DH overspending or am I ungrateful

[Waiting4cakes]

Usually on Saturday DH drops me off at the supermarket then takes the DCs swimming. I get all the food shopping from two different supermarkets. Then I meet them in the cafe of the supermarket and we all have lunch.

However today I was feeling really ill this morning so he kindly offered to get the shopping after swimming/lunch. I said he could drop the DCs back here then go back to do the shopping if he wanted but he insisted it would be fine.

So I made him a list of things we definitely need but he said he knew what else to get. Which I assumed he would as well.

He arrives home with loads of stuff. He couldn't actually fit it all in the boot of the car he had that much so the DCs had loads of it on their laps. When I saw it I told him he had bought too much as usually it fits in the boot. He said he had only bought a couple of extras.

He was bringing it in and I was putting it away. There was loads of extras. It wouldn't all fit in the cupboards or the fridge/freezer. I found the receipt in one of the bags. He has spent over double what I usually spend.

I asked him why he had spent so much. He was full of excuses mostly that the DCs wanted stuff and he picked up stuff he fancied and he was doing a good thing for me and I wasn't being very grateful.
I thanked him for going but told him he had gone totally over the top and lots of it wouldn't get eaten.

He eventually muttered about maybe he had spent a little too much but he is still sulking now because he tried his best.

So AIBU or am I really ungrateful.

I can't believe some idiots people are accusing the OP of being "controlling". Because she has the audacity to object to her husband spending twice the budget on a food shop, wasting money and food.

The sexist posts are bad enough but the "controlling" accusations take the fucking biscuit.

Some people need to read up of financial control and abuse. This ain't it.

Yes emma

Since when was a budget and storage space restrictions controlling.

Rent/mortgage payments can't just be ignored so you don't hurt some idiots feelings over a food shop...

Thank you for the replies.
We are back to normal today the world hasn't ended DH is cycling and I'm watch the DCs make rice crispy cakes (thank you to who ever mentioned that to get rid of some of the cereal)

Yes DH and I split household jobs based on what we are good at / have time for.I cook because I enjoy it more and he works more during the week. He take them swimming because he doesn't have time to take them to activities during the week. It also created that system because we only have one car so it makes it easier to arrange it that way.

DH works 8-6 during five days a week and I work 10-2 four days a week.

I also don't think that wanting him to stick to the budget we agreed is controlling. As I said I don't mind a few treats but double a weekly food shop is a lot of money and I think he would be a bit annoyed if I spent that sort of money as well.

For those asking we usually get through 2-3 bags of apples a week and 4 boxes of cereal. But wasn't just that I have too many apples we have too much of lots of stuff like orange grapes bananas etc which makes it more difficult than just saying we could just eat more apples and then it's fine.

I really think the level of ineptitude displayed by the DH here really is dependent on how strict the budget is.

My DH is an extravagant person (nothing to do with his possession of a penis, just a character trait). When we had more disposable income, he once went out for milk and came home with a TV Now we have a much much much stricter budget, if he had to do the weekly shop he would be (and is) aware of the budget and accordingly tailor the shop to match it. Amazingly, his penis doesn't affect his ability to do this either!

So the level of ineptitude is either low or high depending on how much he has fucked the budget. Nothing wrong with more treats than usual if you can afford it. If you can't afford it, he has been inept, and as an adult and a parent, shouldn't be excused simply due to his possession of a penis. Unless said penis is twelve foot long and drags on the floor behind him, it doesn't affect his ability to shop in a competent manner.

It saddens me that some Mners set the bar so low for partners when they are men ("oh just apologise to him for pointing out his fucking up of a normal adult task, whilst you were unwell"). If you are a parent and presumably an adult you should be able to carry out basic household tasks and an inability to do so shouldn't be excused by the possession of a penis or ovaries.

Tesco returns policy...

www.tesco.com/direct/help/returns-policy.page?source=others

I don't think YABU at all actually. Who the fuck buys 5 bags of apples and 10 boxes of cereal? Unless you are part of the Radford family that's completely ridiculous.

He wasn't 'doing you a favour' by doing the weekly food shop. Just because he did something for the family that you usually take care of doesn't mean it's a favour. Someone has to do it and if you can't then he should. It's called stepping up to the plate when your partner is unable to and is totally within the realms of reasonable expectation for him to do as both a family man and an adult.

I hope you are able to return some of it.

OP, you are getting there now.

Just make sure DH has cereal, rice krispie cakes , apples and grapes in his lunchbox and for dinner every day this week and you will soon be through it all.

Yeah, I guess the kind of man who's incapable of food shopping is also incapable of preparing his own lunch.

So it's the OP's job

Exactly. Why are so many people saying what the op should do?

Rice Krispie cakes in his lunch totally work with the idea that some posters have that the op is married to a 5 year old.

OP - you're probably sick of "using Up the food" but you can always juice it or make smoothies!

Apples and grapes taste nice added to salads too.

Well, we all make mistakes.
Last month I ruined our kitchen worktops by carelessness. I used Oven Pride (will never use the bastard stuff again) to clean oven racks.
Apparently ( I know now from colleagues) that you use it outside (away from small children and animals).
I didn't - I put the trays in the toxic liquid, in bags on the work surfaces. They bags leaked, what is probably acid all over our worktops. The worktops are still functional but looks horrendous with bleached out marks that cannot be disguised. We have only had these worktops 18 months - cannot afford to replace them.
I am gutted. Every time I go in the kitchen I see the error I made and I am pissed off with myself over it.
Husband (who makes plenty of mistakes himself, let's face it we all do) said it doesn't matter. I don't suppose it does really but it's horrible when you fuck up.
I wouldn't make a mistake like this every week - if your husband overspends your budget every week it does matter. Otherwise, let it go as an error - we all fuck up.

I would have actually presumed that he normally did make his own lunch as I have almost never made packed lunch for my DH.

He can only make lunch with the food that HE bought, I presume. Not with stuff that isn't there.

"You" = you as a family. Not OP in particular. I see nothing wrong with that.

He did behave like a 5 year old.

Agree with the poster above. It's the ineptitude. Surely he knows roughly what you buy each week? Fair enough, a few extra bits he fancied but more than double what you usually spend? He's either taking the piss so he doesn't 'have' to go again or he's plain stupid. Who knowingly buys so much you can't even fit it in the kitchen?! Sounds like he so rarely goes shopping, he got carried away like a kid in the proverbial candy store. What a plonker!

You can't really 'fuck up' going shopping though unless you are so unused to it you spend way too much and buy ridiculous stuff because it feels like a massive childish game.

katedot that's a returns policy for Tesco DIRECT, not Tesco groceries. They sell homeware, toys, electronics and the likes.

You can't return groceries / food.

pickled that sucks so you have accidental damage on your home insurance? Think this might be covered under buildings, not contents. It might be worth giving them a call to find out?

I thought of this thread yesterday when DP was stood in supermarket photographing shelves and texting me which of the many varieties of an item I wanted with the caption 'how does this work?!' and then carrying on taking pictures of the trolley with me texting questions like 'how much milk have you got?'

He had also been to the supermarket on Friday and Saturday. And cooked all three nights. And then washed up. Spending more than I normally would by doing three small shops rather than one big one. But I was ill. And so incredibly grateful. He works 7 days a week, I work zero. I sat on the sofa for three days while he did everything. I said thank you a lot - not because he was being some sort of man saint by doing 'the woman's job', but because he was picking up the slack while one team member was down.

He probably doesn't know where I keep the hoover, because ordinarily that's my job. Much as I wouldn't have a flipping clue what to do at his workplace. Yes, what I do gives him a lovely home to come home to, and he contributes to the mess, but he works very hard to provide for the home in a financial sense, and I contribute to the spending!

Its a man thing my dp is the worst when buying shopping. He comes back with a load of stuff that was on offer that we don't need. He never checks the prices of things and usually comes back with the wrong stuff too.
your dh tried to be thoughtful and practical but hes just not good at budgeting and a bit careless when doing a shop.
it is frustrating but the thought was there.

It is absolutely not a 'man thing' in our house.

DP does 90% of the food shopping. And 99% of the cooking. Whenever I set foot in a supermarket, I am much more likely to buy stuff that we don't need...random things which don't really go into a meal but just stuff that I fancy eating.

It's not a "man thing" in our house either. DH does the vast majority of the cooking. We are both equally capable of food shopping, whether we go separately or together.

I don't recall shopping tips being part of the hygiene lecture.

We know no more than anyone else when we have to start shopping fir our families surely?

Do you have 4+ DCs?

That's a lot of apples/cereal!

I only have buiding insurance I am afraid :(
Bricks and mortar type of thing..