AIBU to think its just bizarre behaviour and rude to do this?

[Sparklyshoes16]

Today I went for meet up with a few friends and one of them didn't want to finish off their lunch so turned round to me in front of our group and said "I'm so full, here you finish this off", I declined and carried on with mine. We then ordered cake and coffee to finish off before going home, she had a very small bite of what she ordered and then again in front of everyone said "here you might as well finish this" again I declined and carried on eating what I had ordered. It was still sat there when we had all finished eating and she said "stop staring at it and have it if you want it" very loudly. I firmly said I don't want it and carried on talking/eating to everyone else I wasn't even looking at it. She has done this a few times in front of other people and I'm not sure why as I have never finished off someone else's meal (only my own family when I've been really hungry ). I'm quite large and she is VERY skinny so i don't know if it's just some sly dig...my other friend text me and asked if i was OK as she had noticed it became a little frosty...I don't want to reply as she is known to make a drama out of things...just feeling a little bit hurt...were all meant to be going out tomorrow night for another friend's joint birthday meal but don't feel like going as don't want any comments whilst eating.

Place marking, because I want to hear how it went too!

A little concerned, though. I say "just sayin' " Hope that doesn't make me unMumsnetty.

I don't "hun", though. At least I don't "hun".

Hello all I decided to go...friend whose meal it was I really like and don't get to see often and husband came with me! They arrived over 30mins late which really annoyed everyone Me and husband sat right at the other end of the table to her. There were a few people we'd not met before but they were lovely to speak to and the usual crowd. The waiter came round and I ordered, my husband just glared at her when she looked in our direction 'other now ex friend' kept staring too and I noticed a silly little look between them so I just rolled my eyes! 'Now ex friend said "ooh is that a new top?" I said "no been in wardrobe ages" she then said "Really I've NEVER seen it before come on did you go shopping today just for this?" said with a sly smile...so I just ignored them they looked very surprised when ignored them 3 times and I was talking to husband and this lovely woman I'd not met before!! In the end husband very loudly said "Girls she's talking wait a minute you'll get your turn in a minute" in his best Dad voice! The majority of the table just laughed and were looking at them...When it came to desserts they sent the waiter very loudly to our end "go to that end first mate she always likes to order first so it comes first" soooo...I broke conversation fand VERY loudly said to the waiter "It's ok start that end she looks STARVING actually more EMACIATED she clearly needs it more than me!!" and then carried on my conversation with a lovely woman...my husband nearly spat his drink out!! They both didn't say one thing to me after that a lot of texting when one went to the toilet and then they'd swop etc she ordered dessert and didn't offer it to anyone and my husband's friend didn't offer to have any (think husband said something to him earlier) and his wife was just glaring at them most of the night!! I ended up staying out with husband on our own and it was really lovely usually we rush home but just strolled around abit and then got taxi home! Husband said you were brilliant tonight if I'd been a lass I'd slapped them one but you are just brilliant ! Also got a text from husband's friend's wife tonight and she said she'd noticed it a few times we were out and was really glad I'd said something she was gearing up to say something but her husband didn't want ww3 to break out lol so where does it leave me well I've definitely realised now that they are not my friends!! I've arranged to go and see more friends who don't live here more often did that whilst getting ready...will have to brave motorway driving!! And I looked up relational aggression it describes everything that has happened the last few months down to a tea!! Again thank you all for your kind words, encouragement and making me laugh out very loud it's really appreciated

Bloody brilliant - well done you!

You were amazing! Well done!!!

Great, well done for standing up for yourself.

So in addition to being a mean bitch, she's a friend stealer? Worst traits ever.

As someone said upthread shut that bitch down. 'Sorry but what makes you think I want your leftovers' while looking at her like the germs from her fork are about to attack and destroy you.

Is that an ironic ? Are you quite sure it shouldn't be ?

Well done for standing up to them. They are both grade A bitches, you are well rid of them. What's the whole deal with questioning you over your wardrobe? It sounds condescending and patronizing, but I can't quite put my finger on the motivation.

Been following as i need strategies to deal with stuff like this. Well done that was fantastic!!

Brilliant!!

Well done you! You are better off without them. Pleased you enjoyed your evening.

well done OP x

I've just spent some time reading about relational aggression. Very interesting. It perfectly describes three separate people I have encountered and have distanced myself from. Ididyeah from my experience, the best strategy for dealing with people like this is to cut them off. Not so easy if you can't get away from them, for example if you work with them.

brilliant! Good on you! Takes guts to do that.

Nice you will see your other friends more but your husband's friend's wife sounds like a nice person to cultivate a friendship with, if you want to.

Sometimes others hear slagging off (horrid term but can't think of another!) of others and wish they'd stand up for themselves which you've done.

Well I don't agree with calling people starving and emaciated...but apart from that bloody well done. She sounds really horrible and I'm glad you stood up for yourself.

Excellent work!

Helmet, she'd been spoken too in a very reasonable manner prior to the night out but chose to continue with this petty carry-on. OP handled it perfectly and it would seem the pair of cows had been sussed by other members of the friendship group.

If she couldn't take it , then she shouldn't have dished it out in the first place.

Oh I know they are horrors and deserve everything they get.

I dislike the untrue idea that fat = greedy or thin = starving but this is neither the time nor the place.

Op did great.

I do get what you mean (and agree to a point) but reckon this woman was fair game as she started the comments again anyway.

Helmet, but the other woman started the bitching on that stupid assumption, OP mocked it with her comment. Which was well called for.

I think you have missed the point.

Actually, I think making nasty comments about someone's appearance is pretty horrible.

They started it so it's ok? I don't allow my dc to do that!

But anyway, guess you showed them.

They were taking the p*ss out of her weight. Why shouldn't she hit back with a comment about their appearance? It got the message through and shut them up. Well done OP. Now the rest of their friends should stand up to these bitches and back up OP, and then hopefully the two cows will drop from the group (who would want to be friends with people this nasty anyway) so all future meet ups for the rest of the group would be fun

I can sort of see Helmet's point, but in this situation the op had privately and maturely raised it with thin friend. Instead of taking it on board, thin friend escalated it, by making it a team sport, and by loudly trying to humiliate OP in front of everyone. I think OP handled it brilliantly, and was perfectly justified in public ally putting them both in their place.

I think today you may well have lots of texts. My advice is, hard is might be, to maintain dignified radio silence and wide eyed innocence.

Asking about your top was definitely goady, I suppose talking about clothes shopping references back to your text confrontation? As well as drawing attention to your appearance, and "did you go shopping for this just for this" is a bit patronising, implying that you are a bit sad and trying to impress.

I'm glad you had a good night OP and hope that you can continue to meet up with the nicer people without them in the future, if other people have notied their attitude as well.