

She is still young, why don't you just say hi to her and then she will learn to reciprocate? I see its a big deal to you but for youngsters today its not.

MargotLovedTom · 03/10/2016 14:53

Another thread which makes me feel ancient! Wink When I was that age if I stayed at my bf's (which might me one night at the weekend) I was expected to stay in the spare room, and my bf sleeping at my house just wasn't on the cards because we didn't have a spare room.
I don't think you're being unreasonable to expect basic manners and courtesy. It's bizarre that she's gone off hand just in the last couple of months though.

Mozfan1 · 03/10/2016 14:53

(Btw that is a genuine question, not goady. If it's one of the house rules, it's one of the rules and fair enough)

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 03/10/2016 14:54

DS1's GF doesn't necessarily say hello or goodbye either. She has anxiety problems however, and with her it is more extreme shyness than rudeness.

DS1 has Asperger's and is also quite socially awkward - they are great together, very sweet, but GF can often come and go without me knowing she's even been here. Often, I'll only know because she's left her shoes by the front door Grin.

I wouldn't appreciate rudeness in my home however, if I felt that is what it was. I would however, offer a guest a seat.

Original poster
Itrytoohard · 03/10/2016 14:54

Ragwort No I'm not, they seem to get on fine. Just don't talk much.

OP posts:
SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 03/10/2016 14:54

Sorry - way too many "however"s!

Hullygully · 03/10/2016 14:55

Yes of course it is polite to do so.

Just basic good manners.

passmethewineplease · 03/10/2016 14:56

Maybe you've been pissing her off as well?

Clearly something more has gone on.

passmethewineplease · 03/10/2016 14:56

Maybe you've been pissing her off as well?

Clearly something more has gone on.

Notso · 03/10/2016 14:57

On the face of it this is a meh as fuck issue. She zoned out or whatever on arrival and realised later and apologised.
The sofa thing maybe in her family everyone moves for guests or maybe she just hates sitting on the floor. Do you not have dining/emergency chairs to bring in?

It sounds like it's more than this post though.

Original poster
Itrytoohard · 03/10/2016 14:57

Mozfan1 Yeah, I do expect them to say a quick hi and goodbye just so I know who's here and who isn't. I don't have many rules but that is one of them. DS2 only been working one month and got payed for the first time last week that's why I pay for things.

It wouldn't be an issue if she was a new girlfriend or had always been like it. But she's been around for 2 years, basically lives here and has only recently started to act different.

OP posts:
Mozfan1 · 03/10/2016 14:59

Right there's your answer then. You tell both your sons and daughter that guests must respect your rules of making themselves known to you. If they don't, they can't have people round. That way there's no ambiguity and your not singling out anyone's boyfriend or girlfriend.

storminabuttercup · 03/10/2016 14:59

I think there's clearly more to it that this post suggests, did you say hello when she came in? I always welcome people in with a greeting if you didn't say hello maybe she didnt know what to say. As for saying goodbye were you up? Are you just expecting a goodbye or a thank you for letting her stay etc?

storminabuttercup · 03/10/2016 14:59

I think there's clearly more to it that this post suggests, did you say hello when she came in? I always welcome people in with a greeting if you didn't say hello maybe she didnt know what to say. As for saying goodbye were you up? Are you just expecting a goodbye or a thank you for letting her stay etc?

storminabuttercup · 03/10/2016 14:59

I think there's clearly more to it that this post suggests, did you say hello when she came in? I always welcome people in with a greeting if you didn't say hello maybe she didnt know what to say. As for saying goodbye were you up? Are you just expecting a goodbye or a thank you for letting her stay etc?

storminabuttercup · 03/10/2016 14:59

I think there's clearly more to it that this post suggests, did you say hello when she came in? I always welcome people in with a greeting if you didn't say hello maybe she didnt know what to say. As for saying goodbye were you up? Are you just expecting a goodbye or a thank you for letting her stay etc?

Omgkitties · 03/10/2016 15:00

Maybe you've been pissing her off as well?
Probably, I don't doubt it tbh. Doesn't mean rudeness is okay and if the OP is pissing her off maybe she shouldn't comes time in her home.

Clearly something more has gone on.

Yea, the op has said multiple times and always said her DD doesn't like the girlfriend.

littlemissneela · 03/10/2016 15:00

I always say hi and bye to my kids friends. They sometimes come across as rude, but I think its just shyness. I remember being painfully shy around friends parents.
I also say hi and bye to my kids, and they do the same with us. I think its common curtesy to do so, so at least you know who is in the house. A few times I have been out and chatted to dh about buying takeaway for dinner and asked if ds was home, to which he said no. So I then texted ds to see if he would be back for dnner, and it turned out he had been up in his room for a few hours!
As for the seat thing, I would say to her to get a chair from the dining room. Maybe she doesn't feel comfortable doing so.
I wouldn't stop doing things for her, though maybe stop buying her stuff. That would just accentuate the difference she might perceive you see between her and your other ds gf.

Butterpuff · 03/10/2016 15:01

There must have been some odd reason she didn't say hello initially surely. I mean, if she went to the bother of coming down later and apologizing for not saying hello to start with. Or am I misreading.

As for saying goodbye, if you didn't even notice she had gone then maybe you were not about when she left and she didn't have time to run round the house looking for you to day goodbye.

Yep its polite to say hello and goodbye.

FinallyHere · 03/10/2016 15:01

It seems natural to me, to say hello and goodbye, but I have had to train DH to say hello on arrival and goodbye when he goes out. Sigh.

Ninasimoneinthemorning · 03/10/2016 15:01

Tbh I think you should get off the sofa for her. She's a guest

Grin Grin Grin

That line is belting! As if!

op she is being rude and snotty. I'd take to saying 'oh hello you not speaking today? '

Gribbie · 03/10/2016 15:02

What's a ped?

Original poster
Itrytoohard · 03/10/2016 15:03

I think there's clearly more to it that this post suggests, did you say hello when she came in?

Yeah I did, I didn't know she was there until
I heard her say "I'm going upstairs" then I just said oh hi sorry, didn't realise you were there.

As for saying goodbye were you up? Are you just expecting a goodbye or a thank you for letting her stay etc?

Yes, I was. Just a I'm off now bye is all I want.

OP posts:
Mozfan1 · 03/10/2016 15:04

Ped=moped

FinallyHere · 03/10/2016 15:04

It seems natural to me, to say hello and goodbye, but I have had to train DH to say hello on arrival and goodbye when he goes out. I think I know how you feel about this. Could you mention it to her, 'I'd really appreciate it, if you would say hello ... ' to give her a chance to comply with the house rules'?