To feel a bit sad about this gift

[Sendcoffeeandchocs]

OH has had flowers delivered for my birthday. I am very grateful for the gift and I know that I am lucky to have him.

However, I can't help feeling a little sad at the same time. The bouquet is pale pink and pale purple with a few white bits. These are colours that I just don't like. I do not wear anything in these colours, I do not buy anything for the house in these colours, and I avoid dressing our baby girl in these colours.
I have said to my OH so many times when I've bought flowers how much I love really brightly coloured ones.
He definitely knew what he was buying as the website they are from you choose by picture.

AIBU to feel a bit sad that after 9 years living together, he still doesn't know my taste at all?

I think YABQU.

DH buys me (and his mum) flowers that he thinks are pretty. He wouldn't take into account the house decor (mostly beige!) or what colour my jumper is (usually black), and to be honest, neither do I when buying for others.

I have not RTFT but just to say he could have chosen one thing and got sent a substitute?

I dress almost entirely in grey, teal, and navy. I can't imagine anyone successfully matching a bunch of flowers to me wardrobe palette!

Yes because men are children and that's why it's completely unreasonable to have expectations that they might buy thoughtful gifts. If a woman has such expectations then she is a giant meanie who is being completely unfair because he has already performed the amazing feat of remembering that his own wife has a birthday.

Issues much?

Sendcoffee, while you are being a little ungrateful, I do understand where you're coming from. However 10 years is still work-in-progress for some husbands; I've been with Mr Taghetti for almost 30 years now and we're finally getting somewhere on the present front!
To be fair to Mr Coffee, he has probably told a florist how much he wants to spend and they have chosen what was what was on special offer at the flowers wholesaler this morning seasonal. Just enjoy them while they last!
And happy birthday!

OP, it's not that you are unreasonable wanting gifts to be thoughtful, but you have very stringent requirements of thoughtfulness.

For example, I think it's very unusual for people to dislike flowers of a certain colour, even where they have very strong tastes about colours for clothes and interior design.

To take your other example, a lot of people wouldn't think that a bracelet was a bad gift because they don't often wear bracelets (from one perspective this might make it a good gift -- if someone has a bracelet they wear all the time they might not want another...)

I think that unless there is some massive backstory, you need to not analyse gift-giving to this extent. You can never know 100% if a present will hit the spot. You never know, some of the fantastic gifts you helped your DH buy for his female relatives might have gone down so well because the ladies in question were very polite rather than because they were what they had always wanted...

I've never come across anyone before who drew some kind of parallel between the colours they like to wear and the colours they like on flowers. Perhaps you are a little unusual, OP, and unless you have actually spelled out to your OP that your colour preferences involve everything, you can't expect him to know that- they wouldn't for most people.

Thanks for the concern logically but I'm fine, thanks - as I actually said above, my husband buys great gifts! I just get so pissed off with mumsnet's 'set the bar as low as possible for men, and then don't make a fuss if they still manage to fail at that, poor lambs' attitude.

Have you actually told him exactly what flowers you do like?

If not then I think that to a lot of people flowers are flowers iyswim.

I do get your disappointment. I'm not really keen on sweets and have said so quite a few times publicly and politely refused offers of shared sweets at friends and family, yet I still get given boxes of them at birthdays and Christmas, including from my own husband and children (who cannot have failed to notice that they end up being given away). I've taken to compiling present lists so if anyone asks what I might like, I have a few ideas handy. But it would still be nicer if they noticed for themselves. I'd happily swap some pink flowers for some chocolates.

DH and I have been together for 22 years (I think) and he has no fucking clue what I like. Seriously, until last year he was buying me birthday cards with those hideous skectched bears on them with soppy messages. He never learns. I smile sweetly and say thank you, then look at all the lovely cards from my friends who know what I like.

And flowers - we have some fabulous florists in the area who do lovely 'trendy' designs. DH goes to the old lady florist whose bouquets look like something from the 1990s.

But it's the thought that counts.

Blimey! You have a rather specific taste in flowers!! Are you generally difficult to please or just fussy about flowers? My husband wouldn't have a clue either if I had a flower preference but I probably wouldn't be that bothered by it.

YABU. Flowers are seasonal and don't come in every single colour.

I am wearing black tights, a navy dress, have a grey sofa and a bedroom painted in duck egg blue. I like white and purple flowers the most. Go figure!

Men don't listen properly. Someone upthread suggested he only heard Flowers & Pink at some time & associated the two.

Many times over many years, I have tried to let DH know my colour preferences, directly & indirectly, yet, when he asks me if I'd like a new handbag, or purse, or other leather item as a Christmas/birthday present & I say yes please but not black

he only ever hears yes please & black

Sigh.

Op I understand you completely - my brother died around Valentine's Day and one memory I have is sad people in black and red closed roses. Therefore I really don't like them as they equate a painful / sad occasion without fail if h buys me flowers it is red closed roses. He knows yet he still buys them. I think about what he likes and store dislikes in my head. For those people who pander to bullshit gender stereotypes it is nothing to do with having a cock it is something to do with being a half decent human being who thinks about someone else for once.

YABU
Hashtag first world problem.

Send them to me. I'll enjoy them.

MargaretCavendish maybe you should have added "some men" then rather than grouping all, including your husband.

Personally i think it's a nice thought, surprised it's the only present (but who am i to judge peoples budgets) and think the OP has the right to be a little disappointed.

For fuck's sake. Are you from the Mail?

I've been married a lot longer than 9 years to a man who is thoughtful, kind, considerate and generous to a fault.
He can tell me what colours every football league team wears, but probably doesn't know the colour of my eyes.....
Let alone what my preference in flowers would be.

How do you feel about small posies of pink, purple and blue flowers with yellow middles, comprised of precisely three blooms?

To be fair someone should stage an intervention at all the old lady florists, though. I blame Interflora for being so unimaginative and encouraging it all.

There's one up the road from me and I went in there recently for some flowers, to give them my money instead of me giving it to Waitrose yet again, supporting the small local business and so on. The owner flatly refused to sell me anything even though the shop had plenty of flowers in stock. When I said "What about those?" she said "They are all allocated for customers". I mean, WTAF? I haven't been back in since. They were very boring grave-type flowers anyway.

I think you've misinterpreted my post (partially because you removed the post it was responding to, which drew a direct parallel between the husband and a very small child). I don't think men are children at all, nor do I think they're incapable of buying nice presents or remembering important dates. I think this thread has been saturated with sexist attitudes about 'men wouldn't notice' or 'you should be grateful to have flowers! my husband bought me [insert present that clearly shows he put less effort into trying to do something nice for his wife than he would in buying his breakfast cereal]!'. I got frustrated with those low expectations and expressed this sarcastically. I just feel like mumsnet is sometimes full of women telling each other that they must praise and accept every tiny effort a man makes.

Bit odd to be honest OP.

There are certain colours I'd actively hate to wear or have painted on my walls but the dislike doesn't translate to flowers. Lilac walls = bleurgh, lilac flowers - how lovely.

MargaretCavendish sorry, my mistake then, failure in my sarcasm detector today.

tbh I'm in the same boat, my DH just doesn't "get" colours and he can't tell the difference between a daisy and a dandelion. We've been together over 30 years and he STILL doesn't understand I don't like chrysanths and those lilies that look beautiful but stink to high heaven & make my eyes water. (The last bouquet with lilies was banished to the hall where even he remarked on the smell after 2 days.)

So the recent bouquets have been mainly roses, which is safer but unoriginal. tbh I'd rather have a big bunch of freesias which are probably cheaper too

If we are shopping together I make a point of commenting on the florists displays in the supermarket, pointing out which I like, in the hope that one day, just one day, he might finally remember.