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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriends Tattoo of ex name

110 replies

shrunkinthewash · 03/10/2016 08:28

Aibu to be annoyed that my bf of a year won't make the steps into getting his tattoos of his ex wife's name removed or covered up?

He says he has no money and he will get round to it some day but doesn't seem that bothered that it really bothers me having to see her name all over him. I've offered to pay but he declined and says he will look into it but never does.

Aibu to keep on at him?

OP posts:
reluctantpesthost · 03/10/2016 10:32

He has a few tattoos... His kids names, football team name/logo, ex wives name twice, his mums name, his star sign symbol, his nickname

ew

KungFuPandaWorksOut · 03/10/2016 10:37

Depends where it's placed on his body, if it's constantly visible to you daily I could understand why that would piss you off. But lasering is painful and expensive and a cover up is extremley painful I say that through experience. I would rather give birth again then have a cover up!

On a side note, I was friends with a girl back, when we was 17 she had a tattoo above her hoo-hah saying Josh's Property (not real name)
They lasted until she was in her twenties, and she admitted a few guys had ran the other way when they seen the tattoo, or would make comments like "will josh mind me going near his property"
"Who is josh?"
"Haha not Josh's property now add my name to the list" She promptly got it covered.
Maybe do some gentle ribbing Wink

Mrsemcgregor · 03/10/2016 10:38

I imagine it will bother you less in time as your relationship grows. At the start of my relationship with my DH I felt very uncomfortable and jealous of exs that he had been with for a little by time and holidays they had together etc. But as time has gone on and we have created our own precious memories (and children!) together those things don't matter at all.

He has even kept a few photos, letters and birthday cards from exes that I would have hated at first but now I just shrug and think it's nice for him to have sentimental items. Why shouldn't his past relationships be important to him? Mine are important to me.

Yes a daily reminder is annoying, but it will soon mean nothing.

Helmetbymidnight · 03/10/2016 10:43

I agree he should now do:

"I love shrunk in the wash more"

I don't see why he wouldn't do it, if he name checks everyone and everything else.

user1474781546 · 03/10/2016 10:46

I wouldn't date a guy who had a tattoo.

Helmetbymidnight · 03/10/2016 10:53

I don't think its the daily reminder of a past relationship that's the problem, its the daily reminder that he's a bit of a twat.

Only joking. I have no strong feelings one way or another.

MermaidTears · 03/10/2016 10:58

worra.
I'm not actually the jealous type at all but that would seriously bother me Wink

BuggerMyOldBoots · 03/10/2016 11:06

Why doesn't he get it covered up? Like on Tattoo Fixers? You could pay for it for his birthday or something

iloveeverykindofcat · 03/10/2016 11:06

Some of the more reputable tattooists won't tattoo partners names for this reason. They will do family members though.

Mine goes further: no names, no offensive/sexist imagery, nothing the person hasn't actually thought about, e.g., 'I want a sleeve but you can design it'.

FairyDogMother11 · 03/10/2016 11:07

My SIL had this issue with her DP. It wasn't a name but an image with a message. She had believed for the majority of their relationship that it was about his recently passed away dad and never asked. It came out in casual conversation and she was utterly gutted. He also didn't want to remove it as it's expensive and they were saving for their wedding. She was hurt but she did accept it. It's part of his past at the end of the day.

BadToTheBone · 03/10/2016 11:12

My ex had his previous partners name covered over with a dragon, we'd joke he'd just covered her name with her picture.

Misses point of post!!

Sofres · 03/10/2016 11:27

Do you know how expensive and painful tattoos are? Only to then double the pain and money for it to be removed?

I have the date of my wedding to my first husband on my neck, luckily I wear my hair down most the time because I'd never remove it.

nancyblackett80 · 03/10/2016 11:34

Are you positive its not got IDEMT underneath it in teeny tiny letters though?

(If destroyed even more true) quite a popular quip in our high school - it might not have travelled though :-)

LikeDylanInTheMovies · 03/10/2016 11:37

Presumably you were aware that he loved her enough to marry her and have children with her. I can't see how that tattoo does anything but confirm something you already should have known. In addition as the mother of his children, she reminds a significant figure in his life.

If this relationship lasts (and a year isn't that long) you'll need to get your head around his past and how it impacts on the present.

user1474781546 · 03/10/2016 11:42

It wouldn't be the tattoo that bothers be as much as the fact that this guy must be a few bricks short to think tat this was ever a good idea.

Is he so irresponsible in other areas of his life?

stitchglitched · 03/10/2016 11:46

If he has kids with her and they are aware of the tattoos I can imagine he might feel uncomfortable getting rid of their mother's name. It might be hurtful to them or force a conversation he doesn't want to have.

DP has the initials of an ex along with a 'saying.' He hates it and wants rid but we have bigger priorities to spend our money on at the moment and the way I look at it is he obviously felt something about her at the time to get it done, or he was just stupid. Either way he can live with it until such a time as using lots of money on covering it or laser treatment won't cause hardship to our kids.

Gottagetmoving · 03/10/2016 11:47

My ex husband had a tattoo on his forearm of an ex girlfriends name. It was not done by a professional but by a friend when he was 16.
The only thing that bothered me was that it looked crap. It didn't mean he still loved her.
I don't understand people getting hung up about their partner's exes...I wouldn't expect anyone to get rid of memories of their past, be it tattoos, photos or letters. Only insecurity would make you want a partner to erase evidence of their past.

Sallystyle · 03/10/2016 11:50

I still have my ex husband's name tattooed on my arm.

DH has never asked me to remove it.

I am never removing it. My ex is dead now and I'm glad I kept it.

Sallystyle · 03/10/2016 11:57

I genuinely do not know anyone that would be totally ok with that, to the extent of saying 'oh you can't erase a past'.... it's ridiculous!

My husband genuinely doesn't care.

We have a massive picture of my ex husband with the children in the living room and his ashes are in my bedroom. It felt like the safest place to put them, out of the way of pets and children and it was my husband who put him there.

The children live with him, what a better reminder that I had a past before I met him?

MrsRaymondReddington · 03/10/2016 12:15

Grin at user147 desperately trying to get a reaction!!

Lweji · 03/10/2016 12:25

Carry a box of plasters with you at all times and every time you are with him, stick one on her name.
Even better if he is hairy.

BTW, how do tattoos and body hair work? Do men shave, or are they hairless?

Original poster
shrunkinthewash · 03/10/2016 12:37

Yes user147 We get it, he is a tacky brainless bastard, but he is my tacky brainless bastard Grin

Thanks everyone else for your input, it's given me a different way of seeing things I suppose,
i know I can't erase his past but it doesn't mean I can't hate the constant reminder, I think it was his 'meh, soon' attitude when I asked.
if he was just upfront and said 'look, I'm keeping it' then it would maybe be easier to live with.

Maybe one day my name will be added to the hall of fame Grin

OP posts:
malificent7 · 03/10/2016 12:43

Hmmm.... i wouldnt let it get to you. I was a bit funny about my dps ex. Then i realised that as his ex wife and mum if his lovely dd that she would always be a big part of him. Now we all get on and shes no threat.

Get him to cover yp with your name!

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 03/10/2016 13:00

Im assuming getting a cover up will be cheaper and less painful that laser removal. I'd back off and let him mull it over, he's with you not her that's what counts plus you don't want him ending up on that tv show about worst tattoos Wink Grin

Not being judgy about tattoos btw, from experience of friends and family the rushed ones always seem to be the regret (or reget Wink ) ones!

Amethyst81 · 03/10/2016 13:06

I don't agree with pp saying to ask him to add your name too, what's to say that you won't split up and then he has another exs name on him? I wouldn't like the ex wife's name on him either so that's why it would be stupid for him to add yet another name to the list.

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