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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think its just bizarre behaviour and rude to do this?

284 replies

Sparklyshoes16 · 30/09/2016 14:57

Today I went for meet up with a few friends and one of them didn't want to finish off their lunch so turned round to me in front of our group and said "I'm so full, here you finish this off", I declined and carried on with mine. We then ordered cake and coffee to finish off before going home, she had a very small bite of what she ordered and then again in front of everyone said "here you might as well finish this" again I declined and carried on eating what I had ordered. It was still sat there when we had all finished eating and she said "stop staring at it and have it if you want it" very loudly. I firmly said I don't want it and carried on talking/eating to everyone else I wasn't even looking at it. She has done this a few times in front of other people and I'm not sure why as I have never finished off someone else's meal (only my own family when I've been really hungry Smile). I'm quite large and she is VERY skinny so i don't know if it's just some sly dig...my other friend text me and asked if i was OK as she had noticed it became a little frosty...I don't want to reply as she is known to make a drama out of things...just feeling a little bit hurt...were all meant to be going out tomorrow night for another friend's joint birthday meal but don't feel like going as don't want any comments whilst eating.

OP posts:
DudeWheresMyVulva · 01/10/2016 07:39

YY to the gaslighting.

She's a bitch.

I had a 'friend' who used to gaslight too, among other things. I actually kept her e-mails in a separate folder so that whenever I thought that maybe I was overreacting and 'she didn't mean it' I would re-read to see what I thought. It kept me from running back to her like a puppy which is what she wanted me to do.

I'd kick those friends to the kerb to be honest. Why put yourself through another night like that?

Helmetbymidnight · 01/10/2016 07:40

They are enjoying bullying you. Unless you can count on the others there being nice ie normal, I would struggle to go.

myfriendnigel · 01/10/2016 07:53

'Just sayin' ugh.
She is being a patronising and horrible bitch.Just sayin.

Bad enough the Initial behaviour-now woman 1 has got your other friend involved and she has jumped on the band wagon.childish and unpleasant.Phase them out op, you don't need them.
Go out tonight. Act as you normally would. Then just fuck them off. Don't explain it to them if they ever ask why you have distanced yourself.leave them to wonder (I doubt they'd get their seemingly tiny minds around it). You are better than them and you deserve better friends.

flanjabelle · 01/10/2016 07:59

Agree with the above that these are not your friends. They are clearly getting some kick out of being nasty and gossiping behind your back. That is low, school girl behaviour.

You are worth more than that op.

I would only go tonight if there are others in the group that you get on with really well. If anything comes up tonight I would just give a confused and concerned look and ask "why are you still being weird about food? I'm getting a bit concerned now. Is everything OK?" And leave it at that.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 01/10/2016 08:06

I'm a big woman and recently a "frenemy"of mine from my past asked to meet up out of the blue and was vvvv pushy about it and backed me into a corner so I couldn't refuse ( I WAS also bloody curious to be honest) . I knew she had an agenda for meeting up , sure enough, she has successfully given up smoking lost a dress size , now size eight, and looks totally smashing, all three women there have middle age spread and she just wanted to make herself feel smug, one of the group kept telling her how great and young she looked ( had to cross my legs elst I'd have kick boxed her in the gob)
As for your friend she totally makes herself feel better by being around you the fatter/ sadder/ " greedier" you are the more excited she will be- this is only going yo get more toxic and addictive to be in this group.... Your call, can you do one to one quality meet ups with real pals?

witsender · 01/10/2016 08:09

Other friend is not your friend.

ethelb · 01/10/2016 08:16

My FIL does this. my FIL is a twat.

I had a friend who did this. She was an anorexic going through a tough time but none the less her behaviour was not acceptable and drove a wedge between us.

Both times I was a size 10/12.

KayTee87 · 01/10/2016 08:22

I think you and your husband should go and your husband should speak his mind. They're being childish and bitchy and need to be pulled up. They clearly want to pretend you're over sensitive so maybe if someone else said something they would be embarrassed into apologising. Either way these women are not your friends, I'm really angry for youAngry

Mix56 · 01/10/2016 08:25

Some great ideas here !
Yes, do you split the bill ? because, you should call her on it.

"Why would you order all that & then try & shovel it into me & expect us all to pay?" is this ome kind of warped humiliation game that I don't have the the rules for?
or, "perhaps you should just order a child's meal, it will cost us all less".
or pass your husband your phone & say, "get ready for the photo, this cake is going in her face in 5 seconds"

No really, cut her off. yes she is Wending you, she will cause nothing but misery

AbyssinianBanana · 01/10/2016 08:45

You could roll your eyes and say, no dear... I'm not your mummy. Honestly, are you 5?!

2kids2dogsnosense · 01/10/2016 09:07

Admiral
Tell her to ask for a doggy bag

Or a bitchy bag . . .

2kids2dogsnosense · 01/10/2016 09:09

Thank you Spanky - and nice to know where the term came from.

franincisco · 01/10/2016 09:11

Haven't RTFT so apologies if this has already been mentioned, but I had a friend with an eating disorder who did things like this. It made her feel good to have the self control not to eat what was in front of her, yet she got a lot of pleasure seeing other people eat.

Realhousewivesofshit · 01/10/2016 09:24

Are you going op?

CoYoAddict · 01/10/2016 09:31

I agree with fran

If she ever does anything like this again, and if she mentions it at all tonight, even in a jokey way, I think you should just look her in the eye and say very seriously

'Do you have an eating disorder? Because you seem to be strangely fixated on what other people eat while eating very little yourself and I'm concerned that you might be projecting an unhealthy relationship with food onto me. either that or you are just being very passive aggressively mean about the fact that I am fatter than you are. Which is it?'

Viiolettheorgangrinder · 01/10/2016 09:40

I'd embarrass her back and with a sympathetic voice ask her if she's one of those weird feeders that have been in the news recently?

rookiemere · 01/10/2016 09:43

That's so horrible, and the other "friend" sounds just as bad.
The going shopping offer from the nasty piece of work is just a ploy to make you feel that your existing clothes aren't good enough.

Trouble is if you do go for a jugular response about the eating disorder, then that will make everyone at the table look at you. It sounds like your DH is on board, so if she tries any funny business tonight, perhaps he could do the witty retort "Stop trying to get my DW to eat your sloppy seconds you bitchy weirdo".

rookiemere · 01/10/2016 09:44

Oops my strikethrough didn't work. He shouldn't say you bitchy weirdo out loud - much as she deserves it.

DuggeesPoncho · 01/10/2016 09:45

"Would you like my leftover food?"
"No thanks. If you're having trouble paying for it, I'm sure we can all chip in to help you out."

She's a bitch. She has problems that she is trying to make into your problems. It's a shame that your gossipy friend is loving to stir up the drama.

Fuck 'em. They're twats.

witsender · 01/10/2016 10:01

They are a right pair of bitches...and they are not your friends.

"Look, you seem to have an issue with my appearance. Which is odd, because I don't."

Would be my reply.

TeachingPostQuery · 01/10/2016 10:52

Love AbyssinianBanana's text to the gossipy friend.

GabsAlot · 01/10/2016 11:19

after reading the text exchange i do feel for you

i would still go and let dh say his piece surely youre not not being too sensitive if he notices aswell

dont let them push you out

TimeIhadaNameChange · 01/10/2016 11:22

I think your best bet would be not to engage with her games. So if she does offer you anything tonight just turn to her, smiling, say "No thanks" then continue your conversation with whoever (or if you weren't in the middle of one turn to your DH with something important you've just remembered and have to tell immediately).

Don't let it show that she's got to you. Smile brightly and act as though it was an insignificant interruption. And if she asks again, go more out on positiveness. Might be a tad harder now she knows she's upset you but start with a clean slate.

She's looking for a reaction. As a PP said, she can then point out to your friends how unreasonable and sensitive you are, putting you in a bad light. Don't give her any grounds to do this. But at the same time don't play her game and try and put her down, she'll turn it round to you.

TallulahTheTiger · 01/10/2016 11:41

Agree with many pp- she is wendying you- other friend is a prize bitch also for her 'hunning' (just sayin Envy vom!). Go with your lovely DH and sadly if needs be, detach from this nest of vipers (and not like lovely MN vipers) and try and move on. interactions with friends are meant to make you feel good, not down and thinking negatively about yourself while having to analyse everything.

fliptopbin · 01/10/2016 12:52

I think I would be tempted to find an excuse not to go to this meal, and also to disengage from this group. Life is too short for bitchiness and barbed comments.