Boyfriends Tattoo of ex name

[shrunkinthewash]

Aibu to be annoyed that my bf of a year won't make the steps into getting his tattoos of his ex wife's name removed or covered up?

He says he has no money and he will get round to it some day but doesn't seem that bothered that it really bothers me having to see her name all over him. I've offered to pay but he declined and says he will look into it but never does.

Aibu to keep on at him?

He has a few tattoos... His kids names, football team name/logo, ex wives name twice, his mums name, his star sign symbol, his nickname (he sounds so classy doesn't he!)

It's just I still get a heavy heat when I see " his name loves her name forever" and her name in a big stupid heart everyday.

Maybe if he added my name to the collection I wouldn't feel so left out

Heart not heat

I think if it's bothering you, he should do something about it.

But a year is not very long, and she may be the mother of his kids too? So not straightforward to just remove her from his life. Maybe he genuinely just needs a bit more time

See his body as a road map of his life. You cant erase the past just because you don't like it. She was a part of his life and at he time he wanted to recognise that. It is not as if she is the only name on his body by the sound of it.

He sounds quite a catch.

C3

Is it really 'all over him' or just actually a name on an arm or something?

Yes its his body, you are not asking him to alter his natural appearance, but to take the name of an ex partner who is no longer relevant in his life, out. It would bother me, that he just did not care.

Deed Poll...cheaper than removal.

OMG I would HATE that!

Tbh it would not be good enough for him to just remove it, I would want him to get my name once he has covered/removed his ex name.

I am Not even joking It would properly do my head in knowing that the person I am with loved someone enough to have her name permanently inked on him let alone the fact he doesn't seem arsed about getting it gone??

Yabu to nag him, but it would bother me it's not all over him though and
at sharpie

I'd hate it too.
My focus would be whether i wanted to date someone who thinks it's a good idea to get a person's name tattooed on themselves though.

That sounds rather vulgar .

In all honesty, I'd probably hate it too.

Laser removal is painful and expensive however - and his past will still be his past, with or without the tattoo. Erasing her name won't erase the fact that DP once shared his life with her IYSWIM.

You've asked him to consider getting it removed. He's said no. I don't see what more you can do really. It is his choice ultimately.

My DP has had 2 tattoos of exes names and had them both covered before I met him....thankfully, as if I saw the last one's name I'd probably take a penknife to it! He won't get a tattoo of my name though, which I think is a bit rude!

Wouldn't bother me. Erasing a tattoo doesn't make her any less a part of his past, just as keeping it doesn't make her part of his present.

Ah, now, having read your update I'd be less bothered by his ex-wife's name.

Having the symbol for your star sign permanently tattooed on your body however........

Sorry, judgey pants shall be removed now.

warhols crikey, calm down!

It sounds as if he just likes adding names and symbols to his body - mum, star sign, kids, partners, football team, ect, so i'd see it as just another naff tat.

It's not like he's just got one precious tatoo and it's her name. She's lumped in alongside a football team remember.

Ask him to stick your name on as well somewhere.

It would properly do my head in knowing that the person I am with loved someone enough to have her name permanently inked on him let alone the fact he doesn't seem arsed about getting it gone??

Jesus wept. He has children, probably with her, and it would 'do your head in' to know that he once loved her enough to get a tattoo? Seriously? You don't think his marriage or the CHILDREN were a bigger commitment, display of his love than a tattoo?

He'd be stupid to get a girlfriend's name (of a year) tattoo, he's already seen how much shit that can land him in.

I know someone who has one. When the object of the tattoo fucked off and left they got a red x tattooed over the name. You can read it but the X makes a point.

I don't know how I would feel about it tbh but it's been a part of him for so long I can see it may a weird thing or TBH just not a priority, especially if he can't see it all the time.

I wonder if the longer you are together the less it will matter. When I first met DH I know I felt threatened by his ex wife, his previous girlfriend and, if I'm being honest, probably his children too. If he had tattoos of their names all over I would have hated it. As the years have gone by (24 years and 3 children now) everything just becomes part of the past and is no longer important.

Your decision here is simple - can you live with him with the tattoo?

Whether to keep the tattoos, or add your name, is his decision. You get no say there, unfortunately.

From a practical point of view, if he's got her name (or ex's names) twice - once saying his name loves her name and once in a heart, they sound like pretty substantial tattoos, and getting them removed is likely to be both expensive and painful. He may not want to go through with that if the tattoos don't bother him - it sounds like he's covered in lots of niche tattoos, maybe he sees them as a sort-of diary of how he felt when he had each one done.

I don't think I'd want to be with someone who had an ex partners name tattooed on them, but I'm not a huge fan of tattoos in general anyway.