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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriends Tattoo of ex name

110 replies

shrunkinthewash · 03/10/2016 08:28

Aibu to be annoyed that my bf of a year won't make the steps into getting his tattoos of his ex wife's name removed or covered up?

He says he has no money and he will get round to it some day but doesn't seem that bothered that it really bothers me having to see her name all over him. I've offered to pay but he declined and says he will look into it but never does.

Aibu to keep on at him?

OP posts:
choli · 03/10/2016 09:40

I'd hate it too.
My focus would be whether i wanted to date someone who thinks it's a good idea to get a person's name tattooed on themselves though.

Seriously. He sounds dumb as dirt, think twice about getting involved.

pictish · 03/10/2016 09:42

I think insisting he get it lasered off at this stage is a bit pushy perhaps.

He has a past as we all do. Lasering is expensive and painful. You've only been together for a year. I can understand why you feel as you do but I think yabu to allow this to become or even create it into an issue.

In other news, tattooing partner's names on your bod is just a bad idea.

nancyblackett80 · 03/10/2016 09:43

Its sounds gross tbh. I just saw a ex colleagues wedding pictures on fbook, she's had his name tattoo'd from her shoulder to her elbow, but landscape and upside down if that make sense. So to even see it properly she'd have to lift her arm right up and look at it from the opposite side. Its ghastly. And he's got a stupid name.

DoinItFine · 03/10/2016 09:44

Yup, I'm with choli.

WarholsLittleQueen · 03/10/2016 09:47

Jesus wept. He has children, probably with her, and it would 'do your head in' to know that he once loved her enough to get a tattoo? Seriously? You don't think his marriage or the CHILDREN were a bigger commitment, display of his love than a tattoo?

Yep that would do my head in too

This is why I am single :D

TheNaze73 · 03/10/2016 09:48

YABU, everyone has a past.

Get out of the relationship if it bothers you that much.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 03/10/2016 09:49

Warhols would you not date somebody who had an ex-partner then?

katemess12 · 03/10/2016 09:51

Warhols You're going to find yourself perpetually single if you don't work on that issue, because that IS an issue.

WorraLiberty · 03/10/2016 09:53

Tbh it would not be good enough for him to just remove it, I would want him to get my name once he has covered/removed his ex name.

Blimey, the poor bloke could look like a telephone directory if everyone he dated, felt the same.

Thumbcat · 03/10/2016 09:53

DH had a small tattoo of an old girlfriend's name. He got it when he was 19 and stupid and it doesn't bother me at all. If he's with you now then it's a bit silly to be jealous of a tattoo.

DoinItFine · 03/10/2016 09:54

The tattos are not in the past, they are in the present.

Purplebluebird · 03/10/2016 09:54

This would bother me, and also I would not "let" my other half tattoo his name on me, because I find it a bit cringey :p Obviously it's his body so I couldn't actually stop him, but I would not approve! I don't think you should keep nagging him, he might decide to keep it just to be defiant... But I can see your pow!

PavlovianLunge · 03/10/2016 09:55

He sounds quite a catch.

And some might think you sound quite judgmental, user but let's not jump to conclusions, eh?

ZippyNeedsFeeding · 03/10/2016 09:56

How long has he had the tattoos? They all seem to morph into navy blue blobs after a few years, so maybe time will take care of it.

I hate tattoos, and I don't think I'd want to be with a man who thought that having loads of them was a good idea, but a name wouldn't bother me more than anything else. It's just a collection of letters and it only really has the significance that you give it.

dalmatianmad · 03/10/2016 09:58

My dp of 5 years had his ex wife's name tattooed on his forearm and it didn't bother me at first but as the relationship developed and became serious he suggested that he had it covered up and it was relief because I hated it.
We've all got past but this was just a constant reminder Confused

Have you told him you feel??

RhiWrites · 03/10/2016 10:01

Two tattoos of his and ex-wife's band with forever and a heart is annoying. It's not minor.

I think adding your name with a "double forever" or something might improve the situation.

Although personally I'd prefer removal someone with that many tatts probably isn't bothered.

pictish · 03/10/2016 10:06

"I think adding your name with a "double forever" or something might improve the situation."

Most random advice ever. I love it.

MermaidTears · 03/10/2016 10:08

I can't believe the number of posters saying it's not a problem an your unreasonable.
I bet most of them wouldn't for example get married one day and there boyfriend has he's ex name in the photos! Or any other similar examples
It would annoy me I would hate it.

WorraLiberty · 03/10/2016 10:10

Rhi, it's hard to know whether you're joking or not?

I hope so, because the mental image I have of that tattoo actually made me laugh out loud Grin

WorraLiberty · 03/10/2016 10:12

Mermaid plenty of posters have said it would annoy them too and that they'd hate it.

But that's completely different to the OP nagging him into doing something with his body, that he clearly doesn't want to do right now.

johnthebaptiser · 03/10/2016 10:12

Best thing is for him to add a black knife through the heart. (A broken arrow or something of the kind ) To say that the forever is no more. This would be cheaper than removal. For someone with lots of tatoos, I would assume you be on the list too. Grin

MermaidTears · 03/10/2016 10:20

worra
I get the nagging is not on, but I genuinely do not know anyone that would be totally ok with that, to the extent of saying 'oh you can't erase a past'.... it's ridiculous!

Nagging is wrong. But its ok to say 'yeah that'd be fucking horrible and I would have thought he would have made some steps at Least towards getting it sorted'
If it was in a wrist for example, I wouldn't exactly be thrilled to hold hands and her name is right there.
Or on a chest, I wouldn't like to lay I bed with my head leaning on he's chest while eye to eye with her name lol
I just don't believe people wouldn't mind.
But that's just me.

Original poster
shrunkinthewash · 03/10/2016 10:22

Grin at double forever

Maybe I should suggest "his name loves my name more than her name" in an even bigger heart !

I know I am being (a tiny bit) unreasonable to go on at him, I'll just buy him lots of full sleeve shirts for Christmas instead so I don't have to see them as often Wink

OP posts:
YelloDraw · 03/10/2016 10:26

I wouldn't like it.

But then I think most tattoos are mainly quite tacky and can't imagine that I would be attracted to a man who had inked his previous GF/wife's name all over him self. Super tacky!

WorraLiberty · 03/10/2016 10:27

I get what you're saying Mermaid but believe it or not, there are plenty of people who wouldn't mind.

My Ex-H had a woman's name on his arm and it never occurred to me, to be bothered by it.

In fact I was married to him for 9 years and right now, I'm struggling to remember whether the name was 'Hazel' or 'Hannah'.