AIBU to think its just bizarre behaviour and rude to do this?

[Sparklyshoes16]

Today I went for meet up with a few friends and one of them didn't want to finish off their lunch so turned round to me in front of our group and said "I'm so full, here you finish this off", I declined and carried on with mine. We then ordered cake and coffee to finish off before going home, she had a very small bite of what she ordered and then again in front of everyone said "here you might as well finish this" again I declined and carried on eating what I had ordered. It was still sat there when we had all finished eating and she said "stop staring at it and have it if you want it" very loudly. I firmly said I don't want it and carried on talking/eating to everyone else I wasn't even looking at it. She has done this a few times in front of other people and I'm not sure why as I have never finished off someone else's meal (only my own family when I've been really hungry ). I'm quite large and she is VERY skinny so i don't know if it's just some sly dig...my other friend text me and asked if i was OK as she had noticed it became a little frosty...I don't want to reply as she is known to make a drama out of things...just feeling a little bit hurt...were all meant to be going out tomorrow night for another friend's joint birthday meal but don't feel like going as don't want any comments whilst eating.

[Dontpanicpyke]

Glad to catch up op.

What absolute stupid thick and boring cows. You well shot lovely and well done for ditching them. Total idiots.

[mimishimmi]

She was being nasty. Avoid her in future. A certain type get pissed off if you don't constantly praise them for/note their slimness in comparison to yourself and try to force the topic with crap like this. What a jerk.

[Sparklyshoes16]

Dustarr73 yes was thinking to do that but then thought it's more hassle than it's worth...they live making people feel small and I don't! I did however have a blitz of replacing photos of them with my real friends...the house feels so much warmer...

ItshouldhavebeenJess definitely quality not quantity feels so much better knowing I have nothing to do with them anymore just feel abit lonely knowing there's no one close by but again it's definitely better than how I've been feeling in the past!

[ItShouldHaveBeenJess]

Ah, sparkly - quality, not quantity. I only have three real friends, but they are worth a hundred less supportive ones! I think it's a rite of passage - you get a little wiser as you get older regarding who really values you and who doesn't . I'm proud of you for taking a stance. It had to be done.

[dustarr73]

Well done op,and i would like the pictures.Drive them mad it will.Put your own ones up and gush about teh fantastic night.food was fab.

[Sparklyshoes16]

Yes they did and it's not the first time they've done it Youthecat it used to really upset me then they would convince me I was being sensitive. I went to see my friends who don't live in this city took photos with them and it felt nice to be included. Been a strange day of euphoria mixed with ok I have no friends here now but regardless it's a damn sight better than the way I've been feeling for the last few years

[Sparklyshoes16]

Ooh not good Berylstreep...that's exactly how I feel tired and rather annoyed with myself that I hadn't sorted this years ago...just glad I've finally woke up...husband's friend's wife is lovely but she's away a lot arranged to meet up with her when she gets back

[BerylStreep]

I'm glad to hear you got rid of them.

I knew a girl once (who was like a flipping limpet when I was travelling - clearly didn't actually like me, but wanted to have someone to travel with. I finally got rid of her by pretending to go on a buddhist retreat in Thailand), anyway she used to ask to try on anything I had just bought and then would spend ages inspecting how the waistband gaped on her. It became most tiresome.

I recall she had really complicated friendships with lots of lies told to different people. She was exhausting.

[YouTheCat]

So after the meal, they sent you loads of photos of them out enjoying themselves without you?

I don't think I have ever heard anything so low and childish in my entire life... and I've known some right twats.

You are well rid.

[Sparklyshoes16]

Fair enough Chickensalad I can see your point, yes there were people who didn't know what has been going on...they do now due to husband's friend's wife telling them! The next morning I received lots of messages with photos of them out and lots of photos from nights out from months ago with posts of "best friends group", "best of the best" comments (I was not in any of the pics) etc and I was constantly wandering what I have done? Today I decided that I deserve better! After more posts and feeling rubbish I have ditched them for good reading the advice on here has really sunk in!!
Wibble753 yes I do think it is an eating disorder and over the years I have tried to be as supportive as possible but she uses me as the 'fat friend' to make herself feel better as I've slowly come to realise...I've never had an issue going into shops such Zara, Topshop and Dorothy Perkins with her but when she has said "That would look great on you...pity" and then when we do go into my size shops such as Simply Be or Yours and she holds up the biggest size possible against herself and laughs like a mad woman I just look back and think no this is not an eating disorder this is 'relational aggression' up until the meal I have been there for her every step of the way but there's only so much straw a camel can take.
Diamondandpurls that is EXACTLY how I feel

[Diamondsandpurls]

Personally I think that what sparkly did was fine, its like when you're younger and the bullied one eventually gets so fed up they punch the bully. The bully realises the child is not to be messed with and leaves them alone. Not to advocate violence or making mean comments but sparkly stood up to the bully and hopefully now that'll be the end.

[Wibble753]

Could this be to hide an eating disorder? You did say she was "very skinny"?

Easy way to divert attention?

[ChickenSalad]

chicken don't know if you RTFT but sparkly could never sound as bad as the Wendy

Not sound as bad to us, maybe, but I was thinking of another member of the group or waiting staff who did not know the background. I had read all the OP's posts and stand by my comment.

[Sparklyshoes16]

That should have said shouldn't have said those things.

[Sparklyshoes16]

Chicken salad I am certainly not hiding behind my husband I would have been happy to go on my own but he came not only for me but because his friend and wife were going. For ages I have always kept quiet and when snide or nasty comments have been made I've ignored them and tried to let it wash over me...this time however I just couldn't...it's probably years of feelings of I've been there for 'friend stealer' and 'gossip queen' so why are they horrible well I now know why thanks to the articles about relational aggression! Yes maybe I should have said those things but I honestly wonder what you would have done in my situation? If you had been told constantly "why are you eating that...that's so fattening!!! Do you not know how to eat healthily?" (It was a jacket potato tuna and cheese) Very publicly and loudly!! Or 'O no I couldn't eat all that...A salad!! But then eat a full tub of biscuits...gossip friend has literally turned into her copying everything she does!! I suppose something just snapped! I got sick of comments about what I was eating...then what I wear!! I hope what's happening to me never happens to anyone.!!

[TheRollingCrone]

chicken don't know if you RTFT but sparkly could never sound as bad as the Wendy. Nice for nice, and horrible for horrible as me out Gran used to say.
And as for hiding behind her husband what?

[ChickenSalad]

I would disagree here and don't think it was dealt with well at all at the dinner and made the OP sound as bad as the frenemy for throwing back personal insults. Better to give a derisory laugh at their comments, not respond directly or try to justify yourself and say "I see your attitude hasn't improved." Then ignore them and talk to others. And don't hide behind your husband.

[Thatsmeinthecorner2016]

I'm skinny. Would never make comments like this. She seems to have food issues, probably an eating disorder.
Is she a former overweight person? I found those the nastiest of all the 'fat is bad' bunch. I had a colleague who called the overweight people pigs and would speak with disgust about anyone with extra pounds. She had lost lots of weight and liked showing it off in skimpy clothes.

[user1470269632]

Crikey, they sound like the typical nasty, unkind, backstabbing bitches that every playground has at drop off/pick up time! To say I loathe them is a tad of an understatement! They're the ones who brag about their husband's salary, how much their homes are worth, the dinner parties' they have (name dropping of course😴, etc.

Ultimately, they have extremely shallow lives, indeed. They may have wardrobes of sparkly outfits, shoes, hand bags and be dripping in jewellery (and name drop about all that crap too). However, these women are as bored as hell on the inside, know full well that their husband is being totally unfaithful to them with several other women, feel very insecure themselves and have a body image problem in how they see themselves. They're afraid they'd lose control by eating another cake or having another coffee. They tend to drink mineral water only and nothing else, whatsoever. God forbid, a biscuit.
They make everyone else's lives feel awful, making others insecure about themselves, by making snide, unkind and unnecessary remarks. During this period of time, I've noticed that these women start to develop frown lines, jowls, snarl lines, sun spots and generally start to look very aged against their peers. I guess all that drinking and sun damage from all those holidays does take its toll after all.
However, whizz forward another ten years, and they look bitter and twisted, They're divorced. The only men in their life's tend to abuse them. Gone are the fancy clothing (sold off for peanuts), the dripping jewels to pay off various bills, the nice car, plus everything else, including the house.
She's now living in a one bed council flat on a rough estate somewhere and extremely lonely. even her husband has moved on. The bed and various bits of furniture are from freecycle and she can't get a job because she has no skills.
Apart from being a cold digger, of course. That's why she's eating like there's no tomorrow; because they may well not have any food whatsoever tomorrow...

[TheRollingCrone]

Oh sparkly I've just done a little dance round the kitchen!

Actually start at that end first she looks starving BOOM!

I think sparkly is my new girl crush

So glad you and DH went on to have a fantastic evening!

[ItShouldHaveBeenJess]

It's been a painful revelation, sparkly, but a revelation nonetheless. Aah. And breathe. Good to hear your DH is so supportive and you have other decent, genuine friends. Was vaguely shocked to hear they are in their thirties!

[GeekyWombat]

Congratulations Sparkly on shutting this nonsense down and (mostly ;)) rising above it. Your husband sounds fab too.

[Sparklyshoes16]

Berylstreep I really like these ideas! but she's like a chameleon...she'll turn and do anything to suit whoever...I never noticed this before...until I started looking it up! Ah well at least I'm aware now it's been ages since I've felt this sure about stuff and looking forward to a weekend with really nice people!

[BerylStreep]

YY the FB PA games are boring and predictable.

I had a frenemy once who just loved to feed off drama or any hint of discontent in other people's relationships. I think it made her feel better about her own toxic relationships (with everyone, not just her DH).

Funnily enough she tried to Wendy me. I got around it by meeting up with a couple of friends in the group who I really liked, to do things only we were interested in - a particular sport that Wendy didn't do, or seeing them at a particular place we visit all the time and Wendy didn't. It just made it easier to see them that way without causing a drama of not inviting Wendy. Just last week I met one of my friends who told me that Wendy was insufferably rude and that she would never ever be meeting up with her again.

I just agreed sympathetically.

[2kids2dogsnosense]

I'd be the same Bogey.

"Everything's fab - what a great night out we had! Really looking forward to when we all get together again. Why do you ask?"