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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if you are scared of death

196 replies

Lovinglife786 · 26/09/2016 15:22

I was talking to my grandmother who is terminally ill with breast cancer she has a couple of months left to live it has all happened so quick so it still doesn't feel real,I asked her if she is scared of dying and she said no and I believe her she is the most genuine and honest person you could meet, I admire her so much if it was me I would be terrified I just can't get my head around how calm she is,I just wondered how many people are scared of death aibu to ask

OP posts:

Original poster

Lovinglife786 · 27/09/2016 10:30

Eliza22 that is exactly my thoughts and feelings terrifying thought

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Gottagetmoving · 27/09/2016 10:39

I am scared of being very ill or being told I am going to die within a certain time. I don't think I could cope with that. I am not afraid of suddenly dying though.
I think being dead is just the same as before you were born but you have left memories behind with your loved ones.
It upsets me that I won't get to see my children and grandchildren grow and become whatever they become. I don't fear leaving them because I know that they will cope and that life won't stop just because I am no longer there.

carolineal · 27/09/2016 10:43

I am terrified of dying young and my daughter not remembering me and growing up without me and her memories of me fading till she couldn't remember me. That is the only thing that worries me about death (and I also would like to die nicely not in horrific pain).

ItShouldHaveBeenJess · 27/09/2016 10:43

IT frightens the fuck out of me, especially being a single parent. Not only do I worry about what would happen to DS after the event (he has ASD) but how long it would be before somebody found me and how my son was cope in the interim.

Having lost my dad and my best friend in 2009, I really struggle with the concept of someone being here one minute and gone the next. I think this was a really brave and interesting thread to start, so thank you. It's something we shy away from talking about in RL - can't really imagine strolling up to one of the mums in the playground and asking "So. How do you feel about dying? Scared?"!

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 27/09/2016 10:44

I keep popping here and I realise I cant read this thread for fear of crying at my desk

we can safely say I am NOT at peace with death!

ricepolo · 27/09/2016 10:56

No. I'm a Christian and dying is going home. Going to a place where there is no more pain and suffering. I don't want to leave my children sooner than I have to but I trust in God's plans for me. Having had cancer in my 20's I've had time to think about this: death is the place where all wrongs will be made right.

bumbleclat · 27/09/2016 11:02

My mum had a peaceful death and though being very ill, did just drift away while on pain killers.
I suppose The last few months of her life allowed her to have some good quality time with the people who love her but I'm just sad she has to feel so poorly in this time.

dovesong · 27/09/2016 11:03

I don't love the idea of death but I'm much more afraid of getting old and frail and having no life and possibly getting dementia and having to be looked after by other people. Blindness runs in my family and that frightens me a lot. Also a lot more afraid of my loved ones dying than my own death. I love writing and am oddly comforted by the idea of living on through my work and the words I've left behind.

SpookyPotato · 27/09/2016 11:11

Since my dad died I'm not scared of the process anymore, or not being here, but I do feel a little bit of fear of going too early when my kids are young. I imagine when I'm older and /or have an illness then dying won't seem so bad. I can imagine getting sick of being alive when I'm much older, when all my family is dead and friends start going, and my body doesn't work well anymore. My mum has several long term conditions and I always say to her "Even with these I think you're going to last a long time!" and she replies with "God I hope not " I wish everyone (who wanted to) was guaranteed to live until at least 60, young people dying is such a tragedy.

retainertrainer · 27/09/2016 11:49

I just can't get my head around death. My nana died 5 years ago and I still can't believe she's gone,just gone-forever. I've got so much to tell her,I need a really good catch up with her. I miss her terribly and that's the thing that scares me most-missing my loved ones or should I say,my loved ones missing me. Never knowing how their lives turn out,never getting all the answers. I want to know how the world started and what will come after humans,I want to know how the future turns out. Life's weird,death's weirder-what's it all about? It boggles my mind.

Eliza22 · 27/09/2016 12:04

Wasp xx

MaQueen · 27/09/2016 12:54

I'm not particularly scared. Don't get me wrong, I want to live to a ripe old age, in good health.

But, if DH died before me I really wouldn't want to live a life without him in it.

Original poster

Lovinglife786 · 27/09/2016 15:17

ITSHOULDOFBEENJESS that's one of the reasons I started the thread it's almost like a taboo subject and yet it is something that happens daily to thousands,as they say ignorance is bliss

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Original poster

Lovinglife786 · 27/09/2016 15:19

It's seems the majority of people are scared of leaving loved ones behind etc more then death itself I find it very interesting to read

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Gottagetmoving · 27/09/2016 15:35

There is no point in worrying about leaving loved ones behind.
Everybody in the history of the world has been left behind by someone at some time and we survive.
It is sad when young children are left behind but we have to trust that others will take care of them. As much as we like to think we are, we are not vital to the survival of our children.
It is the not knowing that is worrying but there is nothing we can do to change that.
I think this is why it is said we should always make sure people know we love them and make happy memories. The day will come when it is too late so it is not something you should put off.

limitedperiodonly · 27/09/2016 16:55

I don't much like the idea that things will go on without me.

I worry about being in the middle of a really good TV series and never knowing the end. It's not a problem with sudden death, but if I was given six months to live tomorrow I would be annoyed that I'd never know who got to sit on the Iron Throne.

Ivydalegirl · 27/09/2016 17:04

Not scared of dying but very scared of how. The thought of dementia or being stuck in a home and having no dignity left. Because our cowardly government won't back assisted dying for people who just want to go painlessly it looks like saving for digitas will become the norm rather than saving for your funeral.

LikeDylanInTheMovies · 27/09/2016 18:13

We don't know how we will react to the idea of dying until we are faced with it. We may surprise ourselves. The musician Willko Johnson was (wrongly as it turns out) with terminal cancer and talked how elated and how bowled over by the beauty of the world. It is quite an interesting article here on the BBC website about his reactions.

attheendoftheday · 27/09/2016 18:19

I didn't use to be scared of death. I'm now scared of dying while my children are so young as I know what impact it would have.

ToastyFingers · 27/09/2016 18:55

I'm sorry about your Grandmother, OP.

I lost my beloved Nanny a couple of months ago and it still hurts.
My mum had a lot of problems when I was little, and I spent a lot of time with my Nan and Grandad. She had the most wonderful sense of humour and rebellious spirit. She taught me not to give a fuck about what anyone else thought and made sure I grew into a strong intelligent woman, just like her.
I am scared that should I die, my children would feel like I did after my Nan went.
Lost, and all alone in the world with no one to pick you up, and bolster you when you're feeling vulnerable.

The thought of my little 'uns feeling like that does scare me.

Original poster

Lovinglife786 · 27/09/2016 20:47

Toastyfingers same kind of situation with me I don't know how I will cope without her she has been the only constant figure in my life

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