DW says my claim that normal middle aged couples have sex once a week is wildly OTT

[DadSeeksWifeInstructionManual]

We're both 51 (and DS is 7). We've averaged sex about once every 3 weeks for the last 6 years. But that's only because I keep asking - otherwise it would be never happen.
She enjoys it when we get round to it, but never initiates as she's tends to get carried away with her latest book/ tv show/ marking of homework etc. (BTW I do all the shopping and cooking).

Is once a week unreasonable?

Jess post it notes.
My exh was very demanding and I'd have sex to stop him moaning, one of the reasons why he's an ex.

I'm in your position but the boots on the other foot. I'd like loads more sex than my husband and must admit it has caused strain in the marriage

Exactly, portia - nobody knows the full story here, or what goes on behind the scenes. Will be interesting to see if the Op returns to give a fuller picture.

Applauds Elbows too!

I'm in your position but the boots on the other foot. I'd like loads more sex than my husband and must admit it has caused strain in the marriage

Why don't we all just get together and have a mad bad shagathon eh;?.

Op, you will get more helpful responses in 'relationships'. I also recommend posting as a woman as you will get a lot more sympathy and support.

For me, this is a massive indicator of how I feel about a relationship in general.

Xh was a selfish arse, had me running round after him and sex was therefore an utter chore. Dp is sweet and respectful and very open and confident in bed (for which I thank his Xw(!) and it's a completely different dynamic even years on. It was a revelation and I wouldn't and couldn't put up with anything less now.

I'm not sure I'd leave a marriage if it were the only thing, but I bet it isn't.

whirly. Yep. This is what the posters immediately defending the OP are not considering.

Justaboy. Great idea but you sound a tad young..

Gosh, it's so sad to read some posts on here. Sex and intimacy are surely a "must" in a relationship? There are so many people on here that don't seem to fancy or lust after their Partners. And who feel like sex is a chore. How awfully sad. I have been with my DH for ages and I still fancy the absolute pants off him (excuse the pun). I could honestly go to any party, and know without doubt, that he will be the sexist man in the room. he is 6ft 3, with the broadest shoulders I've ever seen, dark hair and broody dark blue eyes and salt and pepper stubble Everything about him is awesome to me. Sex is very frequent and very good. We are 46 & 43, so almost middle aged (?) although I certainly don't view us in that way. Our "kids" have left home, so we don't have a 7 year old to care for, but how hard can that be anyway? Once every 3 weeks is crap. Once a week at an absolute minimum. If you are with the right person tho. And there's the rub, me thinks.

Justaboy is in his sixties. Ive seen him say so on the Relationships board.

20 years in my case. My h has had illness and has disabilities to cope with with have got worse in the last ten years.

I did have an affair seven years into these 20 years.

The woman being judged on the previous page is being told that shes using him.

Maybe hes using her to maintain the facade that is usually expected with a high earner.

This is a wind up, surely. If not, you are ignorant and deserve everything you get with an offensive username like that. Your wife is not a machine or a gadget, nor should you be a 'user' of her. Not funny at all.

Have not rtft. But the comments about the OP 'coercing' his DW into sex are ridiculous. Initiating sex is not the same as rape. And wanting sex does not make you a creep.

helena. Well he fits in with my 'no mid-life crisis material' rule! Agree with you on the 'using him' posts - they are both using one another. If it works for them, so be it.

lulu. The username is revolting, which is why I have some doubts as to the authenticity of the poster, but who knows?

OP, you mentioned your wife "marking homework", so I made the assumption she is a teacher, is that right? Speaking as a teacher and parent of young children myself, by the time I've spent a full day standing in front of a class, sorted out my own kids, made and eaten dinner and then marked a shed load of books, sex is the last thing on my mind. I am shattered and would much rather sleep. (And yes, I know there will be plenty of people who do demanding jobs, bring work home, deal with kids and still have sex every night, but I personally don't know how they have the energy).

DH and I are both teachers and tbh, we mainly have sex in the holidays when we are more relaxed and have our evenings free. This suits both of us. Clearly, the frequency of sex in your relationship is bothering you though. As said previously, the only thing you can do is talk about it. I would say that bandying about data about "normal" couples is unhelpful and may make your wife defensive. I only discuss my sex life with close friends, but I can say that those of us with primary-age children all seem to have sex considerably less often than once a week!

Oh blimey ive only just looked at the full username.

Women arent gadgets. Or cars.

You are probably not doing sex properly OP.

Hooray for common sense

Sorry for silence - work & childcare took up a lot of time today, and then I had to sort out a crisis when DW decided to respond to a phishing email purporting to be from HMRC and gave away all her banking and personal details to an internet scammer.

There are a lot of questions that I wasn't expecting so it's going to take a while to wade through them.

Also, apologies if my Username isn't as lighthearted as I thought it was.

In the meantime, my thinking when I posted this message was this:
I've been in 10 steady relationships in the last 35 years, ranging from 8 months to 13 years (and I have two other children).
This relationship has been 10 years.
All previous relationships ended amicably, sex was never an issue and I never had to ask for it.
Which got me wondering whether the current situation is simply the way things are when you're in a relationship with someone in their 40s & early '50s. I just trying to understand whether our frequency of sex is typical at this age or not. But clearly the way I asked the question stirred up a hornet's nest.

DadSeeks You're going to have to have a thick skin on here. There are lots of women who hate their partners and hate sex!

Which got me wondering whether the current situation is simply the way things are when you're in a relationship with someone in their 40s & early '50s

No, no, no!!

I am 46, and if I could, I would have sex with DH every day. Work patterns make it impossible. I've no idea how I will feel 5 years from now, but I hope no different.

In your shoes, I would completely withdraw (and I have indeed been in your shoes). Let her come to you (it works)

there are a lot of women who hate their partners and hate sex

Fucking fuck!

Sexual frequency is dependent on libido, levels of energy and more importantly, the quality of the relationship itself, OP.

Even in that last post, you have been rather dismissive of your wife.

Oh Husky What bullshit. Its women who have a sexual organ that serves no other purpose but sexual pleasure.

This "women hate sex" trope is misogynistic bullshit.

I don't think woman hate sex - I think they hate being asked for it!

They want spontaneous - or romantic - or quick - not one type all the time -

Sometime they just want a cuddle

Nothing sexy about a man demanding sex as a right

You need to change what your doing

Quality not quantity!!
What is this obsession with having to have frequent sex ...
Good sex ... That's what drives a healthy sexual relationship not bloody banging away at it once a week in the vain belief that doing it once a week constitutes a good sex life.
Have a good sexual dynamic, make your partner feel like a sexual being (that doesnt mean demanding sex on a regular basis that means making them feel desirable), don't put pressure on them and don't make them feel guilty, they owe you nothing, understand what's going on for them and where they're up to.
Maybe then they'll feel like having sex with you.
There's nothing like the guilt trip to put you off sex.

helena Yes. I love sex, but being single, it's not happening right now! Huskys post is ridiculous!

cody Yep. The more you pile on pressure, enforce 'rules' or make demands, the less inclined the woman will be to engage.