AIBU to think its just bizarre behaviour and rude to do this?

[Sparklyshoes16]

Today I went for meet up with a few friends and one of them didn't want to finish off their lunch so turned round to me in front of our group and said "I'm so full, here you finish this off", I declined and carried on with mine. We then ordered cake and coffee to finish off before going home, she had a very small bite of what she ordered and then again in front of everyone said "here you might as well finish this" again I declined and carried on eating what I had ordered. It was still sat there when we had all finished eating and she said "stop staring at it and have it if you want it" very loudly. I firmly said I don't want it and carried on talking/eating to everyone else I wasn't even looking at it. She has done this a few times in front of other people and I'm not sure why as I have never finished off someone else's meal (only my own family when I've been really hungry ). I'm quite large and she is VERY skinny so i don't know if it's just some sly dig...my other friend text me and asked if i was OK as she had noticed it became a little frosty...I don't want to reply as she is known to make a drama out of things...just feeling a little bit hurt...were all meant to be going out tomorrow night for another friend's joint birthday meal but don't feel like going as don't want any comments whilst eating.

i wouldnt mention anorexia incase that is a problem

but just say oh what a waste why did u order it?

I think I'd have said " Ewwwwww, no thanks, why would I want your left over food?" very loudly.

'I honestly don't know where you've got the idea that I would want eat your leftovers, but I wish you'd stop asking, you passive aggressive weight shaming knob end

I have a friend who always mentions that she can't possibly eat it all . She doesn't offer it to anyone in particular but she always announces how full she is (by eating a tiny portion) she is also stick thin as well . I think these people are not naturally thin they are obsessed with food and want people to acknowledged that they look like they don't eat much. I do feel sorry for her

Could you manage to completely ignore her, as if there is no way on earth she could possibly have been talking to you. Just continue your stream of conversation (or start one).

And if she has the nerve to repeat herself, look astonished and wonder aloud "why on earth you would offer your sloppy leftovers to somebody else...how peculiar... " and then turn away, roll your eyes to the rest of the group in a sympathetic we-were-right-she's-gone-doolally-way and start talking about Bertha's recent hysterectomy or Elsie's new cat etc.

look up 'relational aggression' because this is what it is. Usually seen in felmale cliques its behaviour designed to undermine your social standing. Think 'Queen Bees' at school, some never grow out of it!

Or, if you genuinely can't ignore her (she piped up in a natural lull etc)...

Let her say it. Wait an uncomfortably long time while just looking at her. If you are able to raise one eyebrow too, do that.

Then do your best "aaaaanyway...!" and completely change the subject as if she's an embarrassing drunk friend who just wet herself.

That was flat out nasty, and she is is the sort of person I wouldnt bother with. IDK why the rest of the group tolerate that kind of bitchiness.

yes, rude and insulting. Don't let her ruin your evening out with your friends. Sit as far away from her as possible. Tell her how you feel when you meet see her alone. .

After declining, you could take it upon yourself to offer the food loudly to the rest of the table. "Oh, BitchFriend ordered this such-and-such but she doesn't want it now, would you like some Bev? How about you, Margaret? Lisa, would you like some of BitchFriend's unwanted food?" Make sure everyone knows what she's doing.

You could even go round offering it to other tables. Make sure you point at her when you explain

I'd have a quiet word as MadasaBag says before or during the meal.

No way would I want to spend the evening doing back and forth barbed comments and tinkly little laughs. She may not get those or she may choose to ignore those comments from you!

If she ignores you after the quiet word and carries on you may have to decide not to sit next to her or just alert the others that she's being nasty, which she is.

If she does it tomorrow maybe do a concerned: "Awww are you off your food again hun, thought you were looking a bit peaky." Then turn away and start talking about something else.

I had a friend with an eating disorder who confessed to me once that she would often offer food to 'a fat girl' at work to see if she would accept it. Because she thought this girl had no self control and was testing her.

It was very, very fucked up. This friend had massive issues around control and food and was extremely rigid about other things as well - what time she went to bed, how many drinks she'd allow herself to have on a night out, etc.

I don't see her any more.

Your friend sounds a bit like that.

It's not 'odd' or 'weird'. What it is, is a deliberate attempt by her to fat shame you. As others have said, she is a grade A bitch and is no friend.
Next time she says that don't stand for it and don't let her embarrass you. Retort with something like 'Why do you keep insisting I finish your food? What are you trying to say?' And let her squirm. What a cow.

Lord, what is wrong with these women?

How did the others react, OP?

I had a friend who was always buying me boxes of chocolates when I was dieting, talk about trying to sabotage!

Thanks everyone these comments have made me giggle! I thought I was going mad...but i mentioned it to my husband just now and he's noticed it too when we've all been out together. She offers food in a "ooh try this" or "o my gosh i'm so full someone finish it" and someone on the table one of my husbands friends will finish it!! but recently to just me...I'm the largest out of our group of friends obviously I'm human and it does affect me when I think about my size but tend to shrug it off. I'm not loud and extroverted I like to be 'normal'.

I feel in a bit of a pickle as slowly but surely I've built my friendship group, I don't want to sound childish but we were very good friends but then as soon as I got married she completely changed towards me...I decided that I wasn't going to be miserable when planning my wedding so didn't do diets and bought a dress in my size. A few weeks before the wedding she changed towards me and became difficult not turning up to fittings...at the time she was having issues with her boyf/fiance so put it down to that she didn't have many friends at the time so introduced her to my friends which one of were also my bridesmaids the rest from my home town...recently they've been meeting up without me which was fine as obviously I can't be there all the time...but noticed pictures of nights out that no one had told me about or tag ins on shopping trips etc...to be honest I was surprised but secretly glad that I'd been invited to today's meet up. Just feels like she is friend stealing (sorry that sounds childish but it's how i feel) I have another set of friends that I wont introduce her to because of this I have confided in a friend who doesn't live in the same city and she has said ditch her but then the other set of friends don't live here...I stayed on in my uni city so don't have close friends here. Just not sure what to do if it happens again I will definitely be saying what Elspeth said!

If she does it again why not say "you really should stop ordering all this food if you can't eat it, you did this last time we went out" and draw attention to the fact that she keeps doing it. She's being spiteful.

Sparkly, it sounds like she has issues with food, and thinks of you as her personal garbage can.

Sorry, but I'd ditch her, or make sure I never sat near her again.

She has a problem, but I'd distance from her.
You sound lovely, but sometimes you just have to drop the jealous scorpion.

A pp said perhaps she has an eating disorder. Why not just say that in the text to the other friend? 'I'm good. I am a bit concerned about so and so though. She kept leaving her food and asking me to eat it for her. Perhaps the sign of an eating disorder? Worrying.'
Then leave it at that.

It is horribly rude. She is trying to deflect some issue of her own, I expect, but there is no reason to allow her to humiliate you as part of that. I would speak to her about it.

Definitely go out, don't let her stop you!

I'd probably do it back to her but with drinks, leave a tiny bit of water in your glass and keep offering it to her. It might even help her wash down some of her dinner so she can finish it off.

But seriously don't be too upset by it, she sounds batshit.

It sounds a lot like she has issues with food/restrictive eating/fear of weight gain. Especially with what you've said about her behaviour during the run up to your wedding - if she thinks that being fat is something to be feared and being fat would ruin her life, it must be difficult to square up in her mind that she is restricting food and skinny and having issues with her fiance, while her larger friend is not dieting and is in a happy and successful relationship.

Try not to take it personally. It's not really anything to do with you. I wouldn't mention eating disorders to her or to mutual friends as it might get you accused of jealousy and shit-stirring.

I'm not sure of what the others think toffeeboffin , the one who text me I thought well i'm not that close to you and you like to make things bigger than they are so I won't respond to you...the one who offered me food can be very influential!! We've got a friend who is in the same circle of friends obsessing about her exercise routine at the mo...at first it was great and we all supported her saying that's great you want to get fit but now it feels uncomfortable as she's tweeting, facebooking about her daily workouts and the other friend is saying keep going you will get to that 'thin' goal!

Some great suggestions above! She's an arse. I'd probably have eaten her cake though.