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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think its just bizarre behaviour and rude to do this?

284 replies

Sparklyshoes16 · 30/09/2016 14:57

Today I went for meet up with a few friends and one of them didn't want to finish off their lunch so turned round to me in front of our group and said "I'm so full, here you finish this off", I declined and carried on with mine. We then ordered cake and coffee to finish off before going home, she had a very small bite of what she ordered and then again in front of everyone said "here you might as well finish this" again I declined and carried on eating what I had ordered. It was still sat there when we had all finished eating and she said "stop staring at it and have it if you want it" very loudly. I firmly said I don't want it and carried on talking/eating to everyone else I wasn't even looking at it. She has done this a few times in front of other people and I'm not sure why as I have never finished off someone else's meal (only my own family when I've been really hungry Smile). I'm quite large and she is VERY skinny so i don't know if it's just some sly dig...my other friend text me and asked if i was OK as she had noticed it became a little frosty...I don't want to reply as she is known to make a drama out of things...just feeling a little bit hurt...were all meant to be going out tomorrow night for another friend's joint birthday meal but don't feel like going as don't want any comments whilst eating.

OP posts:
Yoarchie · 01/10/2016 13:11

Sounds like she's trying to goad you into making a rude comment and then you will look like the bitch. I'd just say "no thanks".

My friends and I do eat from eachother's plates sometimes. Eg we ordered some food and hers came with four slices of toast Confused and mine came with none. So I had some of the toast off her plate. Or if you get a meal with something you don't like on it, you might offer it to others or they might offer it to you.

SnugglySnerd · 01/10/2016 13:16

Assuming you like and get on with the other people who are going tonight I think you should go and enjoy yourself with them and like someone else suggested, try to spend more time with them without these two bitchy friends.

ToastDemon · 01/10/2016 13:20

Unless you are really fond of anyone else in the group, I would step back from them.
Or step back anyway and just individually see the people who are genuinely nice.
Because both their texts were really horrible and I wouldn't have any interest in an ongoing friendship with them after that.

As you're being left out anyway, much easier to step back and not let them hurt you any further.

LetitiaCropleysCookbook · 01/10/2016 15:47

If she offers you her food again, you could take the plate, while saying "no thanks, but someone else might", and pass it round, trying other (just sayin') 'friend' first!

Daydream007 · 01/10/2016 19:03

She is awful. What a terrible way to behave. I'd have nothing to do with her.

TaliDiNozzo · 01/10/2016 19:33

They're arseholes, the pair of them. I can't stand this kind of behaviour.

Alidoll · 01/10/2016 19:59

Are these two ladies 15 or something!? Seriously both sound like prize bitches. Life is too short for that crap (and I'd be saying as much to them both). Ask them when the wedding is...when they ask "what wedding sweetie?"

"Yours, as you are obviously made for each other"

Who cares if they bitch between themselves after that, you're well out of it.

Had a girl at school that did the Wendy with my best friend. Turned everyone against me and made my life hell for several years...the reason, she was jealous and wanted everything I had. Looking back I can see what a sad pathetic girl she was - someone to be utterly pitied that she was so insecure about herself that she had to make others feel bad to make friends instead of joining in and making the group stronger.

If your "friend" is just that she"ll get bored with her and be back, if not then you've dodged the bullet with those two and wedding bells are apt.

ProseccoBitch · 01/10/2016 20:29

What a pair of cunts. Have you gone tonight? I think I'd ditch them.

BerylStreep · 01/10/2016 21:29

What cahs. That was a truly horrible text exchange. Thin friend is fat shaming you, and other friend is shit stirring and joining in the fat shaming. They are most definitely not your friends.

I don't know if you are going tonight, but if you are, I hope you try to enjoy it. I can't think it would be enjoyable feeling that those pair are analysing everything you eat.

Their behaviour tonight and in the future will be telling. I had a 'friend' years ago who used to make me the butt of her jokes. When I spoke with her privately and explained how it made me feel, she continued to do it, with the only difference being she would stop with mock horror and so 'oh no, I forgot, Beryl doesn't like me doing that'. She became an ex friend soon after (and then proceeded to stalk me as she was livid that someone would drop her).

You have had loads of suggestions for good comebacks, but honestly, I don't think they will change. I would pursue friendships within the group individually and if anyone questions it, just don't get drawn into whether there is an issue. Much as it would be lovely to say things like 'I just thought I'd distance myself because thin friend's food issue were becoming too draining to deal with' it could just get twisted and repeated.

Xxx to your lovely dh.

BerylStreep · 01/10/2016 21:29

What cahs. That was a truly horrible text exchange. Thin friend is fat shaming you, and other friend is shit stirring and joining in the fat shaming. They are most definitely not your friends.

I don't know if you are going tonight, but if you are, I hope you try to enjoy it. I can't think it would be enjoyable feeling that those pair are analysing everything you eat.

Their behaviour tonight and in the future will be telling. I had a 'friend' years ago who used to make me the butt of her jokes. When I spoke with her privately and explained how it made me feel, she continued to do it, with the only difference being she would stop with mock horror and so 'oh no, I forgot, Beryl doesn't like me doing that'. She became an ex friend soon after (and then proceeded to stalk me as she was livid that someone would drop her).

You have had loads of suggestions for good comebacks, but honestly, I don't think they will change. I would pursue friendships within the group individually and if anyone questions it, just don't get drawn into whether there is an issue. Much as it would be lovely to say things like 'I just thought I'd distance myself because thin friend's food issue were becoming too draining to deal with' it could just get twisted and repeated.

Xxx to your lovely dh.

BerylStreep · 01/10/2016 21:31

I feel so strongly about some things I have to post them twice. Blush

nattygk · 01/10/2016 22:37

She would of got told straight if it was me no need to Slag people of if there on curvy side put it this way I'd rather be curvy than stick thin and look like a poor Victoria BeckhamSmile

Expellibramus · 01/10/2016 22:56

'Yes I like my food, it's yours we both have an issue with'

16augustholiday · 01/10/2016 23:02

Hope tonight went ok if you went OP.

TheRollingCrone · 01/10/2016 23:26

Hi Op I'm hoping tonight went well

NinaSimoneful · 02/10/2016 00:11

Yes I like my food, it's yours we both have an issue with'

That's a good one. Or maybe "That's true, I do like my food. Not so keen on yours though."

RockinHippy · 02/10/2016 00:20

Shes a bitch & YANBU

Next time very politely throw it back at her, something like...

"Thats very kind of you, but are you okay, I've notice that you never eat much of your meal & always try & pass it off onto me instead, I'm starting to worry that maybe you are anorexic or something? Do you think just this once you could eat a normal amount & not try to hide not eating by giving it to me, then I won't need to worry about you" all done with the sweetest look of concern

Expellibramus · 02/10/2016 01:17

That's a good one. Or maybe "That's true, I do like my food. Not so keen on yours though."

Oh yes, good one!

lugwump · 02/10/2016 01:48

Phone the restaurant and explain to them that one of your party has an eating disorder so can they give her very small portions, but without mentioning it to avoid embarrassing her.

Gingernaut · 02/10/2016 04:35

I used to have a colleague who did this.

Ordered food, took a few mouthfuls and then declared herself so full she couldn't eat another bite.

It turned out she was the one with the anorexia-like eating disorder and couldn't bear to have anyone eating less than her.

So she set about ensuring no one did.

Fatty here, didn't bite and she got more and more unpleasant and pushy as the meal progressed.

Go to a buffet where you can eat what you like and get charged extra if food is left on the plate.

Or better yet, having read that text exchange, unfriend them on Facebook, block their numbers and go no contact because they are, by no means, friends.

nellypledge16 · 02/10/2016 04:46

I completely agree that those two are not your friends, more like frenemies!

If I'd been in your shoes I wouldn't have gone tonight, I'd have stayed in with my lovely supportive husband and let the miserable bitches get on with it.

As an ample girl myself (who isn't particularly happy or comfortable with my size) I can totally understand how you are feeling and it would break my heart, but you don't need people like that in your life.

Your Husband sounds lovely, as do you, hope you manage to cut the nastiness from your life x

Optimist3 · 02/10/2016 05:10

Loudly joke 'I'm not the bin'

Also 'I'm worried about your eating. Is there anything you want to chat about?'

StealthPolarBear · 02/10/2016 07:37

How did it go? I know it's a bit late now but I think an exasperated "stop it with this crap" is the best way to get the point across

moomoo1965 · 02/10/2016 07:48

Look at her with a confused expression and say "I think you've mistaken me for the bin - no thanks"

snapcrap · 02/10/2016 08:01

Agree with everyone else, they are not your friends, they are 100% fat shaming you and enjoying it too. They probably talk about you behind your back all the time. It's a cliche but people who bully are insecure and unhappy, just try and remember that and stay strong.