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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH overspending or am I ungrateful

249 replies

Waiting4cakes · 01/10/2016 20:04

Usually on Saturday DH drops me off at the supermarket then takes the DCs swimming. I get all the food shopping from two different supermarkets. Then I meet them in the cafe of the supermarket and we all have lunch.

However today I was feeling really ill this morning so he kindly offered to get the shopping after swimming/lunch. I said he could drop the DCs back here then go back to do the shopping if he wanted but he insisted it would be fine.

So I made him a list of things we definitely need but he said he knew what else to get. Which I assumed he would as well.

He arrives home with loads of stuff. He couldn't actually fit it all in the boot of the car he had that much so the DCs had loads of it on their laps. When I saw it I told him he had bought too much as usually it fits in the boot. He said he had only bought a couple of extras.

He was bringing it in and I was putting it away. There was loads of extras. It wouldn't all fit in the cupboards or the fridge/freezer. I found the receipt in one of the bags. He has spent over double what I usually spend.

I asked him why he had spent so much. He was full of excuses mostly that the DCs wanted stuff and he picked up stuff he fancied and he was doing a good thing for me and I wasn't being very grateful.
I thanked him for going but told him he had gone totally over the top and lots of it wouldn't get eaten.

He eventually muttered about maybe he had spent a little too much but he is still sulking now because he tried his best.

So AIBU or am I really ungrateful.

OP posts:
00100001 · 01/10/2016 21:14

Just last week I returned some chocolate digestives, some marshmallows, some popcorn and a tub of hot chocolate that wasn't used after a sleepover.

Netcurtainrummager · 01/10/2016 21:16

OP, my hubs had become deskilled at shopping over the years due to my doing it, returning with no family meals but an enormous bill to show for it. This is despite having lived alone capably before we met, and being a classically trained chef to boot! Finally worked out that laughing about his screw ups together makes it more likely he'll apologise and get a better grip of himself for next time. That and delivery saver means we both add to the online basket, so he's gradually learnt what we need as a general rule, and what to spend. Still have to stop myself redoing his vacuuming though...

00100001 · 01/10/2016 21:16

I can't be the only person who takes food back!

ToastDemon · 01/10/2016 21:17

Presumably the OPs DH lives in the same house as her, and eats food purchased during the supermarket shop.
So I fail to see how him doing the shop was a lovely thing or a favour. It was simply a necessary household task, and he fucked it up.

SuperFlyHigh · 01/10/2016 21:18

I'd personally keep what I could and/or donate to food banks and with the cereal is it oats etc?

You can make Flapjacks with oats, crispie cakes with rice crispies etc, Apple cake or pie with apples. Bring some of that into work/school if you don't Want it all at home. And yes apples store in a box.

Why shouldn't he be allowed to get what he fancies occasionally too? Or treat the kids?!

I agree he messed up with the quantities but he thought he was doing a good deed, but maybe factor in what he'd like to eat etc as a treat and if he fancies indulging the kids occasionally too shopping wise.

T0ldmywrath · 01/10/2016 21:18

19Lottie- ^You can't return food to the supermarket for a refund.

It's for health and safety reasons.^

What about that hideous Tesco advert where they take stuff back?

Iflyaway · 01/10/2016 21:18

He doesn't really do the cooking/meal plans as he is working so it's up to me to sort it.

Why have you let yourself get into this set-up?

But this is your chance to overhaul that old and tired situation....

Katedotness1963 · 01/10/2016 21:18

There's an advert on the tv where a woman takes a pineapple back to the supermarket because she doesn't fancy it anymore, so it can be done.

ThymeLord · 01/10/2016 21:21

Oh my god the pandering to men that must go on up and down the country. He's a grown man. He didn't do a lovely thing and oopsy it up in the manner of a child. He lives in the house, eats the food, presumably sees what is in the cupboards and the fridge. He should be taking the overspill back like the big boy he is.

JacquettaWoodville · 01/10/2016 21:21

"However today I was feeling really ill this morning so he kindly offered to get the shopping after swimming/lunch. I said he could drop the DCs back here then go back to do the shopping if he wanted but he insisted it would be fine. "

Unicorn, he still went out for lunch as normal, along with having his swim whilst the kids were in swimming club as normal.

OP was ill. The family needed shopping. It's not a lovely thing he did, unless OP is doing a lovely thing the other 51 Saturdays of the year?

Vvlgari · 01/10/2016 21:21

I would let it go. It's a one off and as he was doing it to help out, I'd probably just work out some meals to use it up and be done with it. Next time, write a list if you don't want him to go off piste.

FirstShinyRobe · 01/10/2016 21:22

Why are people suggesting things she can do with the surplus?

OP, the only suggestion you should be making is for him to go online and find out how to use up what he can't store.

Creating work for others is not nice. So, cop on to yourselves all those patting him on the back and telling the op what she can do about his fuck up m

ThymeLord · 01/10/2016 21:23

It isn't "helping out" to shop for food that you and your children will eat.

00100001 · 01/10/2016 21:23

I was saying it just needs to go back to the shop.

JacquettaWoodville · 01/10/2016 21:25

Because nothing cures an illness faster than knocking up four apple tarts you've no room for in the fridge or freezer, obviously, FirstShinyRobe...

Minesril · 01/10/2016 21:26

I'm so glad I'm married to an adult who not only knows the food budget, but does the online shop.

Magicpaintbrush · 01/10/2016 21:26

OP - perfectly within your rights to be annoyed by your DHs muck up of the shopping budget. He is a grown adult and should have both some common sense and the ability to withstand the kids demanding extra stuff. I don't think you needed to apologise. I would be fuming at that much waste. You will be taking everything in and out of fridge/freezer everytime you want to find anything over the next few weeks.

I agree with Jacquetta, Latte's post was rude to the OP - very snarky tone and uncalled for.

Irush · 01/10/2016 21:27

He doesn't sound very intelligent. I would definitely get him to do it again with a list and a budget. Does he not understand about shopping and money?

Irush · 01/10/2016 21:27

He doesn't sound very intelligent tbh.

AppleJac · 01/10/2016 21:27

He did go over the top but in future i would just make sure he didnt get a chance to do it again

Irush · 01/10/2016 21:28

Sorry random double post Confused

JacquettaWoodville · 01/10/2016 21:29

"I'd probably just work out some meals to use it up and be done with it. "

And why shouldn't he do that? It's more work for her when she's Ill than doing the shop would've been in the first place.

Next time, write a list if you don't want him to go off piste.

She offered. He declined.

JacquettaWoodville · 01/10/2016 21:31

"He did go over the top but in future i would just make sure he didnt get a chance to do it again"

what if she's ill again?

Surely better that he knows he fucked up and doesn't fuck up again? Taking stuff back or figuring out meal plans would help this!

GardenGeek · 01/10/2016 21:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lorelei76 · 01/10/2016 21:34

YANBU
I think it's a shame you apologised to him
So much stuff the DCs had it in their laps?!