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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think its just bizarre behaviour and rude to do this?

284 replies

Sparklyshoes16 · 30/09/2016 14:57

Today I went for meet up with a few friends and one of them didn't want to finish off their lunch so turned round to me in front of our group and said "I'm so full, here you finish this off", I declined and carried on with mine. We then ordered cake and coffee to finish off before going home, she had a very small bite of what she ordered and then again in front of everyone said "here you might as well finish this" again I declined and carried on eating what I had ordered. It was still sat there when we had all finished eating and she said "stop staring at it and have it if you want it" very loudly. I firmly said I don't want it and carried on talking/eating to everyone else I wasn't even looking at it. She has done this a few times in front of other people and I'm not sure why as I have never finished off someone else's meal (only my own family when I've been really hungry Smile). I'm quite large and she is VERY skinny so i don't know if it's just some sly dig...my other friend text me and asked if i was OK as she had noticed it became a little frosty...I don't want to reply as she is known to make a drama out of things...just feeling a little bit hurt...were all meant to be going out tomorrow night for another friend's joint birthday meal but don't feel like going as don't want any comments whilst eating.

OP posts:
BerylStreep · 30/09/2016 18:39

Loudly 'I know you struggle to eat ' long pause to ensure everyone is listening 'but I'm really not in to sloppy seconds'

Waltermittythesequel · 30/09/2016 18:40

I think some of the comments on this thread aren't any better than your friend's behaviour OP so I wouldn't sink to levels like that.

Because that makes you just as bad as her.

If she says anything else just say "I don't want your leftovers, thanks. And I don't ever eat someone else's leftovers, so you can stop offering."

AnythingMcAnythingface · 30/09/2016 18:42

Waltermittythesequel that is definitely the highroad ... ignore what I said and do that OP! (bows head shamefully!)

WeeMadArthur · 30/09/2016 18:45

Yes it does sound like you are being Wendied - I would be concerned that she is trying to upset you so when you react she can act shocked and hurt (I was only offering her some cake and she snapped at me) so your friends think that you are the one being difficult and take her side. Tread carefully.

YouTheCat · 30/09/2016 18:48

Tbh, the lot of them sound like shit friends.

Distance yourself and find some new ones.

You are being 'wendied' definitely.

spanky2 · 30/09/2016 18:51

3 steaks Pam and big fat Sue! Gavin and Stacey.
She is making a point that you obviously eat all the pies whereas she is just having a taste as she has self control. Me and my friend talk about this superior attitude of some women. I'm overweight (a lot) and I've never finished someone else's meal.
Ask her why she thinks you want her leftovers. She is being an arse. Don't let her make you feel bad about yourself. She obviously has problems and is projecting onto you. Maybe she's hangry!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 30/09/2016 19:01

I would ask her, straight out - "Why do you think I would eat your leftovers? What are you implying?" - and give her a hard stare.

dodobookends · 30/09/2016 19:06

What she is doing with food (eating a tiny amount and then persuading other people to try/finish it) is typical of someone with an eating disorder, sorry to say Sad and it seems possible she may have a real problem. I don't think that this is a dig at you at all.

nanny3 · 30/09/2016 19:12

she is being mean tell her to eat it herself

greedygorb · 30/09/2016 19:24

I would've said 'Why. 'Cos I am fat?'. While laughing and smiling. I've had something similar done to me before. Stops them.

KayTee87 · 30/09/2016 19:24

I would get new friends op - one is being mean about your size and another I known for making a drama out of nothing. Who needs enemies eh Flowers

AnythingMcAnythingface · 30/09/2016 19:26

What about saying, "if you don't shut the fuck up I will eat you!"

Too much...?

StealthPolarBear · 30/09/2016 19:32

I'd say
if I'd wanted two slices I'd have ordered two slices. I know my own appetite thanks.

HerFaceIsaMapOfTheWorld · 30/09/2016 19:33

Shes an absolute bitch not your friend, it is an indirect.

AnnieOnnieMouse · 30/09/2016 19:38

Yup, I think she's trying to Wendy you, too.
I think the reply of 'If I'd wanted 2 slices I'd have ordered 2 slices' keeps the focus squarely on you, rather than risking saying something rude about her.
(Wendying is when someone you've introduced to a friendship group pushes you out of the group. It bloody hurts!)

ChatEnOeuf · 30/09/2016 19:38

This screams eating disorder to me. A friend used to offer her dinners to us (I was skinny at university, but she offered to everyone). She wanted a clean plate to show she was making progress but really wasn't. No logic, but that's an eating disorder for you. Sad.

Even if she is just being a bitch (and discarding cake in the process??), a simple 'no, thank you, and can you please stop offering - it's a bit weird' would probably suffice.

SnugglySnerd · 30/09/2016 19:42

It does sound like she's probably being a bitch but just in case she possibly does have an eating disorder I'd avoid saying anything hurtful back. You do need to confront her though otherwise you will continue to feel uncomfortable.

Cubtrouble · 30/09/2016 19:43

I can't stand people who leave food in restaurants and then order more. Regardless of their size.

Or who order food and then whine and want to swap it or moan about it.

I bloody love food

MotherFuckingChainsaw · 30/09/2016 19:45

I'd do my best Ali G ' is it because I is fat?'

I think you do have to call her out on why she is offering it to you, and make her say out loud that she's deliberately choosing to put you down, socially because she thinks she is better than you because she's thin.

Make her say out loud to the group what a massive shallow judgmental twat she's being.

notthebees · 30/09/2016 19:50

This doesn't sound like an eating disorder - it sounds like spiteful manipulation.

Oldieandgoldie · 30/09/2016 20:09

I think I'd be doing the raised eyebrow, and saying 'What? Again? I'm beginning to get worried about the way you keep over-ordering food. Are you sure you're ok?' Lots of false (and loud!), care and concern.

(And if you're feeling really evil, ask your friends there too...What do you think, so-and so? Have you noticed how...? etc etc)

But in the real world, I'd be nice and kind, but also worried about her. And hiding my annoyance well.

EvansAndThePrince · 30/09/2016 20:47

"If I'd wanted two slices..." response is tactful I think. Makes it clear she's annoying you without risking putting your foot in it if she has an eating disorder. If it's an eating disorder then that would be sad but why is she only offering it to you now? If it's not...you're being Wendied. Don't let them Wendy you!

GabsAlot · 30/09/2016 20:52

i think everyone missed the post where her dh noticed she done it to someone else aswell

im with walter on this dont be like her wont make u any better and could well backfire on you

2kids2dogsnosense · 30/09/2016 21:10

FFS - WHAT IS "WENDYING"

StealthPolarBear · 30/09/2016 21:12

Getting into a group of friends and taking the lead on freezing another of the group out just because you can. Playground type stuff