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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel a bit sad about this gift

188 replies

Sendcoffeeandchocs · 30/09/2016 14:31

OH has had flowers delivered for my birthday. I am very grateful for the gift and I know that I am lucky to have him.

However, I can't help feeling a little sad at the same time. The bouquet is pale pink and pale purple with a few white bits. These are colours that I just don't like. I do not wear anything in these colours, I do not buy anything for the house in these colours, and I avoid dressing our baby girl in these colours.
I have said to my OH so many times when I've bought flowers how much I love really brightly coloured ones.
He definitely knew what he was buying as the website they are from you choose by picture.

AIBU to feel a bit sad that after 9 years living together, he still doesn't know my taste at all?

OP posts:

summerskittles91 · 30/09/2016 14:58

I think you're bit a bit unreasonable.
be thankful that a) he remembers your birthday and b) you have flowers.

moreslackthanslick · 30/09/2016 14:58

I wear a lot of black - should my DH be buying me black roses? 😂😂😂

dowhatnow · 30/09/2016 15:00

YANBU My DH learnt very early on the types of flowers I like. Neither of us want to waste our hard earned cash on flowers or a gift that someone doesn't like.

Mozfan1 · 30/09/2016 15:00

I'm just crying at jocelyn the imaginary assistant

MargaretCavendish · 30/09/2016 15:01

Is it your only present, OP?

EdmundCleverClogs · 30/09/2016 15:02

OP, I'm sorry to say, you sound like a petulant child who was given the wrong colour toy for her birthday. They are flowers for goodness sake, as long as they weren't brown and smelly, who in their right mind gives a shiny baboon's arse what colour they are?

What happens in a few years if your daughter likes these colours, makes you a card or homemade gift in them? What's so awful about these colours anyway?

shovetheholly · 30/09/2016 15:03

I am going to go against the grain and say that I don't think you're being unreasonable.

There are some flowers where I dislike the smell - daffs, for instance (because when my lovely little cat died, I had a bunch of them in the house, and now the smell upsets me). If DH bought them for me, I would be a bit because he knows I don't really like having them in the house any more, and why. So it would mean he'd been a little thoughtless.

I also think flowers are a bit of a lazy gift for a birthday. But I am quite particular about presents - I put a lot of effort into thinking of personal things for people. DH and I go to quite a lot of time and trouble to buy one another things that are a little bit special, cook special meals, make cakes etc. I appreciate not everyone feels the same way, and that in some families birthdays are really just another day - so it does depend a bit on your own mini family culture!

SuperFlyHigh · 30/09/2016 15:03

YABU generally as they're flowers...

However I make a point of telling any romantic interest that I like eg stocks, freesias etc. if they ignore it I don't really mind.

DB knows and makes a note that his DW (SIL) likes white lilies which is nice of him.

Eatthecake · 30/09/2016 15:06

I think OP hoped everyone would say oh no how could he buy you flowers on your birthday, then she could of carried on enjoying sitting at home with her daily mail sad face.

Maybe she's gone away to grow up some what now.....

Barksdale · 30/09/2016 15:07

YABU. If I'm given flowers I'm genuinely pleased with the surprise, I don't study them intently to see if they match my living room/jumper.

Were you hoping for some other present?

Barksdale · 30/09/2016 15:07

YABU. If I'm given flowers I'm genuinely pleased with the surprise, I don't study them intently to see if they match my living room/jumper.

Were you hoping for some other present?

mscongeniality · 30/09/2016 15:07

YABU. I hate the colour red, never wear red lipstick, or wear anything red. But if my husband got me a dozen red roses, I would love them! Flowers of all colours are pretty, it's what makes them unique. This is a weird post.

Bluebolt · 30/09/2016 15:08

I do not like flowers, I had the conversation when I knew it would not tarnish the gift. I let him know that I like flowers but would prefer garden plants which would be a long standing memory. Have some lovely plants with good memories but tbh I only got flowers because DP has no idea when buying gifts.

rainbowstardrops · 30/09/2016 15:10

Has he bought you 'proper' presents as well? If so then you abu.
If the flowers are your only present then I'd say not much thought has gone into it full stop.
Happy birthday!

MargaretCavendish · 30/09/2016 15:10

What happens in a few years if your daughter likes these colours, makes you a card or homemade gift in them?

Yes because men are children and that's why it's completely unreasonable to have expectations that they might buy thoughtful gifts. If a woman has such expectations then she is a giant meanie who is being completely unfair because he has already performed the amazing feat of remembering that his own wife has a birthday.

allegretto · 30/09/2016 15:10

I think you got off lightly. On separate occasions my DH spent £1000 on something I had specifically told him I hated. He bought me earrings for pierced ears (and I don't have pierced ears). He bought me perfume when I said "please anything but perfume". He also bought me size 16 lingerie (I am a 10). I know it is sad as you feel like he doesn't know you - the truth is probably just that he is crap at buying gifts.

pigsDOfly · 30/09/2016 15:10

Like you OP I would never wear those colours nor did I dress my DDs in those colours but if someone gave me a bunch of flowers as you describe I'd love them.

Just be happy that you have someone who buys you flowers, even if he gets it a bit wrong. He probably thought you would think they were pretty. I'm pretty sure he didn't do it to piss you off.

SpaceUnicorn · 30/09/2016 15:12

But then, unlike everyone else, I don't think you should fall over in gratitude at the fact that a man bought you a gift at all

Where has "everyone else" said that someone "should fall over in gratitude at the fact that a man bought you a gift at all"?

Original poster

Sendcoffeeandchocs · 30/09/2016 15:13

So I will say again:
I AM grateful for the thought and the gift, this was the very first thing I said in fact.

I am not sad that he bought me a gift, I am feeling a little sad that he doesn't seem to understand my taste at all. We have had lots of discussions about flowers and taste when he asked me advice about what to get for his female relatives.

I am not sitting at home with a Daily mail face, whatever on earth that is, I'm playing with my kids now they are up from their nap.

To answer the question, yes this was my only present.

OP posts:

Youarenotprepared · 30/09/2016 15:13

I think with flowers most people don't think about the colours tbh. Flowers are flowers to me tbh.

myownprivateidaho · 30/09/2016 15:15

FFS. Of course partners of both genders should buy thoughtful gifts. And you get lots of threads on here where lots of posters make that point. What people are objecting to here is the idea that flowers in a colour in which a person doesn't dress or decorate their home is a thoughtless gift. That's clearly tosh. I can't imagine anyone thinking "oh what colour was X wearing today, and what colour is her couch" when considering what flowers to buy. Not considering this does not make anyone, male or female, thoughtless.

Original poster

Sendcoffeeandchocs · 30/09/2016 15:15

allegretto
That's exactly it. He has previously bought me bracelets when I never ever wear bracelets. He then bought me more bracelets even though I never wore the first two.

OP posts:

JAPABiamtheonewhoknocks · 30/09/2016 15:15

You may get different responses on this but I think YABABU. I probably wouldn't make the connection myself that not dressing in pale colours = not liking flowers in those colours.

Yes, not everyone is that observant. I'll admit that I am the kind who might not notice things that are "obvious" to others unless they are spelled out a bit more clearly than in hint form.

I remember a female friend saying to me 'You haven't noticed have you?' and indeed I had not, and even then taking a closer look at her I still couldn't see any changes. She then informed me that she had had her 'highlight done'. OK at that point I noticed that perhaps bits of her hair were maybe fractionally lighter.

Anyway OP, if you want certain colour flowers perhaps you should find a way to tell him more explicitly than what you have.

Somerville · 30/09/2016 15:16

I don't think you're being unreasonable actually.

We all have personal taste and preferences, and it makes us feel loved when other people take note of those and choose us things that are according to our taste.

Therefore the converse also applies - when we are given a gift that is not in line with our expresssed taste from someone we know really well it can feel like they haven't put any thought into it.

But the reality is that although it is the thought that counts, it's not always straightforward to remember what it is that someone else likes or dislikes. So if everything else is good in the relationship I'm sure he did put some thought into the flowers - he just remembered pink and purple being mentioned. Or thought they looked pretty. Or panicked at the amount of choice and went by price bracket. Or whatever.

Happy birthday.

squoosh · 30/09/2016 15:16

I think this is one of those things that would have most men scratching their heads. I'm tempted to give my head a bit of a scratch to be honest.

I never wear yellow but I've never rejected a yellow flower on this basis!

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