AIBU to think its just bizarre behaviour and rude to do this?

[Sparklyshoes16]

Today I went for meet up with a few friends and one of them didn't want to finish off their lunch so turned round to me in front of our group and said "I'm so full, here you finish this off", I declined and carried on with mine. We then ordered cake and coffee to finish off before going home, she had a very small bite of what she ordered and then again in front of everyone said "here you might as well finish this" again I declined and carried on eating what I had ordered. It was still sat there when we had all finished eating and she said "stop staring at it and have it if you want it" very loudly. I firmly said I don't want it and carried on talking/eating to everyone else I wasn't even looking at it. She has done this a few times in front of other people and I'm not sure why as I have never finished off someone else's meal (only my own family when I've been really hungry ). I'm quite large and she is VERY skinny so i don't know if it's just some sly dig...my other friend text me and asked if i was OK as she had noticed it became a little frosty...I don't want to reply as she is known to make a drama out of things...just feeling a little bit hurt...were all meant to be going out tomorrow night for another friend's joint birthday meal but don't feel like going as don't want any comments whilst eating.

[JerryFerry]

JUST TO CLARIFY
Wendying is when you introduce a newish friend to an oldish friend or friends, and the newish friend moves in on your friends and starts to exclude you. It's fecking awful and it's everywhere. It's called Wendying because there were two threads run at a similar time and in both the perpetrators were called Wendy.

OP this person is not your friend, she is very much a Wendy and it won't stop here.
She has issues around food and she manages them by projecting onto others. You are a target for her because you represent what she cannot have, self confidence.
Because she is so screwed up, she will continue to behave in this way as it works for her. The PA texts, the snide remarks, the excluding you from social occasions.

Sadly, "other" friend sounds like a bit of a drip who feeds her own inadequacies with ridiculous carry on too.

Firstly, don't engage in any more texting about the lunch that's been or the night out ahead. Give yourself a break from that crap.

Secondly, do not stoop to PA remarks or "tinkly laughs" (wtf) advised by some on here, it's unbecoming and immature.

Thirdly, friends are meant to be supportive. I would seriously rethink these friendships, take a step back and perhaps focus more on making better friends or spending more time with existing friends who are genuine.

Your "friend" is a bitch and time spent with her is time wasted.

[Memoires]

Well, I think I'd let dh speak his mind. I would also say firmly that you don't want her sloppy seconds (that might make other people laugh which gets them on your side), and I would ensure I wasn't sitting too close to either of them. I would be very tempted to say something about passive aggressive responses.....

[Baylisiana]

You do sound lovely OP. You don't need to loathe your body. You should follow some of the plus size and body positive bloggers or instagrammers.
I am not saying you shouldn't lose weight if that is what you want, I understand and I am often on that quest myself for various reasons. By following the body positive movement though, you might find that hating your body or appearance is never one of those reasons. Getting to a weight that works for you is most likely to happen from a place of feeling secure and confident, for some people reasons to lose weight still exist but it makes the process healthier and less likely to fail.

I know it sounds impossible but times are changing and there is a world of new perspectives out there. I have to keep my weight down, for medical reasons my mobility is affected by any gain even still within the healthy weight range. Right now I need to knuckle down to the diet! So at first it was difficult for me to follow people who celebrate their size, but actually it is mostly about self worth and losing or gaining weight for the right reasons, such as medical, not from a place of hating yourself for not fitting a restrictive norm.

The way the women you are talking about deal with food and weight sounds so miserable. I hope they can overcome their problems with food and appearance in time. They may still be bitches though!

[Tartyflette]

sparkly there was an interesting thread on here a couple of weeks ago about some women's behaviour when eating with friends in a restaurant (they usually ask for a small portion) and then when the food arrives exclaim loudly that they couldn't possibly eat all that , implying they are a delicate flower of femininity with a bird-like appetite (in contrast to the other heffalumps at the table) and that after eating their skewer of raw veg they wouldn't be able to eat again for at least a week.

It's a form of weird one-upmanship, showing off their supposed control around food in contrast to anyone size 14 and up who is clearly a gluttonous lardarse and hence vastly inferior to the special one.

The thread consensus was that they were attention-seeking twats. Or had issues around food.

No advice to add to that given upthread but I hope you find some that helps.

[Amethyst81]

"You like your food" what an effing cheeky cow! How bloody dare she and other friend sounds just as bad they are being horribly bitchy. I wouldn't go to the meal and I would drop these two, they are not your friends. OP they are probably jealous of you, real friends don't give a crap about your size or how much you eat, they are very sad indeed. you don't need toxic people like this in your life.

[KickAssAngel]

So - who doesn't like their food? And how weird would it be to go out for a meal and order something you don't like, then eat it?

Yep, I like my food. I cook a dinner that I want to eat, and I order food I intend to enjoy when I go out. You know what else I do? Eat it.

[Duckafuck]

She's a passive aggressive bully who has a problem with your weight. Next time tell her you're sick of her sly digs and to shove her leftovers up her arse because she clearly has a problem putting them in her mouth.

[LetitiaCropleysCookbook]

Based on a pp's suggestion, if she tries offering you food off her plate again, I would catch the eye of a waitress/waiter and ask them to put 'friend's' leftover food in a doggy bag for her to take home. Then turn to 'friend' and say "there you are - waste not, want not!"

[SoMuchRoomForActivities]

Is she anorexic? You say 'SO skinny' but I'm not sure if that is just her shape or something else.

[CoYoAddict]

It's possible that she is very controlled around her own food intake and only allows herself a few mouthfuls of anything. Perhaps she's trying to get someone else to eat it because if it sits there untouched she'll be tempted to finish it herself.

Or she's fat shaming you. Or both. She sounds awful either way.

[SoMuchRoomForActivities]

Grab her hand. Look meaningfully into her eyes. And say, "How do you pull of being such a cunt without letting on to others?"

[MidniteScribbler]

"No thanks, the last time anyone tried your sloppy seconds he gave them the clap."

[CoYoAddict]

All this discussion about 'you liking your food, especially sweet stuff...' well we all like food, don't we? Including her - after all, she was GREEDY. She ordered the bloody cake too, having just admitted she was already too full to finish her main course. That is the definition of greed - taking more than you need or even really want, just because you can.

So who's to say you like cake any more than she does? Who is going to sit there and say to her 'Oooh! Cake! Naughty! Are you really hungry today? You love your food don't you. You are being greedy'

Because people never say that to thin women even if they finish the flipping cake whereas fat women get scrutinised all the time for everything they eat.

The subtle as a brick subtext here is that you clearly have no self control and while she will allow herself to order cake she has self respect and is capable of nibbling it and then leaving it whereas you will finish and enjoy yours. Plus you are fat. Ergo you must have no self respect and are clearly up for any amount of cake, including other people's leftovers.

[ChasingAPinkBall]

Don't go to the meal!
What horrid women!
You're worth more than that. You can easily find new friends who will respect you.
Don't go to the meal, go out with hubby instead. Hold your head high and walk away.

[StealthPolarBear]

Argh! They've managed to make it all about you and your insecurities and if you say anything else it will be construed as you prolog ing it or your sensitivity.
I really don't know the best way to handle it from here but if you go you'll be uncomfortable knowing everything you order and eat is being judged.
There must be others in the group who order and eat what they fancy surely?

[StealthPolarBear]

And all this "you like your sweet stuff" and "YOU always do" crap...making you feel like some sort of performance eater? You're normal and they clearly have issues both of the food and the bitch variety.

[CoYoAddict]

This is classic gaslighting. Insulting you in a passive aggressive way and then making out you are unreasonable for being upset.

YY to that.

[StealthPolarBear]

I think if anything at all is said tonight the best response would be to cut them off "hey leave me out of this strange fascination you both have with what I eat! It's not my issue it's yours, I have no particular sensitivities other than not being continually offered leftovers like some sort of human dustbin. You two are obsessed!"
tinkle little laugh

[Caipira]

Go to the meal with your head up OP. You're not oversensitive, you're human. Don't mention it again. Make a joke of it. When she puts her fork down, say something like "Please don't offer that to me even if I stare at it and start dribbling, because you know how sensitive I am".
She sounds like she has a lot of issues and the fact that she ran straight to another friend about it. 100% certain she didn't tell it like it was, she probably twisted it to make out you have issues. I'd send other friend the link to this thread. I can understand why you wouldn't want to though.

[AbyssinianBanana]

I'd go for the jugular and text the gossipy friend...

Not being sensitive at all but really worried about our poor friend .. She's always had issues with food- as long as I've known her, come to think of it. Worried about her latest need to announce to entire table what she doesn't eat on her plate and then single out a person to fat shame. I mean who does that, right? Off to google for some advice on how to best support her, poor thing.

[ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual]

God this is horrible. Exactly how many times did she manage to say 'you like your food' in that hideous little text exchange?!

You're apologising to her too much, tonight I think you need to practice being more steely. If she mentions ANYTHING about you and food, just stare at her and say 'this, again?'

Ignore your shit stirring friend. Quite apart from trying to cause trouble, telling you you're over sensitive and she's 'just saying' is a dick move. Don't get involved.

Be strong tonight, don't put up with any shit, and look closely at these so called friends. Unless they treat you much better, I'd make tonight the last outing.

[Whocansay]

She's trying to make you look greedy. If it gets mentioned again, I would make it into a joke and say you're getting concerned that she's a feeder and is grooming you.

I would ditch her, tbh. She's clearly an utter bitch and is pleased she's made you uncomfortable.

[mustbetimeforacreamtea]

At these ,meals do you split the bill? If so I'd be so tempted to offer it around the whole table saying "Wendy ordered this but didn't want it - as we're all paying for it can anyone else finish it?"

[StealthPolarBear]

Ps if you ever start to wonder if it's you remember you put that last text exchange on word for word and we all drew our conclusions. No one is defending them so far...

[CoYoAddict]

Other friend: Everything ok love? You and 'other friend' ok? seems abit tense...I dont think she means anything by offering food you know what she's like she never finishes a meal whilst you always do!! don't take it to heart hun you can be quite sensitive just sayin!


'Other Friend' is not being your friend in this.