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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH overspending or am I ungrateful

249 replies

Waiting4cakes · 01/10/2016 20:04

Usually on Saturday DH drops me off at the supermarket then takes the DCs swimming. I get all the food shopping from two different supermarkets. Then I meet them in the cafe of the supermarket and we all have lunch.

However today I was feeling really ill this morning so he kindly offered to get the shopping after swimming/lunch. I said he could drop the DCs back here then go back to do the shopping if he wanted but he insisted it would be fine.

So I made him a list of things we definitely need but he said he knew what else to get. Which I assumed he would as well.

He arrives home with loads of stuff. He couldn't actually fit it all in the boot of the car he had that much so the DCs had loads of it on their laps. When I saw it I told him he had bought too much as usually it fits in the boot. He said he had only bought a couple of extras.

He was bringing it in and I was putting it away. There was loads of extras. It wouldn't all fit in the cupboards or the fridge/freezer. I found the receipt in one of the bags. He has spent over double what I usually spend.

I asked him why he had spent so much. He was full of excuses mostly that the DCs wanted stuff and he picked up stuff he fancied and he was doing a good thing for me and I wasn't being very grateful.
I thanked him for going but told him he had gone totally over the top and lots of it wouldn't get eaten.

He eventually muttered about maybe he had spent a little too much but he is still sulking now because he tried his best.

So AIBU or am I really ungrateful.

OP posts:
Vvlgari · 01/10/2016 21:36

I'm not patting him on the back FFS. It just strikes me that it's not the end of the fucking world and not really deserving of the vitriol in some of the responses. Then tell him to find meal options using the stuff he bought.

JacquettaWoodville · 01/10/2016 21:37

Agree lorelei

LumpySpacedPrincess · 01/10/2016 21:50

Bloody hell, he is not a child or an idiot.

You have an agreed budget and he knows this but you should be grateful because he overspent?

You need to read Wifework by Susan Maushart.

Does he manage to hold down a job? Presumably his boss wouldn't be happy if he did this but you should be grateful.

00100001 · 01/10/2016 21:50

Am I genuinely the only person in this thread that would just take the food back? Confused

JacquettaWoodville · 01/10/2016 22:00

It wouldn't have occurred to me that you could, binary, but now it will!

ChuckBiscuits · 01/10/2016 22:01

I don't understand what you have to be grateful for or what lovely thing this is...surely it is part and parcel of being an adult and it is just a 'thing' not a lovely thing.

He has done it so that you don't ask him again and he is sulking so that you think you should be grateful for a 'man' to do the shopping. Both of these are pretty manipulative.

He needs to start doing the shopping every week and properly if he is this out of touch with reality.

BlancheBlue · 01/10/2016 22:04

I have burning desire for a cornflake cake after reading this thread.

Lorelei76 · 01/10/2016 22:08

001 I don't think supermarkets take back food, as pp have said.

But also, if op ended up doing that, the problem remains - grown adult stuffed up basic duty and wants flipping thanks for it!

TutanKaDashian · 01/10/2016 22:12

I'd be pissed off too, especially if I was on a budget. And as for the posters suggesting you should be grateful because he is 'doing you a favour' HmmHmm.......

PickledCauliflower · 01/10/2016 22:14

If he's not used to doing the shop, I would let it go as a one off.
I've done daft shops at times, usually when I am hungry and tempted by everything I see.
Next time he does a big shop, I would remind him that he needs to make a list first.

00100001 · 01/10/2016 22:15

Lorelei the supermarkets I have been to do. Many different shops too. Unless the "rules" have changed since Thursday evening? Grin

BlancheBlue · 01/10/2016 22:15

Supermarkets do indeed take back food - not fresh or opened stuff obviously but packets/tins etc etc

00100001 · 01/10/2016 22:19

I challenge you to go back to Tesco and try and return an ambient (non-fresh/perishable) bit of food. Eg a Tinof beans or a pack of biscuits.
They might ask why you're returning them (don't say because Binary said I could Wink ) Just say they were the wrong ones/weren't needed and they'll refund you.
Honestly. I do it all the time returning unused food for events/parties/camps etc

PickledCauliflower · 01/10/2016 22:26

But the stuff you can take back (tins and biscuits etc) will have a decent shelf life on them - so do you need to take them back?
If you are totally skint, and have no money for bus fares in the week then try and take back what you can.
If not, use / freeze stuff and tell him not to go mad in the shop again as you can't afford it and it's wasteful.

calzone · 01/10/2016 22:29

My DH was charged for 89 packets of rice cakes last week.

He only bought 1.

Apparently, he didn't notice as he forked out £72 in Lidl!!!!

Dozy.

NameChange30 · 01/10/2016 22:33

"he was doing a good thing for me and I wasn't being very grateful."

What the fuck?! He was doing a good thing for you?! Er no, unless you eat all the food and leave everyone else to starve, he was doing a job for the FAMILY (which includes HIMSELF and HIS children) and also wasting the family money on food that can't be stored and will go off before it gets eaten.

Why do you always do the food shopping while he gets to have a swim? Presumably his performance today will ensure that you insist on doing the food shopping in future and he gets to carry on getting away without doing it.

How are the other household tasks divided?

Lorelei76 · 01/10/2016 22:35

Binary, I was going to call you binary but then thought I better not in case you took offence!

I'm guessing op DH will sulk more if asked to return food.

Phalenopsisgirl · 01/10/2016 22:35

People suggesting returning food for a refund....wow, just wow! There is no way it could be resold so would have to be thrown away, just give it to a food bank if you really need shot of it. As for op's dh, I think this just needs chalking up to experience for him. Have you asked around
for freezer space? My mum always has a half empty chest freezer, a friend may be able to help you out.

Original poster
Waiting4cakes · 01/10/2016 22:37

I'm not saying he can't treat the DCs/himself I sometimes buy him and the DCs a treat while shopping but that's usually just a couple of pounds here and there not as much money as DH spent.

OP posts:
furryminkymoo · 01/10/2016 22:39

My DH rarely comes the to supermarket so when he does he loves it and it costs a small fortune. I wouldn't be cross unless it meant that the supermarket sweep left us short on cash

00100001 · 01/10/2016 22:39

phalen I can assure you it is put back on the shelves.

00100001 · 01/10/2016 22:40

I will even ask tomorrow to conform that for you.

Lorelei76 · 01/10/2016 22:40

OP, exactly, it's not like he saw a cake, a cheese and a bottle of wine he fancied, he clearly just did it really badly and tbh I'd also wonder if it's to avoid being asked again.

Then again some adults just seem to enjoy being silly then sulking after...weird.

00100001 · 01/10/2016 22:40

Just like all the food that is left behind at the till is put back. And the food found out of place.

00100001 · 01/10/2016 22:41

Well, not the once frozen stuff found in the bred aisle.

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