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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH overspending or am I ungrateful

249 replies

Waiting4cakes · 01/10/2016 20:04

Usually on Saturday DH drops me off at the supermarket then takes the DCs swimming. I get all the food shopping from two different supermarkets. Then I meet them in the cafe of the supermarket and we all have lunch.

However today I was feeling really ill this morning so he kindly offered to get the shopping after swimming/lunch. I said he could drop the DCs back here then go back to do the shopping if he wanted but he insisted it would be fine.

So I made him a list of things we definitely need but he said he knew what else to get. Which I assumed he would as well.

He arrives home with loads of stuff. He couldn't actually fit it all in the boot of the car he had that much so the DCs had loads of it on their laps. When I saw it I told him he had bought too much as usually it fits in the boot. He said he had only bought a couple of extras.

He was bringing it in and I was putting it away. There was loads of extras. It wouldn't all fit in the cupboards or the fridge/freezer. I found the receipt in one of the bags. He has spent over double what I usually spend.

I asked him why he had spent so much. He was full of excuses mostly that the DCs wanted stuff and he picked up stuff he fancied and he was doing a good thing for me and I wasn't being very grateful.
I thanked him for going but told him he had gone totally over the top and lots of it wouldn't get eaten.

He eventually muttered about maybe he had spent a little too much but he is still sulking now because he tried his best.

So AIBU or am I really ungrateful.

OP posts:
ThymeLord · 02/10/2016 00:04

And there we have it, cock is ideal tells us he can manage to do a food shop all by himself! With no instructions!

ThymeLord · 02/10/2016 00:06

Thank you to auto correct for that delightful error in the name....Hmm

CockacidalManiac · 02/10/2016 00:12

I'm sure if it's a recent thing on MN, where men are expected to walk around bumping into the fucking walls, if there's not a woman around to help them. These men only behave like this because it suits them to; if they fuck something basic up, they might never be asked to do it again.

CockacidalManiac · 02/10/2016 00:13

Shopping for stuff is a pretty basic life skill.

ThymeLord · 02/10/2016 00:16

It actually is a recent thing on here. Since the huns invaded. Pre invasion most women were quite confident men could handle everyday tasks.

Gwenhwyfar · 02/10/2016 00:18

I don' get what the problem is with the cereal, unless, like me, you don't have any storage space. It keeps.

CockacidalManiac · 02/10/2016 00:18

It's getting like those fucking terrible 'aren't men daft!' pages in Take A Break.

ThymeLord · 02/10/2016 00:19

No its constant patriarchy and how it's reinforced daily.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/10/2016 00:28

TBF I was pro-the OP's DH on the first page. Because I assumed he just bought a bunch of treats and went a bit mad (as I would, since DH does the shopping). Because I don't generally think men are stupid.

But fives bags of apples, that's really trying to fuck up...

Queenbean · 02/10/2016 00:39

The main issue here is the budget, that's what he's fucked up on

But if my dp gave me a clear list of what to buy when I went for the food shopping and then I got told off for buying some stuff I actually wanted id find that patronising and insulting

So I'd lead with the budget thing, not the "you bought too much stuff you wanted to eat" thing

Bogeyface · 02/10/2016 00:42

5 bags of apples is not a massive amount!

5 apples per bag. Thats 5 each for a week of lunches plus 5 between 4 for the weekend. Or am I missing something? We get through apples like water here, 5 bags would not even begin to cover it.

Aderyn2016 · 02/10/2016 00:56

I can well understand how someone who doesn't shop every week could get a bit carried away and overspend. But how the hell does he manage to parent effectively if he buys 10 different cereals because the dc can't decide what they want. Good parenting involves saying no sometimes.

JacquettaWoodville · 02/10/2016 00:59

Depends if they eat packed lunches, bogey. I'm guessing not, if the OP found 5 bags of apples a surprise,

Bogeyface · 02/10/2016 01:02

True jacquetta, I concede that point Blush

10 boxes of cereal though, that isnt a shopping problem, its a parenting problem as Aderyn quite rightly says. And this is a different issue that the OP needs to raise with him.

JacquettaWoodville · 02/10/2016 01:02

"he is a sexist prick and she is a stepford wife "

No one said she was a stepford wife.

I have issues with the sexism of the responses, the "aww he did a nice thing" shtick. I've no idea if OP's DH is sexist; a lot of posts on this thread certainly are.

JacquettaWoodville · 02/10/2016 01:04

"I don' get what the problem is with the cereal, unless, like me, you don't have any storage space. It keeps."

I assume the OP also doesn't have bags of storage space for 10 extra boxes of cereal.

JacquettaWoodville · 02/10/2016 01:05

"10 boxes of cereal though, that isnt a shopping problem, its a parenting problem "

Yep, agree with that.

Bogeyface · 02/10/2016 01:06

It just sounds to me like his actions came from a good place and her reaction did too. He wanted to take a job from her, as they have arranged in their partnership, and fucked it up. She was, understandably, pissed off.

An adult conversation about him being a dick for overspending and being ineffectual by allowing the kids to dictate the shopping list and her being worried about their budget, would solve all of this. i dont see the need for accusations of sexism.

SortAllTheThings · 02/10/2016 01:15

I'm astounded at this thread.

All the comments

"is it worth a row? "," he's doing you a favour" etc.

Are you all actually fucking kidding? A grown man should be able to do a fucking food shop without guidance from a female.

Dear God, what the actual fuck is wrong with some of you? And OP, why the hell would you apologise? He wasn't doing you a favour, he was buying food for his family.

Some of the posts on this thread make me want to scream.

SortAllTheThings · 02/10/2016 01:17

Poor diddums. Not used to doing grown up things like food shopping so buys enough food to last a month. ..

Gah!

SortAllTheThings · 02/10/2016 01:20

ThymeLord (excellent name)

I noticed that too. Have you been complicit? There seems to have been an invasion from the fifties ConfusedGrin

MissMoo22 · 02/10/2016 01:35

After I had DS2 my partner and his younger brother went off to the supermarket to do the shopping for the first time ever. They came back overly happy and kept saying oh look at this when they pulled each thing out of the bag. It was the biggest hoard of junk I've ever seen. Ice creams galore and utter crap that they obviously fancied so bought it all. Some actual food bits but the majority was just junk. Of course DS1 thought it was amazing and for months afterwards asked when Daddy was going to do the shopping again. That would be never.

Even on the occasions that he comes into the shops with me (rare) the shopping always costs at least £30 extra because he just can't resist the treats and bigger packs.

It just costs less to do the shopping yourself if you like to keep within a budget if they are big spenders like my (and your) DP. Other men do it just fine but some act like big kids when they do the shopping.

LearnAsIgo · 02/10/2016 01:45

I would let this one go. On the scale of things, it's not a big deal. He'll be more aware next time. i bet he and your kids had fun. On the plus side, no need to buy cereal for ages!

Florathefern · 02/10/2016 02:15

I didn't know supermarkets allowed returns. How do they know it has been stored at the correct temperature in your house? Actually I've just remembered I brought strawberries back to Tesco during the summer as mould appeared overnight and I still had the receipt. I brought them back as it had happened a few times and I was getting really annoyed at throwing them out. .

I wouldn't have room in my kitchen for ten boxes of cereal - I'm assuming they are full sized boxes and not the variety pack :)?

My DH sounds a bit like you and likes to 'plan' meals and goes to two supermarkets .As soon as he takes out his little notebook and pen to make his 'lists' , I disappear out of the room before I die of boredom. I pick up random stuff and if we don't have a balanced meal some evenings, I don't really care. I think I still shop like I did when I was single. It drives my DH mad but I"m happy doing it my way and I don't appreciate being chided for my irresponsible shopping, and after many many arguments my DH has realised that.

I bring my kids swimming and the energy of trying to make them shower in a crowded overheated changing room and get dressed before their clothes end up on a wet floor, I'd take shopping any day!

Florathefern · 02/10/2016 02:37

ETA Being truthful, I'd take on any job if it meant being kid free for a few hours :)

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