To be grateful for my good looks

[Trefoil]

In very difficult times, being good looking has helped me soldier on

op reading your replies you are obviously going through something, care to share? we could probably give you better advice

Sounds like you're struggling Trefoil, and have focused on your physical appearance to detract from whatever is bothering you. Would it be better to share the problem and maybe we can suggest ways of helping you deal with whatever it is?

Samantha stop it now.

Just had a really bad couple of years and feeling full of regrets, Emma.

is it too late to get the person back? have they moved on?

Yes I think it's too late to get the person back. I asked person to meet, if person doesn't want to , I haven't heard anything - I have to let them go....

You only need the light when it's burning low
You only know you love her when you let her go...
And I let her go... (to paraphrase one of my favourite songs)

You really can't get much more superficial - I would be infinitely more grateful to be intelligent or artistic etc.

Well, why did it end?

Sometimes we only remember the good things, but we end relationships for good reasons.

I didn't end it as such - I was just busy sorting myself out and it just kind of drifted. I blame myself for not having been more on the ball.

This thread is really weird

I wonder what gets the rest of us through? When times are tough, if you haven't got good looks to rely on, what do you rely on?

Trying to think, re me.

I would second getting a cat. You won't be grateful that you have it , but you'll be grateful that you're not as big a bastard as the cat.

It must be nice to be good-looking. I've never had the pleasure. I make do with being cheerful and resilient, which helps when you're unattractive.

Another thing that helps me Oblomov is the support of great people over the years - be they friends, acquaintances, bosses even, . If I feel down I often think of the support they've given me. That's another way I've found to get through hard times.

I love Passenger. His lyrics are good. Sorry you feel so rubbish, but maybe give yourself another chance to rekindle things with this person? Give them a ring. Take them to dinner, talk things through. It may not be too late.

Yes you did. Sounds like the Marlene Dietrich misquote

It was Garbo.

(I might lose my looks, but I'll always have my pedantry.)

Thanks Emma. Thing is, my instincts are telling me that the person wants things to fizzle out and is trying to do this, to be fair , as painlessly as possible. I left the person a message on phone a while back and they did not respond at all or even allude to it.

Thank you sprink for your pedantry. It must be such a blessing.

Wow! I can't believe the responses on this thread. I thought this was meant to be a supportive community, but oh my, the minute a woman thinks she is good looking, we must burn her at the stake! And criticise her for her imperfect grammar! Because if she's beautiful, she must be stupid, right?

Trefoil, you have my sympathy. To me it is clear that you have gone through a difficult time, and (rightly or wrongly) you are clinging to your appearance for comfort. It's a coping mechanism people, wake up and smell the coffee! Probably not a very effective coping mechanism, as ultimately beauty does fade, but hey, none of us are perfect.

I think you need to learn to love yourself for who you are OP, not just what you look like. Meanwhile though, if looking good gives you strength, then why shouldn't you get strength from that?

For what it's worth - I have felt the same. When I gave birth to a very poorly, very small, 1lb baby, I took comfort from the fact that I looked beautiful afterwards. this was obviously a completely ridiculous feeling (as I said above - It's just a coping mechanism!), and of course I would have much rather had a nice fat baby and a bunch of stretch marks, but you know what? We don't all get to choose in life, and we have to make do with what we've got.

I do hope you're okay Trefoil. Ignore some of the nasty replies on here, and try to love yourself for who you are. I'm sure you have many other wonderful qualities

Thanks Wounded Soldier - hope the story of your lovely baby had a happy ending

Please report your post and ask for it to be moved to chat or relationships I think your get more support.

I think it's great you lost weight, if you did this for you - is it that you feel good about yourself after loosing weight and now feel a little lost about everything else in your life maybe?

I think you maybe need to talk to someone about how your feeling and here may be a good start for you (just not in AIBU)

I used to think all I had going for me on some level was my looks, which of course are subjective but I felt so bad inside I thought that's all I was worth, actually what had happened to me is that I had been EA for many many years I thought I loved this person and when they left they had done such a good job on destroying me I really thought everything that had happened was my fault, and that I was worthless. It wasn't. You are also worth much more.

I am sorry your in so much pain

Tre

There is absolutely nothing wrong with appreciating your beauty.
It is not you who has made an arse of themselves on this thread,
Beauty is no less valuable or valid than any other attribute which is gained by sheer chance.
Intelligence, I'm eyeballing you.

And what is more is that you will age but if you are a beautiful thirty year old then excepting for exceptional circumstances you will be a beautiful forty, fifty, sixty year old.

Will you rival women half your age? No
Will you receive the male attention you did thirty years previously? Probably not.

You will however look infinitely better than bitter, jealous, acerbic women of your vintage.

Long may you and your beauty flourish

I think you need to make an appointment to see your GP. You need some appropriate real life support

To the people saying posters are unsupportive I just want to make this point. Aibu is known for being a high traffic area of Mumsnet (although I always just use active and post where I fancy). When a thread starts such as this it can go one of two ways, it's a troll or somebody desperately seeking support. We are not therapists or mindreaders. When I first started posting on Mumsnet the phrase drip feeding came up a lot. I didn't understand the angst about it but this thread is a prime example of why the op needs to give a clearer indication as to what the problem is. We can't help you if you just come out with one sentence. I have posted on a thread this week that have been zapped because it has been started by a previously banned poster. This is happening more and more frequently as people are getting understandably cynical.

Op if you need support you will get it here but aibu is not the right forum. Start a thread in relationships, be brave and open up. You will get support there. If you need help this thread has gone a bit tits up but in my opinion understandably so. You have had some good advice here already.