To feel a bit sad about this gift

[Sendcoffeeandchocs]

OH has had flowers delivered for my birthday. I am very grateful for the gift and I know that I am lucky to have him.

However, I can't help feeling a little sad at the same time. The bouquet is pale pink and pale purple with a few white bits. These are colours that I just don't like. I do not wear anything in these colours, I do not buy anything for the house in these colours, and I avoid dressing our baby girl in these colours.
I have said to my OH so many times when I've bought flowers how much I love really brightly coloured ones.
He definitely knew what he was buying as the website they are from you choose by picture.

AIBU to feel a bit sad that after 9 years living together, he still doesn't know my taste at all?

Yanbu I understand how you feel. I get quite offended when my Dh does things like this. I can't help read into it more and feel it's like he just doesn't get me or care to get me. I pay attention to his likes and dislikes and gift accordingly so I'd appreciate the same level of consideration back. But like you I know in the grand scheme of things it's not a huge problem and I'm grateful for his gifts I'd just like him to pay a bit more attention to detail. Enjoy your day tho x

I'd be happy to accept flowers in any colour - it's a nice gesture. My late DH knew my preferences so got them right. Maybe, tactfully get some flowers with him in the future, pick out what you really like and hope the penny drops.

However, some people aren't good at presents and always seem to get them wrong. DH was once given a bright red jumper by his brother with the words, "It was the first thing we saw in the shop and were attracted to it. We've never seen you in red but..." Yes, the clues are there!

I'd be happy to accept flowers in any colour - it's a nice gesture. My late DH knew my preferences so got them right. Maybe, tactfully get some flowers with him in the future, pick out what you really like and hope the penny drops.

However, some people aren't good at presents and always seem to get them wrong. DH was once given a bright red jumper by his brother with the words, "It was the first thing we saw in the shop and were attracted to it. We've never seen you in red but..." Yes, the clues are there!

To be fair the colours on the picture may have been different to those sent.
A florist cannot always replicate a bouquet exactly, it depends on which flowered are delivered on the day.

YABU. He did a nice thing.

^ MrsJuerdoNorksko though, at 05.22. HAHAHA !!!
Jack Meoff. Indeed.

Aw MN HQ. It was funny.

I actually understand where you are coming from. I think flowers are a lazy present for a spouse's birthday.
I take flowers if I am visiting someone or send them for mothers' day - perfect occasion and I love receiving them then.
However if the entire thought that my dh put into my birthday was 'I'Il buy flowers' - and then not even knowing which ones I like?! I would not be impressed.

Why do women have such low expectations of men? It feels like a self perpetuating myth that men can't be thoughtful and we should just be grateful with what we get.
I know flowers are not of any interest to most of the men I know but certainly their wives' preferences are or should be. My dh knows I don't like orange, he would never buy me orange flowers. I know he doesn't like dark chocolate, I don't buy it for him. It's not rocket science to have a basic knowledge of what your partner likes and if the only effort you are going to make for their birthday is flowers, at least you should know that!

Fwiw OP if you are happy with only receiving flowers for your birthday that's great, if not, buy yourself a treat of something you really want! Happy belated birthday

You there! Woman! Your man has not only noticed the date of your birth, he has also gifted you this foliage! Be thankful and grovel! He's practically a super-human.

Honestly. I am surprised by the amount of mockery and venom people are throwing your way for daring to be a woman who would like her long term partner to notice her preferences.

The "aw you know what men are like, just be grateful you've got one" replies are terrible. And the thought doesn't count if it's a shit one.

It's really obvious what she meant - she spelled it out in the OP, she wasn't being dramatic or threatening divorce or saying she demanded diamonds. She said "a bit sad".

To the people saying "well you can just bin them in a few days you ungrateful cow", it's clearly not about the flowers as such, but the wider feeling of not feeling "known" or valued.

Of course it's not unreasonable to be a bit sad that someone doesn't even vaguely get your likes and dislikes by now. I bet it's a wider issue than just "another rubbish gift" though - are there other things you're feeling down about SendCoffee? Have you ever talked about it with him?

I kind of get you op...

It reminds me of the time my dh got me one of those jokey birthday cards about women getting drunk on wine...I'm virtually tee total

Oh ffs ...wisen up ! Your poor husband 😑 you sound like hard work to please

Yes YABU because stereotypical or not, many men don't engage with this stuff to the degree that women do.

My DH just wouldn't get the difference between pale and bright. Pink is pink is pink. No matter how many discussions about taste we had. So it would be entirely unreasonable for me to be disappointed in this.

I get where you're coming from, OP, at least kind of. Last birthday my DH got me a very large, very pink card with a twee poem inside - not my cup of tea at all. Almost anything else he could've picked up would be closer to my taste and I was really surprised he'd chosen it. When it comes from the adult you're meant to be closest to, you start wondering if they really notice what you're like as a person, and how much the wife in their head actually reflects the wife that they have!

OTOH, although I don't really go for pink in anything else, I personally wouldn't mind pink flowers - I think flowers are beautiful for their own sake, they're different somehow from things I choose to keep permanently or wear, so perhaps that's how your DH thinks too and it wouldn't occur to him to avoid particular colours in this instance.

It's also true that some people - not just men, people - don't care about colour and style much, and find it hard to understand strong preferences in something that they don't really 'see' as they go about the world. My DH is like that and so is a female friend of mine (who rather bizarrely went to art school!). They just don't register aesthetics as a thing when it comes to everyday living. It doesn't really matter what things look like. So remembering that it matters to me, and in what specific ways, is genuinely tricky for DH.

I agree it's lazy and not a lot of thought went into it, if he couldn't even bother picking out your favourite flowers. It is the thought that counts, and his said "can't be arsed." Clicking on a bouquet on a website is the Internet equivalent of petrol station flowers. Except even easier as you don't even need to stop at a station.

Foldeemort nailed it. I'll bet these men who don't notice flowers don't see mess either. But lol, aren't the funny silly men so adorable eh?

I don't often get to show off my DPs attributes on here, but the man knows flowers. I sometimes buy them for him. He always gets tulips or lilies, or daffs in spring. If he came home with a generic pink bouquet I'd assume it had been on special offer :) I can't imagine actively disliking any flower, but I do have strong favourites.

I think many couples (especially men) are unaware or just have a blind spot when it comes to their partners taste in many things.

Being kind and thoughtful makes up for this because 9/10 on the perfection scale is acceptable

some lucky women have perfection though

I think it's unusual to have such specific taste regarding flowers and that has influenced lots of the responses.
However, I think flowers are a bit of a crap present and wouldn't be over the moon.
For those saying 'it's the thought that counts', how much thought actually goes into ordering a bunch of flowers?

Are you kidding me, I'd love to get flowers more often. I could care less what colors they were. I've often had my birthday completely forgotten about, count yourself very bloody lucky and stop moaning. Get over yourself.

Keep up that shit eating smile, all you Stepford Wives.

Your relationship issues are your issues leave - and the op has a right to express her own feelings about hers.

It's really rubbish that you've felt forgotten about before (and I hope you've tackled it?) but she's somewhere on the same spectrum as you feeling that "someone doesn't know or care enough".

It's not a race to the bottom - if we do that then no one ever has a right to complain or feel about anything because there's always someone off worse than us.

I really do feel like I've wandered into an alternate reality sometimes where no one can ever look beyond themselves or empathise.

Cancel the cheque

I know what you mean. It is not being listened to. I get it.

It has taken me years to impress upon the DH that he shouldn't buy stuff for me without my seeing it. Flowers, he just doesn't do, but anything else, just no! My DM is the same and STILL buys me cheap plastic jewelry despite me never actually wearing the stuff at all, not even studs. I despair. I think it's lovely to receive gifts, but a shame if it's something the giver knows you won't use/like when it's been mentioned before. Yes, I'm an ungrateful cow. I'd rather people spent money on themselves.

I don't understand. Why set people up to fail, just give them a list before your birthday. It isn't grabby, it's helpful.

Because it's also very nice to be surprised by something you would never have thought about but is still something you very much like.
Whereas with a list, esp when it's DH buying, it feels like I am doing the shopping myself TBH. The money comes out of the same account, I've done the research to say 'this is what I want'. I might as well buy it myself (which I know some people do too. They chose, buy and wrap their own present given to them by their partner...)

Yabu. Seriously.