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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel a bit sad about this gift

188 replies

Sendcoffeeandchocs · 30/09/2016 14:31

OH has had flowers delivered for my birthday. I am very grateful for the gift and I know that I am lucky to have him.

However, I can't help feeling a little sad at the same time. The bouquet is pale pink and pale purple with a few white bits. These are colours that I just don't like. I do not wear anything in these colours, I do not buy anything for the house in these colours, and I avoid dressing our baby girl in these colours.
I have said to my OH so many times when I've bought flowers how much I love really brightly coloured ones.
He definitely knew what he was buying as the website they are from you choose by picture.

AIBU to feel a bit sad that after 9 years living together, he still doesn't know my taste at all?

OP posts:

JellyBelli · 30/09/2016 15:47

I have said to my OH so many times when I've bought flowers how much I love really brightly coloured ones.

YANBU. He doesnt listen and neither do most of the people who replied.

MargaretCavendish · 30/09/2016 15:49

I'm sorry too for snapping in my first response: I didn't realise you'd misinterpreted my post.

trafalgargal · 30/09/2016 15:50

Good thing he didn't buy you a car .......you'd have to have given it back as unlike flowers it won't disappear in a few weeks (although maybe if you left it unlocked in a car park with the key in the ignition it would then you could replace it with one of the right colour)

There are many things to feel sad about in the world, flowers that don't match your (healthy and happy) children's clothes are not top of many people's list.

MilkyMamma · 30/09/2016 15:52

YABU.

shovetheholly · 30/09/2016 15:53

I agree with Margaret - the bar some of you are setting is waaaay too low. You deserve to feel personally special on your birthdays. Don't put up with crappy presents!!

TaterTots · 30/09/2016 15:53

I think this thread has been saturated with sexist attitudes about 'men wouldn't notice

Yes, it's a stereotype - but stereotypes come from somewhere. For example, if you said to my dad 'Should we paint the wall blue or yellow?', he'd have an opinion. If you showed him a colour chart and said 'Which shade of blue should we go for?', I guarantee he'd look at you blankly and say 'They're all the same'.

pepperpot99 · 30/09/2016 15:53

What a ridiculous thread. Flowers which are not your preferred colour. Just listen to yourself OP. The only way to change the situation is tell him you don't like them. I dare you.

shovetheholly · 30/09/2016 15:54

The best interior decorator I know is a bloke. (And he's amazing). It's not true that men can't "do" colour. It's laziness.

MammouthTask · 30/09/2016 15:54

It seems that it's more than the color of the flowers though isn't it?
It's the fact he hasn't been able to think about naything that yiou might like for your b'day so went for the 'Oh let's do flowers, whatever I can find'.

I agree it is more about the fact he is crap at finding presents rather than the fact he doesn't know you at all after all these years.

MammouthTask · 30/09/2016 15:57

Tater you have forgotten something in your loop of expaination.
Stereotypes come from somewhere. From the attitude/behaviour of a lot of men. Said behaviour having been shaped by the same sexists setreotypes that they can't do colours, are crap at buying presenst and wouldn't even think about it.

So it's not so kuich that men aren;t capable. They are.
It's the fact they have been taught they can't or don't need to (just as girld are taught they can't do maths or that they are compassionate and caring btw).

The consequence of that is that the only way to change all that is treat men for what they are catually abkle to do and pushi them into doing all those things they supposedly aren't able to do.

VenusRising · 30/09/2016 15:58

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. An aesthetic sense is a life skill.
I know by saying that I'm going against the pervading dismissive and "outraged posters from tunbridgewells" who think you should be happy and delighted for any scraps at all from a husband no matter that they are generic and unsuitable and a waste of money

You do need to spell it out to your DH for next gift exchange time that you like xy and z and don't like ab and c.

My DH is thoughtful as they come and buys me exactly what I tell him. I surprise him with presents he never knew he wanted and loves.

Fwiw I like white flowers, hate freesias, though I like stocks, and I like roses, though not long stemmed red ones.
I like flowers that don't have too much of a smell, are not gerbers, daisy like or spiky.

I'm particular about lots of things, doesn't make me fussy or up myself, rather the opposite, as I'm thoughtful and considerate, and I buy personal not generic presents.

When I'm buying a gift, I actually think about the person, and buy things I know I've heard them talking about that they like. I'm exceptionally good at buying books for people for eg. which seems to be unusual.

Maybe print these colour fans out for your DH so he can buy you something personal and to your own personal taste next time!
The cheek of you, eh, with a "first world" personal preference and aesthetic sense?

Op I hope you have a happy birthday.

dowhatnow · 30/09/2016 15:59

Me and Shove seem to be the only ones who think YANBU

Danglyweed · 30/09/2016 16:01

YANBU, I got a mug! Cunting dh's

myownprivateidaho · 30/09/2016 16:02

I'm exceptionally good at buying books for people for eg

But you have no way of knowing this is true -- people's expressions of gratitude for a gift aren't a reliable indicator of their actual appreciation.

Gift giving is something that it's hard to learn about because people generally just say thanks I love it!

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 30/09/2016 16:06

I've been married 16 years and only just found out my DH hates apples! Imagine my chagrin! Imagine all the Golden Delicious, wasted. A perfect wasteland of Pink Ladies.

Mind you, he doesn't know I only like single varieties of flowers, never a mixed bouquet, and it must be an odd number of blooms too. Anything else is terribly non-U.

We're probably doomed.

GoBigOrange · 30/09/2016 16:21

I'll swim against the tide and say YANBU. It is crap when someone important to you just can't manage to notice something which matters to you - especially after having it pointed out to them multiple times.

I loathe Lilies and dislike carnations. I made this pretty clear to DH early on in our relationship. And fortunately he paid attention and has never bought them for me. It's just a small but important detail isn't it?

handslikecowstits · 30/09/2016 16:21

The only time my DH and I had a minor falling out over flowers was when he came home, presented the bouquet to me only reveal a bunch of stalks with no heads.

I never got to the bottom of where the heads had gone. (He's notoriously clumsy so anything could've happened to them. )

LogicallyLost · 30/09/2016 16:24

and it must be an odd number of blooms too. lmao, it's stuff like this that keeps me coming to this site.

MitzyLeFrouf · 30/09/2016 16:26

'it must be an odd number of blooms too'

Richaaaaaaaard. There are 80 blooms here. Remove one at once or find an 81st!

shovetheholly · 30/09/2016 16:28

highfives Dowhatnow

We should for The Alliance Supporting Spectacular Wonderful Individual Presents for Everywoman (ASSWIPE).

thecatsarecrazy · 30/09/2016 16:34

Don't worry they will be in the bin after a few days what ever colour they are. My dh bought be trousers for my b.d I'm 5 foot 1 and he bought long. It was the thought that counts

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 30/09/2016 16:45

he doesn't know I only like single varieties of flowers, never a mixed bouquet, and it must be an odd number of blooms too. Anything else is terribly non-U.

What?

I'll add to the tiny band of those who don't think the OP is being unreasonable. Never mind, OP, at least you got something.

Woody67 · 30/09/2016 17:13

Sometimeswonder, I think we are married to the same man!

BlancheBlue · 30/09/2016 17:22

Is this actually true?

AmeliaJack · 30/09/2016 17:51

Sendcoffee

So the issue isn't really that you don't like the flowers, it's that you think your DH doesn't take enough care or time to choose your presents.

That's an entirely different problem and would no doubt have received much more sympathetic responses.

Not all men are rubbish at buying presents my DH is brilliant at it. My Dsis had a significant birthday this year and I was struggling to find a gift - after 10 minutes online he found the perfect thing.

On the other hand I do find it frustrating that so many of my female friends seem to view presents as some time of test of their husband's love and devotion. They refuse to provide any suggestions and insist on a surprise and then complain.

If your partner isn't good at this provide a list of 3 or 4 suggestions. Don't set them up to fail.

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