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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriends Tattoo of ex name

110 replies

shrunkinthewash · 03/10/2016 08:28

Aibu to be annoyed that my bf of a year won't make the steps into getting his tattoos of his ex wife's name removed or covered up?

He says he has no money and he will get round to it some day but doesn't seem that bothered that it really bothers me having to see her name all over him. I've offered to pay but he declined and says he will look into it but never does.

Aibu to keep on at him?

OP posts:
NorksAreMessy · 03/10/2016 08:31

It is his body, and he is choosing to leave his ex's name there.
You have no right to force him to remove it, and 'keeping on' is not going to work.

Whether you can live with this is your choice.

StartledByHisFurryShorts · 03/10/2016 08:31

Sorry, but I think YABU. You can't erase his past.

DeathStare · 03/10/2016 08:34

Yes YABU. His body, his choice.

How would you feel if - for example - he offered to pay for you to have cosmetic surgery because he was upset by an aspect of your appearance, and he was pissed off because you wouldn't

ToastDemon · 03/10/2016 08:34

Going to disagree with the previous posters and say I wouldn't like that at all!

SchnooSchnoo · 03/10/2016 08:35

YABU. I would not be annoyed about this, and I wouldn't expect someone to get a tattoo removed for me!

katemess12 · 03/10/2016 08:36

His tattoo is from a time when you were not even a speck in his mind, and as it was his choice, and it's his body, and it has truly nothing to do with you, you really have no leg to stand on demanding he cover it up.

If he doesn't want to, he doesn't want to. It doesn't mean he still loves his ex or anything like that, but he may well still see sentimental value to the tattoo, and you're not entitled to try to erase that.

hungryhippo90 · 03/10/2016 08:38

I can see why you'd be a bit unhappy about that, but I have a tattoo of an exes name on me.
We split a year before I met DH, and me and DH have been together six years. I had one session of laser tattoo removal, it was quite sore so I didn't ever go back.
I'm probably more bothered by his name being there than my husband is, but not bothered enough to go through the trouble of removing.

TaterTots · 03/10/2016 08:39

How would you feel if - for example - he offered to pay for you to have cosmetic surgery because he was upset by an aspect of your appearance, and he was pissed off because you wouldn't

Not really a sensible comparison. She's not asking him to have a nose job or liposuction.

NicknameUsed · 03/10/2016 08:40

Some of the more reputable tattooists won't tattoo partners names for this reason. They will do family members though.

YappyYapster · 03/10/2016 08:40

Same as Hippo, I tried one session of laser removal and wimped out.

I've been with Dh ten years and we just don't notice it. I don't want any more tattoos so I'd rather leave it until they figure out a better way to remove them, and then I'll get rid of all of mine.

Salmotrutta · 03/10/2016 08:42

I think it is pretty expensive to get tattoos removed isn't it?

He probably feels his money is better spent elsewhere and that's a perfectly sensible choice.

I don't think it would bother me TBH - it's just a name on a tattoo.

Anyway, nagging him is pointless and guaranteed to annoy him eventually.

Salmotrutta · 03/10/2016 08:43

Ah, yes I'd read it was quite painful too!

YvaineStormhold · 03/10/2016 08:44

I'd hate it Blush

phillipp · 03/10/2016 08:48

I can see why this could be upsetting you. However Yabu. It's his body, you can request he gets it removed, you can't force him to.

You would be massively unreasonable to keep on at him about something on his own body.

TheStoic · 03/10/2016 08:49

You can dislike it, but you can't insist that someone else alters their body for you. That's very unreasonable.

Chikara · 03/10/2016 08:53

I wouldn't like it much but then I don't really like tattoos anyway.

I agree with others re his body, his choice; the expense and pain; the erasing of his past. My exDP when we got together had been living with an ex. All the stuff he used from dinner plates to bedsheets had been half hers!! She was very much a part of who he was.

I think the best you can do is ignore it. (How big is it??) Grin

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 · 03/10/2016 08:55

Colour over it with a Sharpie when he is asleep! Grin

Ausernotanumber · 03/10/2016 08:56

I wouldn't like it but it was a part of him from when you got together. I don't really think you can insist he removes it.

harrypotternerd · 03/10/2016 08:57

my ex tattooed my name 3 days after meeting me. We split up 4 years later and his new gf hates me because of the tattoo. If I was with someone who had a tattoo of their ex I would not like it but I would respect the fact that it is part of his past and it is his body so it is his choice

Fruitellaz · 03/10/2016 08:58

YANBU mine has something similar and I HATE it.

RhiWrites · 03/10/2016 08:58

Tattoos plural? How many has he got?

Fluffsnuts · 03/10/2016 09:00

I wouldn't like it but the more you focus on it the more of an issue it will become.

I have a friend whose ex girlfriend designed and paid for a tattoo on him, even though it doesn't contain his name, his now fiance doesn't like it but has accepted it is part of him. If you pay for the cover up then it will be a constant reminder of you too so I can see why he doesn't want that either.

VladmirsPoutine · 03/10/2016 09:02

Are you sure you want to be in a relationship with someone who clearly doesn't seem bothered about things that matter to you?
I know tattoo alterations are expensive but at the very least he should be expressing some desire to have to changed/removed.

c3pu · 03/10/2016 09:03

Instead of nagging him to getting it removed/covered up, why don't you change your name by deed poll so it matches his tattoos?

midsomermurderess · 03/10/2016 09:03

How does a 'reputable' tattoo artist actually know who a name belongs to?

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